make 2009 as good as it can be

It’s been a week of ups and downs but I’ve been feeling quite serene today and although things aren’t perfect, in the grand scheme of things I don’t have a lot to complain about.

Friends and family

It’s been a really excellent week on this front. Had a brilliant time on Wednesday going up Big Ben with my family. The sense of anticipation as we waited at the top and then seeing the hammer rise and strike the giant bell was absolutely incredible. I’m also up-to-date with practically everyone else – the dinner with D and M last night went pretty well, things seem to be going well with G and have just called AB and am going to see her in a couple of weeks!

Work

Everything was ok until Thursday when a relatively minor disagreement was blown out of all proportion and turned into a more general bollocking, actually a Greatest Hits Bollocking as the chance was taken to rake over some ancient history too. This left me feeling angry and miserable, but I guess I just have to grow a thicker skin. I always knew this year and a half of transition (the longest handover in history?) would have its challenges and every day that passes is a day closer to the big day. Looking on the bright side, the good news is that I have permission to recruit a new minion, temporarily in the first instance, to tide us through the busy period, so that’s something to be grateful for. And next week I’m under chiefy’s orders to take another, very experienced colleague out for lunch and pick his brains about how to be a good finance director, which should be interesting.

Healthinessfulllllllness

A mixed bag too. Booze-consumption was lower than usual and I did intermittent fasting on Friday but then ruined it by eating biscuits, duh!

Exercise

I was full of grand ideas this week but I find that getting into work at 8.30 helps me get the day off to a gradual and less stressful start, but if I go to the gym first thing then I can’t get in until 9.00. Going today did make me feel great though, so I will try to go tomorrow and see how the rest of the week turns out. I’ve done quite a lot of walking this week (down to Westminster and back on Wednesday, and over to Marylebone and back yesterday) so that counts for something. I was also pretty pleased that climbing Big Ben didn’t present a major problem.

Reading

Finished the second Sherlock Holmes book, and am now re-reading The Rings of Saturn by WG Sebald which I’m enjoying very much. It’s an account of a walk he took along the Suffolk coast and he goes off on all sorts of tangents and tells historical anecdotes, and it’s like nothing else you’ve ever read, incredibly erudite yet very readable and down-to-earth.

Piano

This is coming along well. I have practised every day this week and am on to the second page of Swipesy now. Am hoping that I might have learned the whole thing by Christmas, which would give me two pieces to play to my parents during the cocktail hour.

Drawing

I drew the bonfire night picture for Zanna but haven’t been in the mood for doing anything else. I’ll definitely do some next weekend though.

Premier cru project

Nothing to report as we’ve run out of things drinking now, waiting for further stocks to arrive from Beaune… But we’re going to have a promising-looking 1985 Gigondas this evening.

Cooking

Made terrine again yesterday, looking forward to trying it this evening!

Maintenance

Cleaned the flat yesterday and used my new mop for the second time. It’s definitely making a difference. I also have a nice candle which I found in the supermarket for a quid, which has been cheering me up most evenings.

Making progress, making progress…

Work

I still get panicky at times, and I still find the Upsetting Person hard to deal with, but the success journal has made me realise that actually I do get a hell of a lot done every day. Am putting a case forward to the Big Cheeses that we need another person to provide some spare capacity and stay on top of some areas which currently I haven’t got time to do, and am not the right person to be doing it in any case. Big Phil is sympathetic so we’ll see what chiefy says tomorrow. Lord EP is visiting on Tues and I have a day off on Wed.

Social

There have been some excellent evenings recently, particularly dinner last Sunday and the champagne tasting on Wed. Have seen some other friends and emailed AB at last (thanks to agent Z), and my relationship with my sister-in-law is getting closer which I’m really happy about. Next week: it seems there’s a possibility of a feline visitor on Tuesday (!) and I’m going up Big Ben with my family on Wednesday, having dinner with Danger Girl on Thursday and seeing old school friends D and M on Saturday – so it will be an action-packed week!

Healthinessfullllllllness

Not getting anywhere diet-wise at the moment which is frustrating. Am going to plan each day in advance on Fitday in a bid to get back in control of this, although it’s hard when eating out. Otherwise my health is good. Sleep will be a priority this week.

Exercise

Went to the gym today and have set up goals for next week.

Piano

Coming along very well – have now learned Paragon Rag (although still wobbly on p.4) and have moved on to Swipesy Cakewalk so there’s a possibility I could have learned that by Christmas. Keeping it fun is the main thing.

Reading

Currently reading the 30th anniversary issue of the LRB and also Sherlock Holmes, which I’m enjoying a lot.

Drawing

Released the WiC video on youtube which was fun to do and received some nice comments – and some less favourable ones – thanks G, keeping it real ;) This is now on the back burner for the time being waiting for further inspiration to strike. I do have another project in mind but am not sure if I’ll get round to starting it this week.

Premier cru project

Back on track! ACC is bringing back 8 pcs next week and I’ve spent some time with G looking at the maps in the book. We realised that not all the vineyards marked on the map as pc are included in the list of pcs, so there are more than we realised. G has been standing over me making me put the additional ones onto the spreadsheet. Boring but necessary! He’s also putting together an order from another wine merchant so we’re going to have plenty to get stuck into over the next few months.

Writing

Nothing to report. Previously I was writing a letter-to-self but now I’ve reached the stage where I’ve managed to bore even myself ;) so haven’t felt any great need to return to it. Last week I came across something I’d written a month ago and could see that I’d moved on to some extent, so that was good.

Quite a good week, on the whole. Lots done.

Work

Better than last week, managed to be productive and deal with a couple of things that had been hanging over me, so feel more on top of things. Tomorrow H and I are on a charity tax course _{no yawning at the back} and the prospect of not going into the office has banished Sunday night blues. I’ll probably get a bad attack of Monday night blues instead ;)

Friends and family

Fab evening on Wed with G and assorted middle-aged men drinking obscure booze. Otherwise it has been quiet, but plans are in progress. I’m thinking a lot about this at the moment: who do I really like spending time with? why are there some friends who are hard work to engage with? what works and what doesn’t? why is it that with some people I always seem to be the one making the effort, and is it worth it?

.

Family are all fine. November is going to be a big family month as will see them at least 3 times in London, for the trip up Big Ben, a wine-tasting, and my brother’s 40th birthday lunch (can’t believe he’s 40 next month argh!). I was wondering about going home at some point but am seeing parents so much anyway that am not sure I will.

Healthinessfullllllness and exercise

Nothing much to report.

Reading

Finished Lord EP’s book about his solo transatlantic crossing, which I enjoyed despite knowing nothing about sailing. Also read most of the LRB and am in the middle of a book about personality which Moose has lent me. It’s really interesting although it’s telling me some things I don’t want to hear. More on this later in the week as I come to terms with it.

Cooking

Finally used the terrine dish Mum gave me by making a duck terrine yesterday. It wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be and looks incredible but I haven’t tried it yet, waiting for G to turn up shortly. I hope it’s nice because there’s a lot of it! Project Oatcake has been set up as a separate goal and I’ll probably embark on it next weekend.

Piano

This is coming along well. I’ve practised 3-4 hours this week and Paragon Rag is definitely getting there, and I’ve started the first page of Swipesy Cakewalk which has a lovely carefree tune. I love walking to work with it in my head.

Drawing

I unexpectedly sprang into action this week and bought a tablet which is like a pad with a pen which connects to the computer. It came with Art Rage software, so now I can produce silly cartoons ad infinitum. Have been enjoying myself enormously! The Wallow in Crap video will be coming to youtube soon. You have been warned! ;)

Generally, feeling more cheerful than I have done for some time.

Friends and family

It’s been a good week on this front. Highlights: triple arse and seeing CB and A on Thurs, several very enjoyable evenings with G, getting the new wine-tasting calendar from ACC, an invitation from M and a couple of messages from the elusive AB. Next week: am looking forward to a boozy dinner at the Savile on Wed and seeing TR and PB, whose company is always good for morale.

_sigh

Work

Argh. The office is cheery at the mo, which is great, but we’re also under a lot of pressure and H was off sick for 2 days. I’ve told Big Phil that I think we need another person and he was quite receptive to that – at the moment I find myself still doing things that someone else could do, and not having any time to step back and look at the big picture which I’m supposed to be doing. Glad I’m not gallivanting much next week as it means I can stay late if I need to _{have just realised this makes me sound completely tragic ;)}

Exercise

Did a very quick weights session on Mon, tai chi on Wed, and more weights and an hour of cardio this week. More of the same next week and I’d quite like to get up early and do intervals one day but will see how the sleep goes.

Healthinessfullllllllllness

Last week I was quite depressed about my post-holiday bulge. This week it disappeared surprisingly easily, despite several days which could not be described as healthfullllllll. So that was good! This week, more focus required.

Reading

Haven’t done much this week – I seem to be in the middle of several non-fiction books all at once which isn’t great. Made a start on a very interesting novel this afternoon!

Writing

I wrote 5 pages this week, 4 on Monday and another one today. To be continued…

Piano

It’s very gratifying to be able to see the progress I’m making with this. Did about 3 hours practice this week and discovered yesterday that I can almost play the second page of Paragon Rag without the music. Page 3 is almost there. Page 4 needs work, but it’s coming on. Had a bash at the first page of Swipesy today – looking forward to learning that.

Premier cru project

This is back on, yay! and in the last week we’ve had two 10s! a 1988 Gevrey-Chambertin and a 2007 red Chassagne-Montrachet. I’ve also typed up all my notes, some of which had been lying around since June, so feels good to get it up to date. We had a lovely time last night poring over an auction catalogue, pair of wine geeks that we are ;)

Self-maintenance

I haven’t done anything notable to maintain myself, but I did clean the flat yesterday and got rid of some rubbish.

Sleep

Had two awful nights worrying about things in the middle of the night but it seems to have abated. The moral of the story is to stay away from alcohol on weeknights as much as possible.

Overall, ticking along I guess, but exuberance is still AWOL.

I actually feel like writing this entry! A week away from the Zoo, some serious thinky-time and discussing things with G have contributed to a renewed sense of purpose.

I’m increasingly aware of the way I waste time in the evenings and weekends. I sit around aimlessly surfing on the internet, drinking far too much most evenings and moping, instead of doing something constructive with my life. Self-loathing, never far below the surface, is creeping up on me again and I have to do something about it. There’s more to me than this and I need to get my shit together so I can end the year feeling better about things. So between 8 and 10 each evening I ought to be able to spend time doing something off this list.

On to the main stuff….

Family and friends

Had a week in Suffolk with my parents, brother and sister-in-law. It was very enjoyable and we all got on well. Although my mother hates Suffolk for historical reasons she managed to keep the lid on it most of the time. Dad was really happy with Head Trip which I gave him as a surprise present. It was fantastic to spend serious time with my sister-in-law who’s one of my favourite people, easygoing and cheerful with a great sense of humour, just lovely to be with. I also managed not to be horrible to my brother which I’ve had a tendency to be in the past, in the whole reverting to childhood thing, so that was definite progress.

Have just had a nice weekend here and saw G last night and today – we’re getting on well and it’s great that we can discuss everything and laugh about ridiculous things which I’m too embarrassed to share here. ACC came round for lunch today, which was very nice, there were no head injuries this time and we have plans to go to Burgundy in January!

This week: having coffee with Moose and Cate on Thurs followed by welcome drinks for CB! Also: must see about going to see Enron with L&A, email RJ and text the elusive AB who I haven’t heard from for ages and I miss her.

And a blank space goes here.

Work

Nothing to report as haven’t been at work, hurrah! Not feeling unduly apprehensive about tomorrow.

Healthinessfulllllllllness

Majorly up the creek this week owing to far too many pints of Broadside, fish and chips etc. This is going to be a big focus for the next few weeks.

Exercise

We did a fair bit of walking in Suffolk but otherwise this has fallen by the wayside. Am determined to do a couple of sessions of weights this week, tai chi on Wed and then an hour of light cardio on Sun.

Reading

In Suffolk I read Kate Atkinson’s “When Will There be Good News?” which was great, and then “White Tiger”, pretty good. Need to work out what to read next, but in the meantime there’s the LRB.

Piano

Did some on Friday and yesterday and now have the first page of Paragon Rag by heart and am well on the way to mastering the second page. The third and fourth pages aren’t all that difficult so am hoping I might have the whole thing down by Xmas.

Cornish flamenco drums

Absolutely crap. No progress at all. Wait a minute, Cornish flamenco drums don’t exist! ;)

Self-maintenance

Inspired by Cate, this is going to be a major thing in October. I need to go to the dentist and I need to get my eyes tested.

Drawing

I have a project in mind here, inspired by brooster. More to be revealed in due course!

Sleep

Am tired, despite having a week off, so am determined to get a solid 8 hours every night which realistically means going to bed at 10.30 except the weekend.

Writing

I’m not going to do Nanowrimo this year but that shouldn’t stop me writing anyway and perhaps if I can choose my subject matter carefully, it could be cathartic. Or I could start keeping a journal, again that might be both a useful writing exercise and help me get perspective about things. Need to give that some thought.

So, onward and upward for Q4!

The last month or two really flew by. swoooosh Loads of commitments, things happening at work, I can’t remember when was the last time I just buried myself in a book for a whole day (or at least a whole afternoon). A friend commented that I’m very lucky if my main complaint is over-active social life, but honestly, at this point, I’m just counting the days until my days (especially weekends!) are all mine again. Plus I have two days to come up with a perfect outfit to attend a wedding, at a time when my shopping mojo is at an all-times low. Meh. Let’s get on with things.

1) paperwork – Ahhh, it’s so nice not having to worry about the legality of my being in any given country at any given time. The last time I went to visit my parents, I didn’t even have to search for my passport, as my ID was enough to cross the border – I just threw some clothes in a bag and drove away! What a lovely feeling. I managed to accomplish most of other, smaller goals here, except switching banks. Too much of a hassle and I’d rather wait another year or two to see if the economy is going to collapse anyway. :P My bank does get on my nerves oh so very much, like randomly making mandatory all kinds of services I’ve never wanted to use. Grrr.

2) health – Mysterious joint aches still mysterious, weight gain stopped but not reversed. I did manage to train myself to a different eating schedule (main meal after work, not during lunch break like before), so I don’t snack all the time anymore. I’m doing something meditation-like most days even if it’s just a few minutes and reading about stress and relaxation techniques. I’m not doing much running (due to mysterious joint aches, MJA from now on :P), but I’m starting an aerobics class today. Will I survive? Will my unfitness leave me collapsed on the floor, gasping for air? Will MJA show themselves and convert me into an arthritic old lady for the next 10 days? Stay tuned for another episode of “Getting back to fitness with Vex!”
Oh yeah, I scheduled my regular checkups during Oct/Nov. 4 different doctors! I feel like a hypochondriac. _{No, wait, I am one! Ah, it’s ok then. :)}

3) everything else – I’ve moved the rest of my stuff to my boyfriend’s place. Hm… Not much else done. I don’t feel like accomplishing anything, I feel like nesting. I want to garden and knit and cook and bake and clean and make my home beautiful and above all snuggle. I don’t feel like going to meetings, typing up reports, negotiating with bloody infuriating stupid customers, negotiating with bloody infuriating stupid bosses, worrying that I’ve missed something if no catastrophe comes up after 2 consecutive days of calm, negotiating with occasionally infuriating boyfriend about home improvements, trying to juggle friends, family, work, sleep, basic hygiene and food without letting any of that fall out. :P

So there. I just have to survive till the end of the year. It’ll be better next year: 1 month unpaid leave, 1 month paid leave, Tunisia, probably Corsica again, London at least once and maybe Barcelona. Q4, you’d better behave yourself, I’m not going to tolerate any more of this Q3-like dumping-of-things-to-do-on-my-head. ;)

September:

• Write at least 2h a day happened on 19/30 days: I turned the SCP in and then worked on BAP, writing a total 5749 words

• Relationship: I was talking at least one hour with mate, close friends or relatives on 25/30 days

• Body: I was walking or running for at least 30’ on 18/30 days

Considering that I was on holiday till the 13th it’s not so bad.

Discoveries of the month:

- the virtual zen retreat by goodlifezen.com (and now I can’t live anymore without a zafu and a zabuton!)

- the color theory at Jenniferbutlercolor.com

it feels like years since last week

Friends and family

Excellent session on Monday with Moose, we had a lorra lorra laughs. The wine tasting on Tuesday was good fun. Have just come back from Oxford where I saw JP and also AHH, good to catch up, and JP said AHH was cheerier than usual which was nice to know. This week: off to Suffolk on Friday for a week which am looking forward to very much. G will no doubt turn up later although his hopes of smuggling Greystoke back to the Zoo have been dashed _{he got a spotty tummy, apparently!}

Work

Continues to go well and feel I’ll be able to have a week off without worrying about what might go wrong in my absence.

Reading

Still on Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers, nearly finished.

Piano

Going quite well…

Hawaiian guitar

Rubbish. No progress at all. Wait a minute, I don’t play Hawaiian guitar ;)

Healthinessfulllllllness

Not bad, not bad.

Exercise

None apart from tai chi, and I really don’t care right now. Sleep more important!

Am clearly not feeling very inspired this evening! Onto a quiet week this week getting ready for my holiday :)

A review should be a simple matter when one has just three goals as I have this year.

1. W(rite, but also work)

2. R(elationships)

3. B(ody)

1.
As for work and writing it hasn’t been bad, one book is out and another is to be before end 2009. I’m getting to know more colleagues and feel less of a stranger around my workplace. I passed my probation, which feels good. There are still issues and objections towards working in this place, and they are big issues for me: the colleagues are awful in general and behave in hateful ways towards female colleagues that have no power whatsoever. This is not a problem of my department, in the whole academic senate there is no woman. It depresses me awfully. The second problem is that I discovered that I can work, and work well and work a lot. But the sparkle is not there. I don’t feel excited by what I’m doing, because mostly is obeying to orders. “You have to write about this” and I do that. I hate being given orders, and yet I’m in no position to have any autonomy for now. This is the second most depressing thought. From outside it seems that everything is going very well, there are people who even envy me, and yet I know the truth and I don’t want to go on like this and don’t know what action to take. Stuck. Badly so.

2.
As for relationships, I managed to solve the big knot in my life, and I’m so happy the awful part is over! I didn’t know that is was sugar-soluble, and that between me and my mum we together could make each others’ lives so sweet! Mums are always such a distress and such a surprise at the same time. This is a total success. As for other relationships I’m as bad as ever. My friends get some phone calls some now and then (mostly then). With my mate I’m not sure if we are settling for separate lives and if we’ll be both happy with that. I think none of us realises what it means and if we can go on like that. I still have a hometown where I am mostly absent and a worktown that I associate with unpleasant feelings. So?

3.
Ah, the serious part at last! I am as devoid of any muscle as I ever was I’m afraid, but now I have lots of beautiful jogging attire and enjoyed greatly running by the sea. On March I joined a swimming course and am about to renew the subscription now. I swim in a funny way though. I look like some U-boat in existential crisis: I swim in circles, this is most embarassing. It’s due to me having an arm which is much weaker than the other. The only solution is to make the other one just as weak.

Other stuff:
- I discovered Psmith for the first time in my life but a week ago and I can’t imagine how I lived till now ignoring him.

- started reading ads to buy a flat in hateful worktown. getting depressed everytime and wondering how to turn my life upside down instead

- yes, I’ve been away, at first it was having to finish the book, then it was an effort to limit my time on the internet, and then it was time to be back.

without preamble

Friends and family

Had fun round at ACC’s on Tuesday and was good to see HPK unexpectedly. Then had lunch with ace colleague Z on Friday and dinner with G last night. This week sees coffee with Moose, a work wine-tasting and then a trip to Oxford at the weekend to visit JP and her cat Jasmine. Family are all fine and will be seeing them soon.

Work

Work is going really well at the moment. New minion P seems to be settling in, ace colleague Z and henchperson H cheer me up on a daily basis, and I think I’ve worked out how to handle the Upsetting Person (who has now upset other people too so it’s not just me).

Healthinessfulllllllllllness

Ok, nothing major to report

Exercise

Again ok. I’ve decided to move away from a weekly plan to more doing it when I feel like it. The prospect of new gym equipment in the near future is exciting.

Reading

Finished the Little Stranger, which I can’t honestly say I enjoyed, although it was quite gripping. Now reading the LRB and Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers which is really interesting.

Piano

This is going well. I can play the Entertainer again, and am making good progress with Paragon Rag. Started the second page today! It’s a slow process but I’m being patient with myself, Rome wasn’t built in a day and all that.

Cooking

Petits Pots Extreme were a great success! Plumble 1 has just gone in the oven.

Self-maintenance

Flat is reasonably clean… nothing else occurs right now.