Learn to "miss out" and be okay

still not so ok…
but trying to be

This is the hardest one on my list, I believe. I love that I’ve gotten the most cheers on this because it encourages me to keep working. But how do you even work on something like this? Where do I begin? I’ve smashed up against this obstacle a million times. Probably seven times a day since I can remember. And it never stops hurting. It still feels like a painful and unexpected total splintering of myself each time. I’m at a loss. Just collecting splinters…

This is still VERY hard

I’m worse at this than ever. I’m having a wonderful vacation and still can’t enjoy it fully because of the overwhelming feeling that I am missing out on so many other things. It makes everypart of me feel sick. When will my own life be enough? When will I measure my life by how well I live it according to my own desires and standards? When will I stop basing everything on others? Why do I have to be at a wilder party if you’re at a party? Why can’t I go to bed if I get tired early? Why do I put constant pressure on myself to live more deeply, wildly, passionately, socially than everyone else when I could be perfectly content with tea and a book if I could just let go?