make the most of 2009

just wrote an update here

Goodness, time flies. I was meant to do this review weekly, but it seems I’m incapable of getting back into the 43 things swing of things. I’m a little bit bored with my goals and feel like it’s always the same thing, but then, most of my goals are big ones and I certainly can’t mark them done yet and I can’t think of any new goals, either. So, here we go…

GOOD STUFF

Running club
New beginners’ course started. As always, I was really nervous the first couple of times, to the point that I forgot things I’d planned to say/do and just rushed through the sessions. However, feedback is great so far. The girls love it and now I feel super confident about it again, so yay. I also have a waiting list for the next course, so my task for the next week is to set a starting date and decide how to promote it.

Health and fitness
I feel pretty fit at the moment. I’d like to be fitter but I feel much fitter and stronger than I was two months ago.
I had a bloodtest last week and will get a new prescription next week, which will hopefully fix few problems I’ve had with my weight and few other things.

Mind
I finally decided to try to find a therapist again and I found a really lovely one. I’m so grateful. I’ve only had one session with her, but I feel so much better about some things and she’s already taught me some great coping techniques.

NOT SO GOOD

Health
Mostly, health wise things are good and once my meds are fixed, should get much better. However, the reason I put health here are as well, is that in the last couple of weeks I’ve started experiencing some mild candida symptoms. They’re very mild at the moment, so it should be an easy thing to fix. For the next 2 or 3 weeks, I’m just going to eliminate all the nasty things that have been sneaking they way back into my diet over the last 2 years. So, no more treat Fridays until all the symptoms are gone. Starting tomorrow, I think, so I can make biscuits tonight :).

Sleep
I don’t sleep! It is driving me insane. I’m tempted to ask my doc for sleeping tablets, just to break the cycle.

Time management
Still all over the place. I have trouble focusing and feel quite restless/anxious. I’m sure my insomnia makes this worse. I think I should mention this to the therapist this week.

House
Why is it such a mess? I feel like I clean all the time and yet it’s a mess. I have a lot of organising to do and might need to buy some sort of a strage unit.

COULD BE GOOD/COULD BE BAD

There is a slight possibility that we might move soon and it would be a BIG move, to a place that wouldn’t be on the top of my list of places to live, however, would definitely be exciting and most certainly different and interesting. I guess, at the moment, the possibility of it happening is 50/50. Everything is very uncertain at the moment, all because of the recession. I should know a little bit more tomorrow, but will probably take a few weeks before I know for certain. Until then, I’ll be thinking about it a lot, no matter how I try not to. Part of me thinks that although I know I want to move somewhere eventually, right now I’d like to stay put because things have just started working out and I’m quite happy. But then, if the opportunity came, eventhough it would be a big risk to take, I would not say no, because if I said no, I’d regret it for the rest of my life and I do enjoy an adventure and it would open up new opportunities. I could learn a new language, learn about a new, totally different culture, I’d be closer to my friends in Thailand…. As scary as it would be, it would also be exciting.
I don’t like uncertainty. It makes me feel a little anxious. I’m just trying to think that whatever is meant to happen, will happen. Whatever happens, will be the best thing to happen to me/us at this moment in time, so just go with it and make the most of it. stop worrying!!

It’s 3 months since I last updated this goal. Ooops. I’m going to try a new format, a weekly review of what’s going well and what’s going a bit less well. See if I can do this weekly.

GOOD STUFF

Creating the life I want/work
This is going really well. My running/fitness club has been a success so far and I’m getting lots of new clients through recommendations, so it’s going well and I feel good about it. I’m starting a new beginners course soon and getting paid proper money for it, yay! I’m also working on another project that should come together soon. Sometimes I feel frustrated and wish things were better, but when I look back at the last year, i realise how far I’ve come, how I’ve crawled out of the worst trap I’ve been in and now the future looks positive and full of opportunities.

Social life
I have friends, wooohooooo! I’ve made a few nice friends in the last few months and been out with them a couple of times. I’m meeting lots of people through running now and I feel I’m building a good network of friends and contacts.

Weekend
Now that I’m busy during the week, I appreciate weekends much more and feel the need to make the most of them. I love it. Last weekend we went to the Street Performance World Championships, which was a good laugh and the weekend before that we went for a walk in a lovely part of town where we could walk on the cliffs by the sea, away from the roads and traffic. It was so much fun. Also bought lots of cheap fish and fed the seals! We have several more day trips planned.

Exercise
I run loads now, though it’s slow pace, walk/run mostly, but lots of it. Last month I ran 93km and this month I’ll total about the same, I think. I’m also learning to respect my body and its limits and have allowed myself time off everything else but my club runs for the last couple of months. I think my body’s now getting used to it and I can soon add a weekly long run and a fartlek session back to my schedule. I’ve also started doing more core training and yoga again this week.

Less depressed
I don’t have time to feel down now. Most days I have lots to do and I can’t really afford to take a day off. Even if I do take a day off, I always have to go out in the afternoon/evening and meet people, so I have no choice but to cheer up, which is good. Also, something happened. My mum stopped talking to me, which, for some reason, is a HUGE relief. It’s like a big weight off my mind, like I’m free. Part of me wants to feel bad for feeling like that, but I’m determined to just enjoy my life for a while. I know it’s only a matter of time until she calls or emails pretending nothing has happened…

Confidence
Following on from the above, I’m feeling a little bit more confident these days. I’ve realised I need to be more selfish, I need to put myself first, be myself, think about my own feelings first and not always worry about others and make sacrifices for others.

COULD DO BETTER

Domestic Goddessness
I’m not keeping on top of housework and our apartment is a mess most of the time. I clean a little bit here and a little bit there, but it’s always a mess. Mostly, I just clean the bathroom every couple of days and everything else, hmmm, let’s just say every now and then… Now that I have stuff to do, housework is no longer a priority, though I’d still like to keep the place tidy.

Time management
Bad bad bad. I need to get moving a bit faster in the mornings, go to bed early, wake up early, spend less time online, focus on one task at a time, prioritise and stop procrastinating.

Weight
Not going up nor down. Well, at least not going up is good! I’m struggling to eat enough some days. Some days I’m starving all the time, other days I have no appetite. I try to just eat enough and regularly and hopefully, eventually things will balance out. I’m trying not to think about my weight (though that seems to make no difference).

Stress
I’m finding some external things very stressful. These are things that are out of my control, but still, I can’t help but almost die from stress when I think about them. So I try not thinking about them, but that is not possible. I’m doing my best to think positively and trust that in the end it’ll all be ok.

Moods
I still struggle to control my moods. I fly of the handle so easily and the smallest things upset me. PMT makes it worse. At least I’m aware of it and I feel I’m very close to getting it under control.

Okay, so things are never as straightforward as you’d hope: one more speed bump on the road kind of thing. Still, I worded this goal quite deliberately: make the most of, however that’s possible.

_{besides, my list of goals was looking way too sparse!}

April is gone – thank goodness! It wasn’t completely awful, but it wasn’t good. Well, exams are done and that’s the main thing!

May, then, is my New Year – hurrah! Works well: the weather is glorious, spring is well and truly sprung, and I have something like choice again in terms of spending my time! :)

The plan is, I suppose, to try and juggle back into my life all the things I want to be doing. Yup – it’s that old balance chestnut cropping up again! I want a life where one element doesn’t crowd out everything else. Yes, I have a lot of interests, but I’m happy shuffling back and forth between them all. There’s a skill in not dropping the balls, so to speak, and I want to give it a good go!

Of course, this is also the month where studying is no longer prioritised above work – and that means getting my head down, I guess! I loved this job when I started, and since then I feel like it’s been an endless trail of time off for ill health and exams and all far too stressy. After a fortnight away, I think it’s time for a fresh start, and to start applying myself a great deal more to being work-brilliant!

1. Healthfullness – sleep, weight, exercise
2. Work – I’ve not been the ideal employee, and I think it’s time to prove I can focus and excel.
3. Fun! All those hobbies: card making, cinema, cooking, reading, review writing, and the newbie – gardening! Ooh, and photography – this should be the month of the new camera, methinks?! And, of course, planning for that holiday :)
4. Learning – it never ends, and it never should! Final two modules this year (NetApps that I started and dropped last year, and the new Multimedia Design which I hope is half as fun as it sounds!), plus all my ‘own’ learning: CSS, anything website-y, etc!
5. Decluttering – both physically (late spring cleaning!) and mentally: need to free ‘space’ (ie time) for all of the above, get things slotting into their places nicely.

One thing that excites me about all this is possible connections between hobbies and goals. Photography and gardening – taking photos of my efforts! Website building and any of my hobbies: building little trial sites to showcase photos or cooking experiments or card making. Exercise and gardening, naturally. Exercise and exploring my city, starting with the library sign-up :)

I’m well chuffed with how March went – possibly for the first time ever, the goals I set out to prioritise stayed at the top of my sights and good progress was made! :)

There aren’t any surprises for April: by the end of the month I’ll be done with exams for another year – thank crunchie! – but there’s a lot of work to be done before the month is out.

1. Studying
2. Studying!
3. (Mental) health – so, meditation, relaxation, and some fun to balance out the first two.
4. Weight – making good progress, despite the studying, so want to keep going!

As I say, March has been brilliant on the weight-loss front. I’m still not pushing for uber-exercising until post-exams, which means continuing to be sensible on the eating even through the stress.

Otherwise: survive and thrive!

• Boost my metabolism check where I’m at with this and hopefully mark it as done by the end of April and then use this as my main eating goal. Motivation: eating well and detoxing my body of crap will make it easier to get pregnant and have healthy pregnancy and baby.
• Aim to lose min 5 pounds in the next 5 weeks, secretly, I’m hoping to lose 10 but we’ll see, if I can’t do much exercise, I’m happy with 5. – motivation: I want to be slim before I get pregnant, makes things easier and I’ll feel better about myself.
• Exercise – I’m hoping to be able to start running next week again. I want to make sure I build it up slowly, do lots of stretches and rest as much as needed. Also hoping to get back to yoga next week.
• Look after my mental wellbeing check my plan and make sure I do something towards this goal at least every other day. Motivation: Pregnancy will be much easier the fitter you are (so they say, obviously I have no personal experience of this! though I have to say I’ve observed this in other people and think it’s often true).
• Random goals: Look into swimming lessons.

2. Creating the life I want to live:

• Career: I’ve started running with 1 person and it’s going well (though on hold for another week now) someone else has just contacted me about the same, so will start with her soon too. Also, must find out about the PT course and look into getting a grant. Will keep an eye on part time jobs, too. I need to sit down and think what my options are, I’d love to find a part time job.
• Going out, doing things: Swimming lessons, running club look into other activities
• Social life: a friend of a friend lives nearby now, so am hoping to get to know her better, someone else I sort of know works nearby and we’re planning to meet for lunch soon. Also going out with MiL next week and we’re planning to do more things together.
• Travel – nothing is going to happen this month but will have to start booking the wedding trip and also re-plan Rome as well as start thinking about xmas, do we want to go away?
• Home – I want to start a new goal as I really want to put some effort in to making our home pleasant and making sure we enjoy it. It’s very cosy as it is, but I want to do a few little things and get it more organised (lots of shopping, lol!)

3. Mind and Spirit goals:
Make sure I take some time out every day to do affirmations and practice positive thinking. Look into finding a therapist again, though I don’t feel I have the energy to do that right now. I think starting to exercise again will help a lot and I’ve also found some good advice on how to cope with some stuff, so I see how that works.

4. Be Myself:
I need to remind myself of this goal every day!

5. Heal my marriage :
Keep on working on things. Think about the few little changes I can make.

6. Stay motivated:
Try to stay positive and find a way to push myself a little bit more.

• Boost my metabolism I think I’ve more or less achieved this, though will keep the goal here for a little while longer as I’m worried about the affect of the last few weeks.
• Exercise See above. I feel awful for not having done any exercise recently. I’m worried about losing my fitness.
• Look after my mental wellbeing I’ve tried to find a therapist but no luck so far. Moving made a huge difference and there are few positive things happening, so right this minute I feel good, though I’ve had some very low points recently and think I should still find a therapist.
• Random goals: I did Bikram for a month.

• career wise, not much has happened. I started running with someone, which is great practice and has has convinced me that I want to do the PT course.
• Doing things/going out – it’s been v quiet…
• Social life – also v quiet
• Travel – nothing…
• Move – this is the best thing I’ve done so far this year! Finding a place that we love took a lot of work and it was my main focus for the last few months. All that paid off and I found a place that is very close to what I pictured our dream place to be like.

3. Mind and Spirit goals:
I have not focused on this much lately. This is a very important goal for me so I’m a bit disappointed that I’ve so totally managed to ignore it…

4. Be Myself:
Ditto. I’ve forgotten about this goal almost completely. I have felt very much as if I don’t even know who I am in the last month or so…

5. Heal my marriage :
This is going well. Things are back to normal and in many ways much better than before. There are still things we need to work on, but it’s all good.

6. Stay motivated:
Not so good…

Overall, some good things have happened. I’m so happy about the move. It really took all my focus and energy and now I feel I can start working on my other goals properly again.

Once we’re moved in, I need to sit down and take stock – see where I’m at and where I’m going. Make a fresh start.

The one constant with plans seems to be how often they get knocked off track! After declaring Feb as the ‘proper’ start to the year, I have to revise that to March – Feb saw me deep in recovery, dealing with extra stresses, and devoting the bulk of my energy to getting back up to full time in work. Which is… not so much fine as unavoidable – if it takes six weeks to get over surgery, it takes six weeks!

1. Studying
2. Health – yes, it should kind of be first, but it’s been at the top of the list for ages now and used as an excuse!
3. Weight and fitness – I want to tackle these anyway, what better (nice) motivation than an upcoming holiday?! :)

Studying is as studying is: do it, do lots of it, take regular breaks and avoid burnout. For this month – or at least the start of it – it really is just a case of bloomin’ well getting on with it!!

Health… plenty rest, really, and with point 3 as a (more focused) subset.

Exercise-wise I’m going to continue taking it a bit easy this month – but increasingly less so. There’s no point in going gung-ho after several months of inactivity – I’ll hurt myself, and in fact I already have a sore ankle (although not from anything strenuous!). Add in the study-requirements, and I’m not keen to sign up for anything huge. Instead my idea for March (and quite possibly April) is just to start building up again: walking, more walking, yoga and stretches, maybe some strength work (at home). Gardening might creep in during March, weather depending.

Weight… ah, there’s no point in being all ‘I’m better than having a weight-loss goal’. Truth is, I’m not happy with my size – not hugely unhappy, but not happy. It’s been going up and up over the years, and these past few months in particular have been attrocious: just, no controls, eat what I like, treat myself I’ve not been well. This has to stop, or I WILL be hugely unhappy! Plus, I’ve been sitting just outwith the healthy range for quite some time now – ooh, just oodles of reasons: clothes not fitting, blah blah.

And as I say: nothing like a holiday to get my motivation going! I have 14 weeks ‘til I go away – at a very reasonable pound/week, that’s a whole stone!! I’m actually considering buying some scales (ones that work) to help keep myself motivated with this. My plan does NOT involve starving myself, but treats (pudding, chocolate, Ultimate Mash) have to go back to being just that. My evening meals aren’t too bad, but I could do waaay better on the snacking.

Plan of attack: wait til I’m hungry, avoid obvious pitfalls (chocolate!), start reading 4DW again – to the point of action this time!

Pitfalls: choc/crisps already in the house – okay, just ration them out as proper treats rather than nomming indiscriminately. Also, pre-exams are not a great time for self-control, but let’s see what I can do without stressing myself out.

It sounds so… I dunno, fluffy-female-brained, to want to focus on such a thing. But I’ve wanted to be fitter and sleeker for years – it’s damn well time to take action!! I am in control and I can have it if I want!! :P