stop feeling guilty about EVERYthing

old problem. i’ve always felt guilty about everything. i think it was part of my childhood, my mom always used the guilt to make me stop doing bad things. maybe it’s a catholic tradition.

i just need to start this exercise: every time when i find myself feeling guilty i gotta analyse it, forgive myself and convince that there’s nothing i can do about it. and if it is, just do it, or just say i’m sorry. everything can be fixed, if it can’t feeling guilty won’t solve anything.

I feel guilty about EVERYTHING it seems. When I’m at home, I feel guilty for being there unless I’m getting something “accomplished”. Then, depending on what it is, I feel guilty for spending time on that task instead of others. I also feel guilty when I tell someone no, that I don’t want to do something. Then, when I choose to do it, I feel guilty when someone else asks me to do something and I have to tell them I already have something to do. I feel guilty for not cleaning, if a library book is late, things that I buy that I don’t necessarily need, things that I get rid of that someone has given to me, etc. One of my goals is to study for a test and I feel guilty devoting time to that goal.

Yesterday I had planned to not clean the house, and instead take care of a couple of other things before going out. Instead, I found that I really wanted to clean and then finally get the Christmas decorations out. I actually felt guilty for wanting to clean and do laundry when I hadn’t planned on doing it. !!!! I felt like I should have been doing something else, and because I WANTED to clean, I shouldn’t be doing it. So weird.

I’m not getting through this goal. I feel guilty about pretty much EVERYTHING. And if i realise i don’t feel guilty about something, i then feel guilty about not feeling guilty about that. It drives me crazy. I end up feeling pretty down for the rest of the day. It needs to change.

I grew up Catholic, but I don’t think that was the reason. I think it was natural for me to feel guilty about everything. I STILL feel guilty even when things happen that are totally beyond my control.

For example, I will feel guilty because I took a certain way to work and then in the middle find out it is totally backed up because of an accident. As if I were omniscient and was supposed to know!

But now I feel better about those things. It just takes consciousness that I’m doing it!

Over-due library books, unfinished projects, dirty dishes left in the sink… my mind is plagued with these things! My goal here is to become more organized so I can avoid some of the guilt, and then stop feeling guilty about things that are not that big of a deal or are out of my control.

In my marriage counseling I have learned that guilt has indirectly (and directly…) driven how I’ve deal with my husband. Being so afaid of making him unhappy (God forbid!!) or failing as a person, I stuck around and stayed in the drivers’ seat. Now there’s too much guilt to even leave when there’s really nothing there to drive. How does a person off load that kind of guilt??

Someone once told me that guilt is your brain warning to think about what you’re doing. It’s the reason behind your guilt that you need to examine. This is hard to do because, if you’re like me, your guilt came from your parents and religion. So what is the truth? It must have something to do with knowing yourself and having a firm system of values.

I was just offered a job from a temp company that was full time and I feel guilty because I said no. I dont want full time work adn am only available until the end of summer when I go back to school. I feel bad because I am not making the job of the lady who recruits easier, but it is important to me to finish school. I am struggling with this one !!!

I saw someone who accomplished this goal write that it was a warning sign for depression for her. The irony is that I finally took the first step this year to see a therapist. I went once. But I don’t think I’m going to go back. I don’t feel like I have any right to be complaining about my life or my situation—because in the grand scheme of things, I don’t have much to complain about. My life is pretty simple and pretty easy. What do I have to feel depressed about?

So—who knows? Maybe eventually I’ll get to the point I can tackle this.