She uses that term for the times when I get all bold and outspoken. Most recently it was at a coffee shop (the one with the mermaid prior to my employment there) I was in line, and there was a guy in front of me who had (I think) cerebral palsy, or some type of motor skill disability. He was doing an admirable job of ordering, but it was taking a little bit longer than usual. As someone who currently works for, that same coffee shop, I have formed some strong opinions about people. Namely, if you’re a rude snobby person to people who give you coffee, you’re generally rude and snobby to others. I know. shocking revelation. So this rude snobby guy behind me is on his cell phone, audibly sighing and complaining on his cell phone that someone was taking too long ordering their coffee. The employees behind the counter glanced up, but quickly ignored his petulant outbursts. He then continues to talk smack while on his cell phone. At which point I turned around only to discover that he had a little boy with him!!* So wait, let me get this straight, you’re being an ass in front of a little kid and setting that kind of example? This is where I sort of went around the bend and made the kind of comments that will no doubt make me infamous and torpedo any kind of political career I may one day enjoy.
All i said was
“Do you have a medical condition that causes you great bodily harm if you don’t get coffee in the next two minutes?”
He stared at me with a blank expression of shock and a mouth left hanging open.
“because if you do, by all means, you should get your coffee. But barring any kind of dire medical emergency, I suggest you shut up and stop being such an ignorant ass. Perhaps try being more grateful that you have two arms and two legs that work without any major amounts of pain, and take a moment to feel blessed that you have the physical ability to use your voice to communicate your oh so unnecessary opinions. And while you’re taking that time to be thankful, we’ll all get back to being patient with someone who is doing the very best that they can with what they’ve got. Please, just shut up.”
and then I turned around and he stood there silent.
Infamous. That’s me
