Be more aggressive

starting in babysteps

dont konw how much longer i can stand for being not enough aggressive over this tough time, am i wrong on making my first choice? maybe i need to reconsider the real meaning of hard working and stop caring too much about other’s thinking of me. i wish i have leared that All i really do care about is nothing but the family and the time being together with them. no additional efforts must be made to implement this goal but a little more caring, sharing, worrying, patience, which i used to take less notice.

Or so I’m told…Recent events lead me to believe that I’m actually pretty darned aggressive and quite forward. This made me examine my actions and words a bit further and it turns out that…well, I’m pretty aggressive as it stands and any more may be too much for the general population :) I guess I’m usually not very aggressive when I’m not very interested, which I’ve decided is OK. So I’ll consider this a done deal…

Alright, so I want to be more aggressive right, well I’m only half way where I want to be. I was pulling an all nighter last night and I heard a noise in my courtyard, which is right next to where I was working. It sounded too large to be an animal, but the pace was slower than a standard walking pace. I have a huge sliding glass door, but didn’t see anything since my lights inside were on and it was all glare. I go and grab my maglight, open my door wall and start shining the light around (without going outside). I am about to write it off as an animal, when I hear a large bucket that is capable of holding a keg fall over. This freaks me out, but I can’t see past the bushes. I quickly grab my cell, call my buddy who was also at the house and still up, and I go to the go around to where I can see the entire courtyard and check it out. I examine the courtyard and there isn’t anyone/thing there, although the doors to it were open (this isn’t necessarily uncommon) Me and my friend start searching the house, I find that the back door was left unlocked, since the bar sometime gets stuck. Now, I’m a little more worried that it wasn’t my paranoia. We’ve had a home invasion before, the homeless like to take stuff like empty kegs for the deposit, we’ve also had schoolbooks and DVD’s go missing. So, we search the house and don’t find anyone hiding anywhere or any sign someone was snooping around.

Here’s my concern, I grabbed my maglight and actively searched outside, but I didn’t go outside right after I had my maglight attempting to “catch” someone. It’s like I gave them, if someone was there, the chance to leave. (It was obvious I was looking.) I feel like I wasn’t aggressive enough. I am fit, strong, and had a 4 cell maglight with me. I doubted that they had a gun or knife, and as long as they didn’t have a weapon, I really think I would have the advantage in a fight. The other thing is that I doubt anyone would want to fight, rather just run. So, why didn’t I go outside right away?

I’m sick of being passive. I want to be more aggressive with my life. I want to be able to walk up to a girl I don’t know and ask her out. I want to stop compromising my opinion to create passivity. I want to fight someone, if they are asking for a fight. I want to be more dominant and not be fearful what others think. Basically, I’m gearing to stop coasting through life, and start having some impact. This is my goal, and it will slowly begin to get realized. I feel like I have recently overcome my shyness, and now I’m going to let people know whats on my mind.

in the form of being able to say no when I really don’t want to do something. For instance. 2 weeks ago I was asked to join a Community Board of Directors mainly geared toward business. It was for the IT Chair. I sat through the first meeting and said I would ‘tentatively’ consider it. By the end of the meeting I basically said I would, knowing that I really didn’t want to do it.

Today, however, I managed to call to say that I really didn’t want to participate (only hours before being elected). This is really the first time I have ever done that. Usually I would have gone through the motions, bitching along the way, and would have quit leaving a mess, embarrased, and not making a good impression. For those of you who know – Guilt, Guilt, Guilt

Happy New Year

A few weeks ago, this girl at my college was being obnoxious, she was insulting me, and I let her have it! I insulted her, refrencing the fact that she’s proud of calling herself a slut, and later on, after she insulted me again I told her, VERY loudly “FUCK YOU!” so loud that everyone in the lounge got all quiet. I told her that I had just as much right to be there as she did. I won! She left me alone, for the rest of the day, and has barely made fun of me since. Woo!

It is WORTH IT. Not saying you have to go nuts each and every time, but sometimes, you just have to kick arse! Wohoo!

“Can I copy your homework? Pleease.”
“Uh..umm well I’m going to have to turn it in next period..”
“Pleeeease..be a friend?”
“Uhmm uh Ok.”

Bit of advice, if you feel unsure about anything, ANYTHiNG, at all..the best answer is probably “no”. Yeah I know how you feel- you feel mean, you just wanna make everyone happy! Right? Well, truth be told, they’ll understand. They should. If they don’t, then they’re just using you for homework or whatver it may be in your case.
I’ll work hard at it..to try and become a stronger person.