Reawaken my dream life

I dreamt this afternoon that I was trying to take my truck up a roadway that was nearly vertical, and though I never did experience the feeling of falling, I did have my doubts about whether it would work for me.

I think it means that, in spite of my great intentions to explore life in my new area, I am probably expecting too much of myself, my time, my funds, my energy, and I just won’t be able to keep this up.

Some of this may be more directly related to my running goals. It could be that I will have to reduce my expectations for a little while and be content with maintaining my current mileages while my body rebuilds itself while performing at this higher level of activity.

I’ve had this dream of being in a room made of glass.

I sat in this room, staring, never moving or touching the glass.
Though I wanted to (how much I wanted to). I felt like someone would come out and say, “That’s wrong, that’s my glass.” It’s weird, but I had the largest desire to shatter the pieces. I wanted to get everything out. I wanted to scream and stomp and make a big scene.
But I didn’t.
I still want to.

I was on an elevated walkway with handrails, like the one Luke runs on while he’s fighting Darth Vader in the cloud city, and a machine comes along, grabs my section of it, carries it through the sky, and plunks it down in a new spot.

This time, the walkway goes alongside a shoreline, only it’s partly submerged in murky, brown water. I appeal to an authority figure over this; “Can’t it be raised some more?” I ask him, but he shakes his head no.

Interpretation: I am on a path that will continue in spite of my move. I am flooded with old, stale, negative emotions, and that is the background for my search for gainful employment, a search which is affecting other changes in me that help keep me from sinking completely and could help elevate me above this current waist-level. I need to clean up the water, too.

So, I’ve been traveling and camping out and packing and doing a lot of driving, and during this time, I have not had my dream journal with me. I do remember a few things from some different dreams, though:

-in one dream, I accepted responsibility for a pair of twins who were ages 8 and 9, but when I got them, they were just babies. This one doesn’t have clear meaning for me.

-in another dream, I was hammering in a tent stake to put up my tent, only I looked at it again and saw it was a big sword that I was hammering into the ground next to my bed (which was, get this, in a stream bed – cute, no?). This means to me that I am allowing my ambition to sleep but it will be waiting for me when I am ready.

-in my dream from last night or the night before, I walked out of a restaurant which, in reality, burned to the ground many years ago, and it was night. There was a big group of us, and we had been called outside to see a spectacle; we all gasped and oohed and aahed as we saw the immensity of the starry night sky, for it had grown so much larger. This means to me that I am ready for a spiritual journey or awakening.

Now, I’m reunited with my dream journal, so I should be able to record my dreams again. Luckily, I remember these little tidbits and can jot them down, too.

Though I haven’t been sleeping very well lately, I dreamed yesterday that I was receiving a cleanign lesson. A mysterious master like an alchemist was showing me a lot of different powerful products to keep my house sparkling clean.

giving this up until I’ve got a better sleep pattern again.

I was able to write down the dreams I had last night, because when I woke up, I refused to open my eyes and put a big pillow over my head and thought of nothing but what I could remember. Gradually, most of the dream came back to me, and I was able to write it down. My handwriting is really bad in the morning.

I didn’t get all of what the dream was trying to tell me, and I’m a bit concerned, because this is the second time in a few weeks that I’ve dreamed of a male figure who was insane – the dream dictionary I use says it’s a sign that you aren’t confident in an endeavor turning out well with something related to my masculine side, that I may be afraid of the consequences of my asserting myself – at least, that’s my interpretation.

Another part was interesting; I was driving through a neighborhood on a pleasant boulevard, and snow began to fall, softy, gently, all around. It was beautiful. I loved it, but I also shook my head and put my car in reverse, going back the way I came. Not time for tranquility yet, I guess.

I had some awful, scary, intense nightmares last week – it was probably due in combination to the fact that I’ve been paying more attention to my dreams and I just gave up coffee last Thursday – and it’s made me a little gun-shy on grabbing onto and recording my dreams when I wake up. I had lots of dreams last night and I tried to anchor them in my memory but then I let them go. Even the nightmares have something to tell me, so I need to accept the fact that I’m going to have these sometimes.

Back on the horse!

The dreams I had last night were a confused jumble of events and places and people, probably inspired by the ice cream I had before bed, but they do end up telling a kind of story.

The most telling moment in the dream happened after I had a near-run-in with a more empowered version of myself – had I got the message and started being more independent and self-sufficient, you ask? – when I returned to my car and accidentally slipped into the back seat.

Given that I dreamt the other day of crossing a bridge, I think it’s pretty clear that my life is, once again, in transition. As such, I’m entering new territory and leaving old things behind, and I will have some choices to make about which things to ditch and which to keep with me.

So, the other night, I dreamt that a barn was going to be abandoned and possibly demolished, but I and my team had to go in and rescue a last person who was holding out somewhere in the buidling. My helper scanned the area with their special tool, and when it found the person, the person lit up red on the screen. They were hidden away in the far edge of the attic, near the front of the building.

What could that be, I thought. I asked my sister what the attic space might mean to her, and in hearing her answer, I realized that to me, it meant storage of items that are apt to be neglected in time. Why the location in the attic? It’s the most buried, from the perspective of the attic entrance, but from the front of the building, it’s right at the front, clear as day (with the gadget, anyway). Why the barn? Barns keep domesticated animals, like horses, which can signify the expression of a person’s spirit in a somewhat civilized manner.

And the answer to the riddle is, it’s my clarinet! I haven’t played since junior high school, which has given me plenty of time to push it further and further back in my mental and emotional attic, but I live in a small space and the clarinet itself takes up its space so stubbornly, forcing me to see it and dust the case and move it to vacuum and such. How funny, too, that I live in an attic-type space in the upstairs portion of the house, and I’m walking around going, “What’s the attic mean?” Duh. Sometimes the most pressing questions have such simple, obvious answers.

There you have it. I’m going to take private lessons and reclaim my clarinet practice. If I’m wrong, life, and my dreams, will let me know.