be closer to God

I think this one of those goals that lasts a life time. At times I feel really close to God, and I have faith that there is some purpose for events working out the way they do, but at other times I question everything. Its not that I lose faith in God, its that I start to doubt that God really has a plan for my life. Or even if he does, how am I supposed to know it? What is it that God wants me to do? I hear people talk about God so casually, like they really know what he wants, but I don’t think God’s will should be something that is assumed by just anyone.

Anyway, I’ve been conflicted about this for some time. Maybe when I die I can finally say I get it, but at the present moment its still a bit confusing.

meditating on OM/prayer 5 times a day
Jacob’s ladder/self hypnosis 2 times a day
less meat/ more veggies
wholesome, supportive thoughts

by sept 26 08 clearer head, more positive

by oct 26 08 more insight, less running off at the mind

by nov 26 08 more focus, more wisdom, more love

by dec 26 08 feel as if I healed myself and can move forward
as a self-created being

God,

You’ve blessed me when I scorned and disobeyed You. Thank You for the blessings You’ve given me. I pray that I can become one in You and can live the life you want me to live. Thank You for the example You gave me in Your son Jesus.

Thank You,

Amen

at 8:30 this morning. For the first time in a while, I actually listened to the priest and felt the Gospel… Perhaps it was the fact that I haven’t slept in twenty-six hours (and counting…), but I honestly felt a connection, like somehow everything just made sense and nothing else was more important. It was incredible, maybe I should start going to 8:30 mass… And if it felt so powerful at 8:30am, I wonder how awesome it’d be at 6:30, ha… that’d be a longshot (unless I once again forgo nocturnal sleep).

I’ve been praying a lot more lately and taking time to read the Bible and really think about what it means. I feel a lot calmer and happier and more motivated to accomplish my goals.

Sometimes I get so caught up in the unimportant things in life – dead lines, insecurities, lists, worrying about what others think, trying to be successful. I know in the end none of that will matter. When I’m in the grave, no one is going to walk by my headstone and wonder if I turned all my paper work in on time. I am here because God put me here, yet somehow that gets lost in my day. I don’t want to live my life like that doesn’t matter anymore. I need Him in my life, and I want to be closer to Him. I want to be a loving person, and someone with integrity.

i go to church every sunday, but thats pretty much it. i want to start reading the bible more often, and do more stuff that will get me closer to God

and he said he gave all of nature a mind of it’s own but that it would bend to his commandment, which he doesn’t meddle in except when Jesus had to do miracles…LOL he told me not to worry about nature though because it knows how to take care of itself that in fact is the nature of nature.

I feel so much closer to God than I did a month ago. So so so much closer. I’m praying at least once a day, I’m asking God for whatever comes across my mind, I’m accepting my own powerlessness in certain situations and I’m handing those situations over to Him. I’m handing ALL situations over to Him. This is a really awesome thing and I’m really happy that I’ve been able to see the light. I no longer feel ashamed about what’s happened in my past :)

It’s been a while since I’ve been on the site, and looking back I am now so much closer to God, a combination of reading the bible more, praying more, trying to change the things I do that I know are not from God and surrounding myself more and more by people who have strong faith. I still can’t shake the doubt from my mind but at the same time my first reaction to most situatios is to pray. I’m happy with where I am with God, although I know there’s so much further to go.