team-mate on this goal should be! Thanks Moose! You’re a true friend ;)

three’s a crowd :)

but I was reading the Grauniad agony aunt column just now, and the resident expert said a couple of things that strike a chord so I thought I’d write them down here for the record.

1. Other people rarely behave as we wish them to.

2. We have no right to demand that other people behave as we wish.

True, but not always easy :(

you should never EVER give up because you just never know when life is going to surprise you by getting really really good…

Is another day gone.

sigh!!

Not so many recently actually but I was about to chuck one out, and randomly decided to re-read it before I do. It’s called Psycho Cybernetics which makes it sound like NLP or something but it was written in the 50s so maybe the name sounded whizzy then.

It’s by a plastic surgeon who discovered that sometimes when he operated on people and sorted out their noses, ears, terrible disfiguring scars etc., they felt better afterwards but sometimes they didn’t and continued to be shy, full of self-loathing, hostile to others etc.

So he developed an interest in psychology and the rest of the book is about how you can programme your mind to follow goals. There’s a lot about visualisation, relaxation and stopping worrying.

He compares us trying to achieve goals to a missile tracking a target. It has to be in motion and then it gets to the target by a process of positive and negative feedback. You have to notice the negative feedback for what it is – it tells you you’re going in the wrong direction – but then put it behind you and not let it bog you down. Nobody is perfect and everyone makes mistakes.

I’ve been reading it while in bed with a cold and the bits about living in the moment are speaking to me. I tend to worry about everything and constantly think about the future – it would be good to slow down for a change and do one thing at a time and focus on it. This has some similarities with that time book I was reading in Sept (the one I lent Moose) which said that the way to get more time into your life is to be mindful of everything and take time to see the little details, feel the textures, notice the flavours or whatever. But how to remember to do it? Practice, I suppose.

BYY 09 is beginning to come together for me and slowing down, relaxing and spending time with my feet on the sofa in my imaginary Southwold beach hut cocktail party venue will definitely be a large part of it ;)

From today’s Grauniad:

Happiness is catching, new research has confirmed, and depends on how cheerful about life your friends feel.

Happiness is spread through social networks and exists in clusters of close friends and neighbours, according to a study published today in the British Medical Journal. Being around happy people at work does not help, the research found… – happiness is most contagious in your street. Living next door to somebody who becomes happy can increase your own chances of happiness by 34%.

The research was carried out by academics from the University of California in San Diego, who used data from the Framingham heart study in Massachussetts, which has been going since 1948. Most of the children and many of the grandchildren of the original participants are regularly monitored to establish the state of their health.

Professors Nicholas Christakis and James Fowler have carried out research on the impact of social networks on other aspects of health and found that they influence obesity and smoking habits. The current study was designed to find out whether happiness is peculiar to an individual or dependent on the people around him or her.

The researchers assessed the happiness of people (whom they termed egos) and their friends, neighbours and relations (alters). They asked whether they agreed or disagreed with four statements relating to the previous week: “I felt hopeful about the future,” “I was happy,” “I enjoyed life,” “I felt that I was just as good as other people.” Happiness was a perfect score in all four. The academics found it does not matter how many friends you have.

“Having additional social contacts is helpful to the ego’s happiness only if the extra social contacts are happy themselves,” said Chistakis and Fowler. What is important is how happy your friends are and how close to you they live.

I feel very pleased to be with Moose on this goal as she’s happy today and so perhaps that means there’s a 34% chance that I will become happy too! Let’s create a lovely happy 43T community! ;)

are an opportunity to choose between being happy or sad.
I find myself greatly relieved once I have made the decision to stay positive.

Pearl #1

It’s never too early to start getting on with your life.

Pearl #2

If in doubt, have a coffee and a period of cogitation.