6 months ago, one of my best friends was murdered. I let it go suprisingly easily because I realized that his lifestyle would lead to it eventually, however it still hurt, bad. A month later, my best friend, the one who became a brother because I literally grew up with, knew since birth and hung with every day, stabbed me in the back, turned my crew against me and now we are enemies. This really sent me into a tailspin, thankfully one of my newer friends who has always been there in tough times was there for me. that was about to change. I was going out with a girl for a long time, she told me to choose him or her. I chose him for many reasons. She wasnt happy and that is where I am today. She called my friend and said that i did all this stuff and said all this stuff about him. He is no longer talking to me. I am alone basically. I have the occasional aquantance but they arent “friends” you know? well anyway, in this tough world, i got no one, my family isnt with me, by brothers have been killed or turned against me. I am very financially unstable and I refuse to make “easy money” like most people i know. I have my values and ethics, but nobody. I am pretty depressed, yet i feel im tough enough to survive whatever. I want to try to resurect and make a few friendships, make an honest living, reconnect with my family, and be happy and get out of this area and to a better life.
Entries
i’ve been really depressed and emotionally unstable the past year.i’m a negative and pessimistic person and these traits make my life seem a whole lotta similar to shit. i really need to change my attitude if i don’t wanna end up a lonely and miserable person.
hi,
in last 1 year a very valuable ,priceless n one of the most important person came in my life and made my life happy.but also i lost the very very very important person of my life(nobody can take her place in my life missing u) .in tht course of time i was really disturbed very badly mentaly,emotionaly as well as physically, i lost my rythm in studies and lost my way of life .now when the things r cming back on their way , i m reallizing my resposbilities 4 the person who cme n who gone.now evrything needs hardwork n determination also fitnesss .so now first of all i m fully focused abt my fitness n thn step by step i will go ahead and will achieave wht i want to.now i want to go in administrative field n it needs hardwork,determination n a lot of sacrifies ,n i m looking forward to it.jai shree ram.
suggetins needed
thankyou very much
cookiedough is being happy. period.
I think life takes us on many different paths & i think there is no way for me to get back to that past track…so for now this is the way im leading my life and its good and im happy. besides all the stress, all the worry i am happy
Hello everyone. My name is Kimberley Closson. I want to let each of you know that you’re in a really extraordinary phase of your life right now! For those of you struggling financially, emotionally or socially, please consider the combination of challenges (which are as unique as each of you are) as a test of who you are inside. None of you are quitters; quitters don’t hang on to that one major spark: HOPE.
A little about me: I’m a 38 year old female. I was homeless at age 16 (having left an undesirable home life & believing I could do better on my own) to age 19 when I joined the military to get off the streets of Philadelphia. I dropped out of high school & women weren’t allowed to join the military without a DIPLOMA; so I had to panhandle $600. to pay an “accredited school” to test me & issue a “real” diploma. Gentlemen, you have it easier.
School
If you’re still in school, that’s great! Use it for something extra: social networking. Try to keep from telling too many folks about your tough times. Instead, try to focus on your goal. What happened yesterday (or an hour ago) won’t change no matter how rotten or jilted you feel inside, so you may as well give yourself something POSITIVE to look forward to when it comes to considering your life, what you want it to be and doing what you can to get there. Social Networking. Just tell people what you’re looking to accomplish. Try not to “hear” comments others make about any inabilities. Only take in the “Good Stuff”; the rest won’t serve your purpose, so just allow them talk themselves quiet. You’re going to do what you want, anyway, right? It’s easier than you think!
Another few reasons you might want to keep your situation to yourself:
1. Talking about it perpetuates the situation & keeps it “active” in your life & you want to move past that.
2. If you’re under legal adult age, you may be faced with foster care if you don’t legally declare yourself as an adult.
3. Your past is not your future.
Finding Work
If you want GOOD PAY for work tailored to you with a paycheck at the end of each week, I highly recommend working for various temp agencies. Not only will they help you develop/use skills you already have (for free), you can ask for a VERY high pay, you don’t have to interview for each company you go work for- you just show up for the assignment. Plus, you can register with as many agencies as you want; they don’t charge you a thing, the employer gets charged for your placement! The people who work at temporary employment staffing agencies will help you decide what you need to make per hour/week to meet your cost of living while matching your interests and skill sets to any number of positions available.
Car/Traveling:
Go to your location’s Public Transportation site (for Chicago, it would be www.TransitChicago.com). Now, I know taking pub trans sounds sucky at first, but check this out: for $75. a month, I can travel as much as I want all over the city via CTA (mass transit) AS WELL AS most of the suburban bus (a.k.a. PACE) routes! In addition, I have met some really cool people while riding public transit and I don’t have to worry about gas, parking, tickets- none of it. If the driver’s running late, they have slips that denote that for when you arrive at work (avoiding any pay flack you might receive). I find it to be an excellent investment & you can consider the expense justified, because if you can’t get to work, you don’t get paid.
FOOD:
Check in your area for local “Food Pantries”. These are NOT welfare system related. There are many ways & places that will ask your address (they service those within their county or whatever they decide their “territory” to be. There’s one in Chicago called Lakeview Pantry. Google or AltaVista the name of that place to get an idea of better words or phrases to find what you are seeking. The pantries will actually GIVE you GROCERIES, not food stamps. Keeping welfare “out of it” is a better bet if you’re below legal age.
I’ve been to pantries where you go through with a cart (usually pre-filled with staples such as milk, bread, veggies, fruits; whatever is most abundant for that day) & the volunteers (yes- mostly volunteers, so don’t be afraid to “chip in” if you have an hour or two- you never know where this can lead you!) will assist you going through the aisles based on your “family” or personal guidelines (example: “In this aisle, you can choose any four items on these three shelves,” etc). I have also been to counter-type pantries that will just give you the bags of groceries, but most of them have several items that you’re given a choice to pick. As a good Karmic rule: only take those items which you know you will use. If you become a familiar face & don’t “gimme, gimme” everything, the workers may notice and they will “save” certain things only for you (don’t be afraid to ask for something that you see; you can even sometimes make trades for what’s in your cart against something more needed. Also, a lot of pantries provide cleaning supplies, personal care items and clothing for free. Not junk clothes, but professional wear, too.
Bills:
All of the utility companies offer budget plans, but if you contact your provider, they will give you numbers of places that offer billing assistance- which means a percentage (or ALL) of your bill(s) may be covered by an alternate, private (non-government) source. Once, I was referred to Salvation Army for rent assistance. At the time, I was 23, living in Ohio, had just gotten divorced and my ex wiped out the joint bank account (you don’t need permission of your name’s on the account) and he had stolen my identity to get 3 credit cards under my identity. I had to file bankruptcy, didn’t have a car, job- nothing. And I didn’t have rent- I had a mortgage on a house that was bought with two incomes while married. No friends nor relatives in that state at all. When I went in for my appointment, I told the case worker all of this. What did I have to lose? I was destitute! So, I told her and she steered me in the directions I’m passing to you now. And then, she wrote me a check for that month’s mortgage, sternly stating that this was not something that was done, nor should ever be done again. So, never say never, because really- you never know!
Give Back:
Pay it forward. You get out of life what you put into it. The list of sayings goes on & on, but these truths have been in circulation for so long because they’re true! Salvation Army will always get some of my money when I can spare it. Even spare change helps them. I don’t give $$ to panhandlers these days because there are too many OTHER avenues for folks to get help (as I’ve listed a few here). When I was on the streets, there were multitudes of “rich kids” panhandling beer money before getting into their beamers and driving away. I had a hard time defining who was “worth” my money. The truth was: ME!
In 2006, I offered a “homeless” guy a giant candy bar instead of money. As he took it, he said, “This is nice & all, but I’m homeless & I ain’t got no way to brush my teeth.” I snatched my candy bar out of his ungrateful hands & realized that MY 3 years on the streets was no picnic and I brushed my teeth (and washed up) at the local Krishna temple, so why was I, a grown female, footing the bill for this grown man? I was on a budget & extending myself to someone that I didn’t need to. It’s nice to be nice, but hold on to your money. Give what you can (time, attention, food, maybe money when you feel it’s right) when you can and never expect anything back. Know when to say NO..
Attitude:
Perception is EVERYTHING. If life sucks & you say it sucks, it’s gonna suck. Try, for just a few days, to NEVER say anything negative about anything; primarily about yourself/your situation. When someone asks you how you are, tell them, “Getting better by the moment!” Smile at EVERYONE you encounter. Be pleasant. Be of service to others when you can (hold open a door for someone, call a store clerk by the name on their tag when they assist you & you thank them, etc). I assure you, you will notice a difference in how things will change for the better. Find your own interpretation &/or OPPORTUNITY in every difficult event/circumstance that you encounter. ALWAYS be gracious. Say Please & thank you, look people in their eyes when they speak to you, listen to the content of what they’re saying. Dress in a way that really states what you want your target goals to reflect. Just because you’re struggling, doesn’t mean you have to look like crap doing it! Besides, when you look great, you really do feel better!
Only surround yourself with people you want to be like; their habits will rub off on you. Be in places where people you want to meet go. Be true to your interests and dreams; it’s never too late nor too soon to start living life the way you were meant to; you can survive.
I promise.
You learned everything you needed to know to get by in this world by 5th grade. The rest is paperwork. This is the first day of the rest of your life. How will you live it? It really is up to you!
Feel free to write to me.
Be well,
Kim
www.KimberleyClosson.com
After my mother abandoned my brother and I, taking a surplus of things from the household and basically leaving us to starve (washer/dryer, computer, TV, fridge, car, just about everything big), I didn’t have much hope. I have a stepfather who is a truck driver and gone most of the time financing us with what he can from afar, and a pothead brother who has absolutely no impetus to get off his ass and get a job, so it was up to me to be the responsible adult of the household. With some savings, I bought back the bare essentials of what we needed - the washer and dryer, the fridge, a car on AutoTrader (which turned out to be a lemon, costing me much more than I had intended to spend) - and in trying to get us back to where we were before she left and took everything with her, I’ve run my account dry. I haven’t graduated high school yet, and things are looking grim on that front, as well. I’ll have to settle for a GED and get a full time job to support the house, and work to college off of that. I’m tied to this house since I signed a lease and ditching it will fuck up my credit, and the dogs here will have nowhere else to go if I decide to move.
In a sentence, I’ve barely made rent and utilities this month and I have no idea what I’ll do next month, I have no way to get from A to B because despite the 3,000 bucks I put into the car for repairs it still refuses to run, my education’s spiraling the drain due to the house and the constant attention it needs, and much, much more.
Part of me is urging me to get the GED and the job so I can take care of things easier. Part of me is telling me to stay in high school although it’s a lost cause, because it only happens once and there are friends to be left behind in leaving. I’m ignoring the other part of me telling me to just run from this disaster and not look back, since that’s basically what my pathetic excuse for a parent did.
The choice is obvious, I know. Bite the bullet and get the GED. But why don’t you try giving up something you’ve known for two thirds of your life and all the people associated with it, and tell me how that goes?
I have completely destroyed my life and my families. How? Why? Because when our finances became a problem, I tried to fix it myself. I tried working with the rent, the car payment, the doctor bills. I robbed Peter to pay Paul like most people do these days and now I am far behind on paying Peter back. I’m lost becuz I don’t want to upset my family. I am ashamed of what i have done. I almost wish that this was an issue of a drinking or gambling problem..This was just plain stupidity from someone who is so much smarter than that. Now, my husband and my 2 year old son are being affected by it. I am lost and don’t know what to do. Does anyone have any suggestions?
cookiedough is being happy. period.
when ur least looking things will creep up on u. life has a way of doing that. so i was living kinda crazy for several months & I had said i would get everything back on track and blah blah blah. I as enjoying the seemingly “risk free” life i was leading. I mean it could have been wost but now i know better. I instead of taking small steps to get things on track. I was kinda forced to take one huge one. we’ll c how it goes
Reluctant to let go on a good and longstanding relationship with my partner we are still looking to try and get things back on track.
With 2 children and 7 years of past together it would seem foolish to not put this first.
Maybe it will be that we reduce stress elsewhere in our lives to give us a better chance of happiness.
