tell my story

i met the adoptive parents & my coordinator today for lunch at Satelite Cafe. They went to court this morning & the adoption was complete for them- it was a celebratory lunch & sooo good to see them. Adelaide, the sweet baby who brought us all together, just slept the entire time we were talking & eating. We laughed at their stories of late night feeding, my crazy week transitioning back to work, what my two children had been up to and all of the pink gifts they have gotten from people! It was nice to hear their family is having such a blast BEING with her and that she is being such a wonderful baby for them. They enjoy every dirty diaper & 2 a.m. feeding because of how they almost didn’t get to experience them at all. I know when we have the baby blessing they will again thank me for being selfless & for bringing her into their lives…but in all reality, I feel I owe them thanks for doing what I am unable to do for her. Not to mention the thanks I owe to Adelaide for bringing her parents into MY life….I adore them and feel like a better person just for knowing them. It is impossible to be around them and feel sad or as if I have lost something. I have gained a wonderful, life-long friendship with their entire family & love them as my own. The mom is just so kind and sweet…she laughs at my silly stories right along with me! The dad is as silly as I am & gets my sarcastic side like only my closest friends do. I am blessed just to have the time I do with them & I will always know that myfriendship with them isn’t about “the baby” we share…our friendship is about respecting one anther & bringing something to each others lives that, without our friendship, we wouldn’t have…they are parents because of me & I am a better mother to my own children because of them…

i have a pretty unbelieveable story about placing my child for adoption…..and i think it could help others who areplacing or who are thinking of placing a child. i am very content with my decision and i know she is loved.

i did a good thing & other girls can, too if they are unable to support their child as needed.

let me know if you want to talk…..

Telling your story requires trial and error and continual courage, but it’s a powerful expressive release.

My story started out being told from a very negative, immature and ignorant place and I got many chances to see my victim behavior mirrored back to me. Sometimes I was blamed, ridiculed and judged and other times I was called strong and perserverant.

I practiced with those whom I trusted and learned after a while that you’ve got to start the interpretation first. Sometimes it doesn’t matter if you’re coming from a victim-stance or not, I’ve seen others try to fill it in for me, but this could also be that I still have some trouble realizing how negative I’m sounding about negative things.

If you tend to be the closed-off secretive type (though certainly not a requirement) this can especially be very liberating in the way that gives awareness to others and helps you to find your voice. As anyone knows who’s been in therapy before, hearing yourself speak about such things often tends to provide you insight.

My name is Mark, I was born in San Antonio Texas. My dad died when I was about three years old from 2 gun shots to the chest. My mom split, and my sister, grandparents, and I moved to Missouri, I guess to get away from it all. I think that’s where I learned to run, because no matter the problem from then on, I just ran. I feel like a coward sometimes, running away from all of my problems with my tale between my legs. I grew up pretty good though. Still I kept getting into trouble. and bounced from school to school, I was pretty popular in all the schools I went to, I actually liked school. The faculty just didn’t like me I guess, probably because I never listened, and am very outspoken. I could always catch the attention of my peers, alot better than the teachers could, They didn’t like that either. Finally got kicked out the beginning of my Junior year, got my GED and went to college form computer programming. Recieved my degree. Haven’t done anything with it. Met a girl that turned my whole life around, she had a kid already. Which maybe should have raised a red flag, but I didn’t care. We were together for three years before we got married, and had a little girl. We’ve now been married for almost 2 years. This girl saved my life, because, even though I was in college. I was heading in the wrong direction, as far as drugs and drinking go. I think God blessed me with this wonderful woman and these beautiful kids, and I’m slowly destroying it. Destroying it, like I have so many other lives that I’ve come in contact with. I don’t know why, I don’t even really know how. It’s time to be a man, it’s time, it’s way past time. I’ve already left once, because… I really couldn’t tell you why. I’m used to running, it’s what I do, it’s who I’m trying not to be.