get my fibromyalgia into remission

And I’m a bit nervous about it, although I cannot put my finger on why, exactly.

I’m hopeful too that she will be supportive of my wishes as a patient, and will be okay with me doing my own research and contributing my input instead of dismissing me as “agitated” when I ask questions or do not blindly accept anything and everything she tells me (as has been the case with other doctors I have seen).

I also hope that she is not one of those doctors who doubt fibromyalgia exists.

What I am hoping for specifically:

- an order for a bunch of blood work

- new pain medications because what I currently have are about as strong as ibuprofen (which means they don't work)

- a refill on my meds prescribed by another doctor to help me sleep (the other doctor will not refill because I fired her due to her bad attitude)

- an rx for another med I have done research on that helps with attention/focus

Due to having no insurance for a while, and having no way to get out to a former provider, I had stopped going for treatment.

Earlier this week, I had my first appointment with someone local, and just got home from my second appointment. I am sore now, but I know that I am better for it.

I am looking forward to another appointment next week, and I hope that this will continue to help me because right now, I need all the help I can get.

Now though, it makes my day-to-day life that much more painful.

I now feel like I need to take a hot bath in the morning to even be able to move, and I feel like I need a hot bath, as well as medication to knock me out so that I can sleep at night.

I am having a great deal of difficulty keeping up with my coursework, and I have missed too many classes to count. My body cannot handle sitting in one place for three hours at a shot, especially in the uncomfortable desks from 1973 that my uni has in its classrooms.

I have a few assignments to finish for class and need to leave in 2.5 hours, but I just want to take a bath and try to sleep.

I’m also feeling pretty down because I have a hard time asking for help with stuff like this, and I have emailed two of my professors asking for extensions on assignments, and have gotten no responses from them. They may have not read the emails yet, although one of them has sent emails to the whole class since I emailed her, so I know she is accessing her email. Not getting a response feels like I asked for help and was ignored, which means I do not get the help I need and makes me feel like its pointless to even try to get others to help me.

So yeah, I used to like the cold.. but now I just associate it with more pain and a rougher life.

I was so sure I was on my way to remission again, but now I am laying here, in a great deal of pain, trying to figure out why I am feeling so awful.

I don’t want to succumb to negative thinking, but I don’t know that being overly optimistic is helpful either.

I do know that I have been sleeping poorly lately, and I am sure that my current pain levels are related to that. But still, I don’t feel like I earned this pain, and its pissing me off.

I know I will get there.. but what feel to me like set backs make all of this that much more frustrating.

Now that our wedding is over and done with, and I no longer feel like I have heaps of stress to overwhelm me, I am in a lot less pain.

We have family in town this week, and our Bo Bhat is on Saturday, but by Sunday, life will start returning to normal. School is done next week as well, and I will have two full weeks before fall term to relax and step up my yoga practice and other bits of exercise.

I feel like I am on the right path to being in remission.

If only I had anticipated my fibromylagia coming back.. I would have written a detailed account in my journal of how I got it to go away.

I feel the worst when I am stressed out. Like now, for example. I am beyond exhausted and my entire body hurts so much that I don’t know if I have the energy to draw a bath and soak for a bit.

I hate skipping class, but I just emailed my professor to let her know I am not feeling well.

I need to find a way to reduce the amount of stress in my life. I know that if I can get that under control, I will start feeling better. And when I start feeling better, I will be able to eat better, sleep better, and take better care of my body (yoga anyone?).

Stress, be gone!

but then I had to go and get the flu..

I have been flu-free for about two weeks now, and yet my body still aches to the point where I don’t want to move.

I know I’ll get over this, but set-backs like this seem more frustrating than when I initially got my diagnosis.

To get better, I know I need to: be on a regular sleep schedule and do everything within my power to regularly get quality sleep, take a hot bath a day, eat well (meaning more fresh fruits & vegetables, whole grains, and other good-for-me things and less overly-processed crap), not get stressed out ever, breathe deeply, and be positive.

Writing it all out like that makes it look pretty simple, but the real life implementation is a bit more complicated – nothing I can’t handle, just something I really have to work at, especially the stress part.

I am in loads of pain this morning, but at least I have my heating pad with me and a hot shower to look forward to.

I am one of those unfortunate folks who doesn’t react well to most meds. Pain killers and muscle relaxants, which my former doctors plied me with to shut me up (I think they thought I wanted drugs, because they never tried to really fix this shit.) just make me a zombie who can’t function.

If I’m not going to be able to function, at least I should be able to think, right?