2009

cool

For those seven subscribers who probably don’t read my posts, I made a new account. Why? I felt like I had a lot of baggage from the past two years I’d just rather forget about and start new. It’s kind of like after the holidays when all you ate is junk food and then you have to get back to eating healthy and exercising again.

So new life, new account.

Tacky? Maybe so.

I seen Kenny for the last time until late spring. Even he said it didn’t feel like he was leaving.

So were getting along really well, like I’ve been saying. I wonder if I think I like him so much because he’s leaving or because I really do. Well, there isn’t much I can do now. But he certainly is one of those ‘good guys’. Except for his dumbassness, occasional anger, and stubborness, he’s a great guy.

Maria.

She’s not the prettiest girl. Maybe under 80-100 pounds of fat, she’s pretty. Honestly. So she’s not confident, not attractive, can’t decide if she wants to pretend to be ‘bad’ or be a christian. It’s getting to be annoying. She wants to date EVERY guy she meets.

She seriously asked me not to date a guy just because she likes him. She’s not even allowed to date. She likes him so much, still looooves her exfiance, and still goes through crushes faster than I do. She loves every guys she meets.
ATLEAST I HAVE A DAMN GOOD REASON FOR LIKING THEONE GUY I CAN THINK OF. ^{yes, caps makes it better}
But I wouldn’t never tell a friend that they couldn’t date a guy I couldn’t have in the first place. Nor would I get pissed off when a guy showed attention to a friend and none to me.

She’s a fucking psycho and doesn’t understand why guys don’t like her. I’m not saying, I’m so gorgeous love me, love me. She picks from the bottom of the bucket anyway, if you get what I’m sayin. I’m certainly not out to steal from her pickins.

I get that if I exchange numbers from a guy, he’s going to expecting something, but she needs to stop taking that as a come on and acknowledge the fact that she either doesn’t have a chance with the majority of the guys in this world and two, mother wouldn’t approve and make life hell should she date.

I can’t be friends with her if shes going to be so insecure. She comes with so many benefits though.

and we talked a little bit with Maria. Then when we parted ways, I send her a txt saying ‘you can give him my number if you want =)’
She did this and just told me she likes him. She gives up on any guy once I meet him. Dang =/ Itd be so much easier if our families had similar incomes, we were like simiar in terms of attractivness, and maybe could both drive. life would NOT have these complications. Or maybe if she was just more confident. Jeez.
I told her I wouldn’t like him or date him. And she’s like so HAPPY. What’s more important, a friend to kill the boredom or a guy to kill the boredom? I guess the best question would be what’s the experation date on these two?

maybe he could replace B, emotionally, for me. Ya know? Yeah, that’s probably unhealthy. I really just need something to occupy my time.

I am currently in communacado with B. Holy freakin crap. ANNNND B has not put a name to the face. Just my freaking luck, is he really bad with names or have I not made an impression?

So Kenny is leaving Sunday. It’s not that I want to date again, I’d just like to feel like he cares about our friendship, or whatever we have.
He’s told me that if I ever need something he’d help me out. Like, in a really serious tone that was so different from his usual dumbassness. So I just don’t get why he just ignores me all the time and then when we hang out, he’s all like my buddy. How can he care and not care at the same damn time?
Ugh.

So I usually don’t care what happens with the guys I talk to. But B, there’s something about him. Our small talk every couple weeks isn’t getting anywhere. I think I’m going to send him a txt (problem number one, you’ll see why) before my classes start, so if it doesn’t work out I can just move on and get a fresh start.

The problem with txting him, I think, is that we exchanged a few msgs back in June. He told me he has a girlfriend, so I didn’t txt him, just saw him when I went to the gas station. That could have changed and I’ll make my intentions clear- if he has a girlfriend I’ll say I’m not interested in him like that.
I don’t steal boyfriends.
this is me thinking out loud, getting my thoughts organized.

I was going to send him a silly txt that would make him laugh, but I’m just so used to be demanding. Such as, “are we ever going to hang out or keep making small talk?” I could say that in person, with a big grin and laugh. That’d get a totally different reaction. I really don’t want to sound bitchy at all.

I hate like, being overly emotional and unsure of what to do.

And this is the time I go kamikaze and say to myself, screw this and do the first bad decision that comes to mind.

And now I’ve found these two

The vertical one
And count up four from the bottom of the ear lobe, the orbital

if I want to talk to Kenny anymore. He’s a pain. He won’t repay anything he owes me. He whines a lot, and it’s about reasonable stuff, but he just cant handle too much emotional stress at one time. Ugh.

I think it’s a good thing that he’s leaving. I don’t kow what brought about this change, maybe it’s how I’m coping or being away for so many months is really helping me.

We’ll see how all this holds up when I see him tomarrow.

I just read through pages 88 to 43 of my posts. Okay, I skipped around and didn’t read even half. I feel like I could see things for how they really were. It’s so much easier to see things objectivly after time has passed.


I’d definetly say I’m moving into a new stage of my life. Me and kennys relationship is now done and over; I can finally be okay with it and appreciate the time we had and the memories that accompany it.


So I’m off to make more memories. What do I hope for in the future? Better writing skills, for one. I also hope that me and the people at church can kind of become a group, you know? I’d love to have guy friends again. I can tell from my posts a year ago and before that I’ve matured a lot.


Growing up is scary stuff.