care less about what other people think

Oh I don’t know…
Well, I think that I have made some improvements. But at the same time.. right now I don’t really feel I have.

It’s just that some times I seem to lose that connection to the inner me, and just seem to put my focus sort of in the periphery, or even further out…

It goes up and down.
Right now I wish it was easier to know what I think.

this is a huge problem, I hate having to care what others think of me and i hate worrying about it. It causes me to be quiet, shy and not make friends easily.

...I do notice some improvement here, in general. :)

Well, I did spend Christmas on my own, as I had been thinking to, and it was actually very very nice, relaxed, and cosy! It WAS good!
Several friends said they were worried about me “sitting there alone”... One person even thought it seemed somewhat “self-destructive”..!
It’s interesting how some people react so strongly to such a thing. And it’s not even them who’s going to be “sitting there”.. On the other hand, there were other friends who said they almost “envied” me, wanted to do the same thing to get away from all the pressure and stress.
Well, of course I am happy too, to have good friends, and people who worry about me.

There are certainly other things I could think of doing, and I could wish some things were in a different way… But that doesn’t have to do much with Christmas, what time of year it is… And now that they aren’t.. this is fine.
I’m here now. And it’s fine.

Yes, my heart is still aching, and I think of a year ago; things were nice… Hard in some ways, but nice..

I had never spent a Christmas totally alone before (well, my cat was here now, which was nice :), and in my own home!
Now I have, and it was good.

I think I’ve been improving… At least I am practicing!
Oh yes.
I think maybe it actually is a little bit easier.
Not there yet though….

I thought I already did this… And maybe I do in some areas, but I realize I care much more about what other people think than I thought. And I think I need to stop doing that. I need to practice. Need to stop and think what I really want myself, what is me, and what is other people’s opinions or fears.

I am sooo guilty of this. And it seems there’s no end in sight for me, but I would so love to help others achieve this—if possible. I think there’s no hope for me, however. I have no confidence, no self-worth, and I’m scared of everyone/everything.

Thumper~

There seems to be a bit of a gap between how I think things should be, and how I feel here. I seem to fear being judged by people I am not particularly close to, and don’t really care about, but I’m fine with the people I am close to because I know they will understand me. I don’t think it’s good to hold yourself back because of fears like these, so I’m working on trying to expunge it from me, or at least not let it influence my decisions in life.