So, it’s been a year since my last visit to this website. A lot of things have changed. I got a job a week after university, moved in with J, and all in all….I think that despite not having been here much, I had this goal on my mind at all times. And I think I have achieved it.
Maybe because I started listening to people, or because I started working in a full-time basis in an office where it’s not all about me!! at all, and I wanted to blend it as I really like the job and environment. Or maybe because moving in with J, and making our relationship more opened, made me realize…I don’t need to be a drama queen for people to listen and care for me. I just need to be myself…with all the good and the bad and lower my guard to let people come into my life.
I love myself for what I am, for who I am..and if I need to shout out to anyone…I just think why do I think I need it…I just take some time for me…
People doing this are also doing these things:
Entries
stop being a drama queen or so I am told. No, I am a drama queen and I need help with it guys!
must prepare for tomorrow. if i don’t want to cry and make it all about me, i must think about worst case scenario. really think. and then, evolve from there.
Well, my worst case scenario is he wants to break up with me. And never wants to see me again.
Now. Accept the fact that I have hurt him.I have hurt a trully good friend. By saying everything I think..good and bad. And that’s not how anyone treats a friend!!! they have feelings like me. And i wouldn’t like someone to say that.
So, how on earth to apologise??
Just think..in the long run I really want to be his friend. even if we’re not suitable for each other as more than friends.
So, even if he breaks up..that time might be useful for me to learn on how to stop being a drama-queen and start being friends.
Listen, above all…I don’t have the right to cry if he says things that aren’t that nice.It’s not about me. It’s about what he feels. And he wants to share it..like I do!! but I do it without respect.
tomorrow i will not cry.
Everytime i get worked up about something, i cry like it was the end.. i make everything about myself….
Well it’s not. Get over it. We’re going to have a chat because things are not right..because i have been really selfish, because i have hurt him, by saying it felt it was only about sex – not even thinking about the importance of those words.
The fact is..it has been 2 years.. would he had been with me if he didnt want to? would he say he would like to go to portugal if he didnt want to?
And worst…if I have fears he might not be doing or saying this for love, it is almost certain it can be caused by me. who has pushed him into doing things which aren’t healthy.
Your selfish atitudes might have become an issue. So, get your act together, accept the worst and think how you can improve the worst.
I did it…
I have been thinking that I live in a snow-ball – no friends, drama-queen-spirit, lyer,unhappy, etc..
And this is all linked up.
I promised myself yesterday afternoon that I would smile and talk to everyone who even remotely wanted to speak to me.
Yesterday afternoon, I entered the computer lab in uni, sat down and didn’t even said hello to my final year-collegues!!
They were better than me and asked me how i was. And i tried and talked to them about their projects. Then after a bit got back to work, headphones on and when she was leaving, she called for me…and although I heard it…I didn’t even look. Again, she was better than me and came close to say goddbye.
I was stupid not to talk properly to her. I was thinking about apologising to her monday!!! don’t forget. Explain how worried about the project you were – and it is true..the stupidness of not looking is what failed terribly – and ASK how is she doing with her project. LISTEN to what she says…and Shut up unless she asks a question.
Be a friend.
I did it…
I have been thinking that I live in a snow-ball – no friends, drama-queen-spirit, lyer,unhappy, etc..
And this is all linked up.
I promised myself yesterday afternoon that I would smile and talk to everyone who even remotely wanted to speak to me.
Yesterday afternoon, I entered the computer lab in uni, sat down and didn’t even said hello to my final year-collegues!!
They were better than me and asked me how i was. And i tried and talked to them about their projects. Then after a bit got back to work, headphones on and when she was leaving, she called for me…and although I heard it…I didn’t even look. Again, she was better than me and came close to say goddbye.
I was stupid not to talk properly to her. I was thinking about apologising to her monday!!! don’t forget. Explain how worried about the project you were – and it is true..the stupidness of not looking is what failed terribly – and ASK how is she doing with her project. LISTEN to what she says…and Shut up unless she asks a question.
horray …
in a period where thing’s with J are not the best – he wants to have a chat tomorrow – I managed to keep my smart-ass-mouth shut and simply reply the word spelt as he did.
I can’t correct everything if I’m stopping being a drama queen. That’s how they work.
You have to let space for people to make mistakes. and pin-pointing them at all times can become quite annoying. Remember the girl K’s talked about.
must think before speak.
i’ve just hurt my boyfriend who is my best friend by saying things that were overexagerated.
if anyone has been blocking out anyone, it has been me by thinking that he has to do everything.
Somehow, hollywood and blond girl kind of self-deluded fantasy have brainwashed me for 23 years!!!!
For some reason, I think that saying a lie that is more edgy than the other person´s comment will make me the best; that this way i will make friends…WAKE up…you don’t. they just wanna run away.
But this selfish impression only lasts until you say it. Then I realise…..I am the pathetic one who just doen’s get over it.
Step 1.
Next time someone makes a comment, SHUT UP..and only talk if someone ASKS your opinion.
That way..you have time to think about what they are actually saying. And by thinking…this will make some of your thoughts actually WORTHWHILE listening too.
Remebember, Billy-no-mates
