Be unrelenting and indefatigable in the pursuit of my goals

This year and the next, I need to (in no particular order):

[x] Learn to be completely independent, never emotionally investing myself in relationships other than those with my family. This will be tough.
[] Achieve a UAI/ATAR of 98-99.
[] Acquire my Learner’s Permit.
[] Successfully complete the Psychology course I’m enrolled in.
[x] Brush up on my WWII history.
[x] Donate blood a third time.
[] Volunteer at two different hospitals.
[] Become 45kgs (99 pounds) and tone up.
[] Correct my sleeping habits once and for all.
[] Become first aid certified.
[] Get a job.
[] Find a physiotherapist to address chronic knee pain.
[] Learn how to play a minimum of five piano pieces this year.
[x] Organise my collection of music on my computer.
[x] Register with the Australian Bone Marrow Donor Registry.
[x] Replace my contact lenses, purchase new lenses for my glasses and cure my astigmatism.
[] Do voluntary work at the local nursing home.

I’ve registered to sit the ACT exam on June 13th. I had originally planned to do the SAT exams but was advised to sit for the ACT exam instead as it contains a Science component which is lacking in the SAT exams. I’ll be visiting the US Consulate in the city on Monday, hope all goes well.

I’m both unnerved and concerned. I have to face the facts. This intensive course I will enrol in on Monday, cannot and will not guarantee a high UAI irrespective of my intelligence or how efficient and hard-working I am.
I must concede that it is virtually impossible to obtain a 99.5+ University Admission Index through this course. If I cannot obtain the previously mentioned UAI (or above), it is likely that I will not even be considered for admission into an undergraduate course for Med/Surgery, however, that also depends on my performance in the UMAT (Undergraduate Medicine and Health Sciences Admission Test). I suppose I’ll have no choice but to do my best to achieve the UAI and UMAT score required for admission into an undergrad Medical Science course (requires a considerably lower UAI than Med/Surgery) as that sounds much more plausible than attaining the UAI necessary for entry into undergrad Med.

I know I shouldn’t be so defeatist but after conversing with a HSC coordinator over the phone not half an hour ago, I’m very discouraged. It has a high drop-out rate as it is extremely demanding and stressful, and most of the students consist of adults…and of people who have sat the final HSC exams before. These people have additional knowledge and experience which, regrettably, I do not have. How can I compete with these students and contend with the inordinate stress and pressures that this course entails?

I don’t want to fail. I dearly wish I could attain the UAI needed for entry in Med. Maybe God will grant me a miracle and I will get the above-mentioned UAI… Sigh. I wish past mistakes could be reversed but alas, wishing will achieve nothing.
I want to accomplish great things and contribute towards the advancement of medicine and perhaps the betterment of society. I want to be somebody someday. I have this feeling that I was not created by God to resign myself to life and be content with a routine-like, dreary existence. I have so many aspirations, so much yearning for knowledge and purpose. Once I have reached the point where I want to be in life, I want to help others achieve their goals. I never ever want to become self-serving or lose sight of what is truly important in this short life.
This year will really test my ability to persevere whilst encountering and having to overcome numerous obstacles. Will I hold out or will I give in? We will see.

I’ve been sleeping earlier, waking earlier yet I feel incredibly fatigued. I suppose I could attribute that to the sudden change in sleeping habits. I donated blood at midday yesterday and I felt fine afterward though. Furthermore, my diet has changed drastically. I haven’t had Korean instant noodles/ramen in over two weeks and I’ve been eating breakfast regularly. And by breakfast, I don’t mean your regular overly-processed, sugary cereal. It’s actually an all-organic, nutritious breakfast.

I’ve been doing well with #7. I haven’t applied makeup in a while nor have I been excessively concerned with what I place on my body. I’m not going to compromise comfort for style anymore. With the lack of makeup, nice clothes, hair and whatnot, I’ve observed a severe decline in the amount of attention I receive from the opposite sex. It’s kind of liberating actually. A relief, too. When I’d doll myself up, I attracted quite a few guys but I didn’t like it. The attention was degrading, undesired and unwarranted. It was almost asphyxiating. On many occasions, I desperately craved to have the confidence to leave the house au naturel. I never did though, unless I was going somewhere located within the vicinity or doing the grocery shopping for my parents. I was afraid that people would see me and realise that I’m only remotely appealing because of all the artificial and superficial junk I wear and put on my face. I was convinced that with the makeup and the nice apparel, I looked somewhat pretty but without it, I was nothing. Just some Plain Jane. Yep, I was in a quandary; I didn’t want the extra attention but I didn’t want to take the measures needed to eradicate the problem previously listed for reasons stated above. Talk about an inferiority complex and a few too many insecurities.

Now, I just don’t care. I’m too preoccupied with more significant matters to worry about my appearance. Also, I’m finally learning not to base my self-security and self-esteem on the opinions and judgements of others..because we all know that comes and goes like the wind.

I will strive to cultivate a relentless practice and attitude toward achieving my goals.

My current goals are listed below, in descending order of importance.

1. Gain confidence. Believe in my abilities and potential. If I fall, I will not crawl. I will get up and though I may stagger or limp, I will learn to walk again. Similarly, should I fail to meet a certain requirement, standard or mark, I will not wallow in self-pity, I will not rebuke myself nor will I give up. I will keep trying and I will persevere!

2. Maintain a healthy, all-enduring relationship with God. Never abandon the Lord in favour of things that appear to be more important at the time when they are not. Nourish my relationship with Him through constant prayer and bible reading. Church-going will need to be put on hold for a while.

3. Improve my sleeping habits. By mid-January, I must be sleeping before midnight everyday. I must avoid ingesting antihistamines or other synthetic sleeping aids to address chronic insomnia. Wake up at 6 AM daily.

4. Improve my diet. Gradually minimise consumption of foods with high fat and sugar content. Under no circumstances will there be ANY eating after 8 PM. Regularly ingest 1 tsp of liquid fish oil daily in conjunction with dietary supplements. Ensure fluid consumption is adequate (8 cups+) and never skip breakfast!

5. Do not form any new attachments. None. Whatsoever. No crushes, no limerence, no boyfriends, no best friends, no girl friends, no nothing. Strictly acquaintances only. My primary focus is school. Occasionally socialise with old school friends but do not become emotionally involved.

6. No longer allow myself to be affected by trivial occurrences or events. Be stoic. Be resolute and unswerving. Exude equanimity in times of difficulty. Become impervious to the criticisms of others.

7. Forget about my appearance. Do not be self-conscious, do not worry about what others may think. Neglect my appearance for a while; dress according to comfortability not fashionability. Take care of my skin (and hair, if possible) but do NOT bother with cosmetics, jewellery, clothes, shoes etc.

8. Do not attempt to eliminate all forms of entertainment from daily life. Always put aside time for hobbies such as reading, music and piano. A balance is essential to my mental well-being.

9. Develop a positive mindset. Think positively to manifest positive change. Do not dwell on the things I do not have, wish I could have and believe I should have. Stop comparing myself to others and be grateful for both the tangible and intangible things that are in my possession.

10. Refrain from lingering on the past and things that cannot be changed. Look to the future and be prudent with time.

Note To Self: Never forget that these goals all share one common purpose – to help you concentrate on your studies completely so that you may get into medicine. And this is of paramount importance.