jollyjoy building an aeroplane with my son!
i did not (want to) understand where these negative feelings i had about myself all stemmed from. i seem to be able to ‘fight’ for every other cause, for everyone else but i somehow neglected myself, the core of who i am, the child, that little girl, in retrospect i realize now that i obviously didn’t think that i was valuable enough to fight for. who teaches you that anyway? i understand now that the pain was properly buried too deep and that i did not even think that i had the right to question the way in which i was raised (does it always go back to our parents?), i was just simply so hard on myself all the time. i have been reading, “The Road Less Travelled” by M. Scott Peck and it has been a huge eyeopener, it has completely changed the way i think about myself and the way inwhich i view the world and my place in it. i highly recommend this book also to every parent as it teaches alot about becoming a more sensitive parent. and anyway, once i was able to look at my upbringing and why and where i beat myself up i am now able to be gentler with myself. ofcourse this is an ongoing process. i am just amazed at myself to be honest, that i have lived through so much trauma and am still positive, happy, raising a child on my own and telling my story optimistically!!! what i tell myself is that i am valuable and lovalbe! And if the people in my life can’t see that then well there is no place for them in it.
