get over my ex

Why love ends?
The other person just doesn’t feel for you the way you thought he did.
OK, insensitivity/selfishness aside it is possible that you can be so caught up in your own heartfelt joy at being in love that you fail to see your feelings are not returned.
It happens and it doesn’t make you a bad or naïve person. You fell in love, the love was not returned the same way, things ended. NO BIG DEAL. Life goes on, you live and learn, from the lost comes the found, yada yada yada.
Basically this is just one of those cruel ironies of life and it happens to everyone. Suck it up and let things go. It is the only way…

You don’t know what you’ve got until you lose it …

It ’s a big journey…. but it’s not impossible to do.
Now i know that being with him was a huge experience… I learned a loooot which im very thankful for. But….nothing lasts forever.
I’m very happy right now, because i have discovered that i loved him more than i was loving myself. And now is the time to change that.
I am taking more care of myself, I exercise a lot, study hard, meet new people, etc… things i didn’t do just because i was with him , but not anymore!
Now i realize that nothing can replace the love you have for yourself, NOTHINGGGG in this world!
So i have made a big step to forget him , it’s not easy but im trying very hard!

i cant believe its been almost 2 years and im still not over her. well shes moved to another college away from here and i think thats really going to help, hopefully a few weeks after to this entry she’ll finally be out of my head/(heart??).wish me luck..

I was split from ex – had been for 18 months – now I am back with him (have been for about 2 months) but it is not a good idea. Kind of only meant to go round for a cup of tea and ended up staying.

Now I need to get away again and its going to cause me heartache again! :-(

He can be abusive too, a mixture of verbal /psychological/emotional abuse, and this has made me love him less. Anyway, I’ve been trying to find a good time to tell him I can’t be with him anymore (stupid as there is never a good time I know but some times are better than other times). Anyway, haven’t managed to do this yet, maybe tonight – I did say maybe last night but then he mentioned sex and I was like oh god I can’t leave now I want sex tonight!

But seriously I do have to leave him and sooner rather than later would be better as I’m getting kind of co-dependent again.

I keep thinking of all the things I should have said to him and haven’t and will never be able to once split up or all the things we should have done together and also how I should have been better in bed for him and haven’t been.

This makes me really sad!

After doing something I swore I would never do again, I am humiliated. I promised my self I wouldn’t get back with his father and I did. I cant say I did it just for my son I truly loved his father and I did desperately want a real family. Now I see its just not in the stars.
I cant go back, I wont be able to look my son or myself in the eyes if I do. Its not just about me,I have to be a person worthy of respect. If I don’t respect and value me then no one will. And one of us has got to be someone our son looks up to.
It took so much for him to burn this bring, lies lies and more lies. I cant say he ever really cared for me. Sad right? After being with someone for over 5 years meeting everyone in his family I cant say he really loved me. I am tired of trying to analyze him and his behaviors, the why is no longer a factor for me. Who cares why he did these things. Is there ever a good reason to cheat, lie, hurt and abandon you child and his mother? While I was living in a homeless shelter he was at home with her (I was no the wise). No one ever told me. Not that I expected them to but it still kinda stings. She new the hospital I gave birth at she said he meet her on the corner.
According to her the best time of there relationship was My Pregnancy and the funny thing is that was the worst time of our relationship. I always felt like he stole that away from me. I felt like I was in hell, I didn’t enjoy any of the 40 weeks I carried our son. I cried almost everyday, some-days I felt like I would be better off dead.
Shit hit the fan and now its all out in the open the lies, boy oh boy the lies.
Its scary how could you be with a person for so long and never know them? Or did I turn a blind eye? Did I see him for what I wanted him to be instead of who he is?
But does all this really matter? No, it happen you cant correct history, you can only use it to improve upon your present.
I will protect my son from any and everything. I wont allow anyone to hurt him not even his father. Until he gets his self right, I will not allow him to see our son. When he becomes a TRUE parent, then he will see our son. When he puts his son first, when he does the right thing even when its hard then he can see his son. When he tells the truth even when no-one would be the wiser then he can see his son. When he becomes the time of my our son can look up to, then and only then he can see his son.
Our child is not a play thing, not someone to but used only when its convenient. He is a boy, a real boy. Not a doll that can be tossed aside when you don’t feel like being bothered.

But I must say things have been coming along nicely, sense he has been out of my life. Yes I am hurt, but its like getting rid of a limb that has gangrene, you don’t miss the limb as it is, you miss what it used to be.

Purge its a good thing

I did it again, I fell in to the same BS he lied I believed him (because I wanted to) but once again the truth came out and this time he put the women befor his own son. I cried alot but now we move on (agian). I plan on telling my son he died, I want to spear my son the heart ache of a father not loving him (at least not the way a father should). I have felt this pain befor. I still deal with it wondering why my dad didnt love me, didnt check on me, broke promises. I want to spear him of this pain the feeling of emptyness

I’ve met better, but I still miss you.
With all your faults, I still want you.
As I grow smarter, I still admire you.
I’ve become stronger, but I still need you.
I am happier, but I still wish for you.
I am laughing again, but not as much as with you.
I am still tone deaf, but I want to sing to you.
I am sleeping better now, but I still hope to wake up next to you.
I have even fallen for others, but I still love you.
And no matter how long it has been, I still remember you.

And leaving. I didn’t ask for how long nor did I express any excitement about your trip. In fact, I made no comment about your trip at all. Because I am trying not to care. So yes, I am saying, ‘take care now.’ Because those are the only three words that I will let myself say.

Months go by, life is happening all around, doing things, talking to people, concentrating on myself, working, exercising, enjoying the sun when it comes out, enjoying my books… Same old, same new. I think of him very often, more than I’d like to. Recently it has been on a consistent basis, don’t know why. The pictures of the past keep running through my head over & over; I wonder where he is & what he’s doing. I wonder if we’ll ever talk or see each other again or we’ll be like phantoms, residing on the same Earth & yet unknown to each other. It’s been 9 months & nothing’s changed in me thinking about him or missing him. I continue to love him just like before. Sometimes I think of his face, his hands, his hair & how it all felt; all our laughs & arguments. Moments of anguish are intertwined with moments of bliss. My inner self is more stable now, but I do cry at times. Lately it’s been more frequent. Sadness creeps out. Regret that things went the way they did, although I realize that everything has its own wise purpose. I’m trying to concentrate on the present moment because this is all I have. There’s no more past. The past is just the story, a compilation of pictures, thoughts & emotions. The future is in the making. Right now I have Now. And what’s in the Now? Lots of good stuff. I’m trying to enjoy them all and smile.