about 1.5 cups of gin Sat, and the same tonight.

Don’t really care. Have no motivation to stop and don’t know why I should. But will keep trying to keep an honest log so I can have a realistic sense of what’s up. 4 years ago

bought some rum and brought to family’s house for xmas – brother said “oh, jeez, you could’ve gotten a smaller bottle” and I said it was only $2 less for the next smaller size and mom said “yeah, that’s what’s important, get the most alcohol for your money.” and I felt like I was being ganged up on.

and was worried and wanted to add water to the bottle when it was going down too fast and I was aware that mom would say, sheesh there’s only half a bottle left! so I hardly drank that much.

It makes me hate my family. 4 years ago

well. I should be ashamed, I guess. But I won’t be. This place is is for being honest, not for judging.

I went out w/boss to my christmas/birthday dinner and got some presents from him and we split a caraffe of wine, followed by a bottle of wine, of which I drank probably the better part of the bottle. Also, bought a liter of gin and a liter of rum earlier today, and when I got home from dinner w/boss fixed myself a gimlet.

I’m not going to be one of those people who gets it all straightened out right away. I know that that’s the ideal but that’s not who I am. 4 years ago

Nothing, and today was a hard, hard day, and I really wanted a drink at around 3pm, and all the rest of the evening.

I nearly did go to the liquor store, but didn’t. I’ve been watching whole seasons of tv episodes back to back to try to stay distracted and occupied. I don’t want to NEED a drink. I want to feel normal and function like other people, get things done. 4 years ago

Nothing.

And I’m not feeling too good about it. I can’t sleep. I’ve been eating a whole lot, trying to satisfy my craving for something. I feel like I’m trying to replace one addiction with another. I don’t know how to feel normal. 4 years ago

Friday – nothing
Saturday – half bottle white wine, shared with roommate over dinner. 4 years ago

Thu – 2 glasses red wine. I shared the bottle with my roommate knowing he’d notice it was gone if I drank it alone. I wasn’t happy about the 2 glasses. It didn’t seem enough and I ended up eating a lot all evening to try to fix my craving for something more.

Friday. First night without alcohol in weeks. I don’t like it. I don’t hate it. I’m not having any kind of withdrawal symptoms, but I definitely have a psychological withdrawal going on. I feel ill at ease and dissatisfied. I keep thinking, I need a drink. Then I think, nah. I don’t need anything. I’m fine without it. I don’t want to think of myself as someone who needs a drink. If I need it, then it means I really am headed down the path toward alcoholism, and I don’t want that to be true. Because if it’s true, then I will have to stop. And I don’t want to stop.

I’m in a bum mood about it. I love drinking. I don’t like to imagine a life without it. 4 years ago

Tue – polished off the last of the gin – about 3 gimlets
Wed – 1 bottle red wine 4 years ago

Over the course of 3 nights I emptied this 1-liter bottle to here. I can’t figure out if this is really a lot or if that’s a normal amount. I don’t measure my drinks. I just pour them. Is gin really a very hard alcohol, anyway? It seems softer than vodka or bourbon or tequila.

The remainder in that bottle I drank Tuesday night. If I envision it poured into my glass, it would be a full glass of gin filled to the top, maybe a little more? Is that BAD? I feel like I just can’t judge anymore if that is something a normal person might drink. One glass full of gin. Or three shorter cocktails. That doesn’t seem so bad. 4 years ago

2 glasses white wine
1 or 2 Gimlets.

I notice that the Liter of Gin I bought on SATURDAY is nearly polished off. So, I drank 3/4 liter of gin in… 3 nights. 1/4 liter a night? That can’t be right. 4 years ago

3 gimlets 4 years ago

wed 12/10 – 4 1/2 beers

thu 12/11 – 1 bottle white wine, 1 1/2 beers – no one home so I can relax.

fri 12/12 – roommate here, 1 bottle red wine by myself in my room. Opened it with the idea I’d share it but then decided to have the whole thing.

12/13 – ^{(go liquor shopping. Buy 2 bottles red, 1 bottle white, 1 bottle gin. Put two bottles wine on wine rack and hide third under sink for myself. I know hiding alcohol and not sharing is unhealthy, but I only feel mild concern and suffer no bad consequences.)} Tea with gin after dinner. 2 Gin & Tonics before bed. 4 years ago