stay happy

life is so unfulfilling right now i want to scream. but i WILL not be defeated. I want a real, fulfilling, peaceful and amazing journey

The sky will come crashing down like the news of an intimate suicide.

Anyways, I’m thinking about changing this goal to “Be Happy.” instead of “Stay Happy.” Shit would make more sense that way.

“Waking up, I see that everything is okay. The first time in my life and now it’s so great. Slowing down, I look around and I’m so amazed: I think about the little things that make life great.”

No more relying on other people to make me smile. :).

One day, everything inside me will pile up and explode into a billion little pieces.

But I’m thinking that when that day comes, it might save me. And as contradictory as it sounds. It might make me whole.

But for now. Fuck my life.

I had a bad night, so today when I woke up, I said to myself, “I am going to have the perfect day and nobody is going to ruin it for me.”

It was ruined.

So my mom is depressed. I mean, clinically depressed. Which puts the load on my family and I. Staying happy is hard. I put that bright smile on my face at school, but it’s hard. Really hard. As soon as I’m home, well, never mind that. I don’t want to be. At all. I just sort of want to disappear. Not die. Just disappear.

so i’ve been in an amazing mood ever since i’ve gotten kicked off the cheerleading squad. i know that sounds kinda bad but its just what i needed i guess. that night i went home nd actually read a book for the first time in a long time. i was so obsorbed in cheer nd my friends nd my boyfriend. so i just slowed down nd turned off my phone then just shut down my laptop. nd just read about someone else nd escaped reality. it helps sometimes. nd ever since then i’ve just haven’t let anything get to me. hopeing that this feeling stays because i really really love it. sure i have the minor fights nd get a lil down but i still stay in the best mood possible. so life is great right now nd im staying happy nd just smiling :D

i am going to put some stres coping strstegies into place while i am studying.

Meditation
yoga
holidays
friends

I dont know why. I just cant seem to stay happy anymore. Ill only be happy for a day or two before I fall back down. Its a neverending roller coaster. I thought I should be done with that crap by time time in my life. I need to figure out SOMETHING that’s keeping me from staying happy.

this isn’t meant to be morbid, it’s just that to be happy means i have to go against what 99% of people say to me, as i’m considered as some-what of an odd-ball within my family.
ah well, i guess i can learn to like it that way… :]