be passionate

it seems like yesterday,i was was harvesting ,my tomatoes,the autom whind whised in the dark gloomy night.we would gather aroung for soup,and coco,the leaves on the trees would fall in the frost.what a buetiful memery that seems like yesterday this happened but now just.just a past memery.

My Moon sign is Scorpio, and i can be a real fire, but then again, My Sun sign is Pisces, and they can bring me down times to times.

i just wanna be passionate about love and life..

i wish i was “oh the beauty in death” oh,oh the pain,worysom lonlyness kill me once again ,i wannabe passionate but i cant. having no one along side is troublesum ,to share the guilt i heard im handsome before,but i want a girl with strong emotions 2 be my emobabe.

I don’t think this needs to be a goal any more because I have realized that I am passionate. I’m passionate about many things, and it’s all too much for my own good. I try until I can’t. I give even if I don’t get. And I love until it hurts. To some, these would be good things. For me, it makes me hurt, but I can’t stop even though it hurts. The scary thing is…I wouldn’t want it any other way.

i think i had this. i know i lost this.

everything that i was once excited about, i’m not. i know i love interior design, but where is my passion for it?

i’ve lost it somewhere. this past month has been hard but that’s no excuse for lost passion. the truth is, i’ve let it go. now i want it back.

i want to be that individual i’ve always been. unfraid of others oppinions. confident of myself. that person who’s goals included painting her boyfriend’s chest and running through a field of wildflowers.

i want to spend time on the things i love. i want to paint. draw for hours. take pictures. capture life. i want to spend entire days laying around with my boyfriend. and entire days out having fun with him. i want the awkwardness and insecurity to go away. i want to not care of others oppinions and be confident in who i am once again.

i want to be free to love and live again. that sounds so cheesy but i don’t care. i find myself afraid to love. it’s that very love that betrayed me last month and is making me scared now.

so how do i overcome this fear and embrace my passion? how do i embrace everyone and everything with open arms when i’m really just scared of getting hurt and of being rejected? this is about as honest as i’ve been for a while now. i’m realizing i need time for myself, time to indulge in my passions and time to heal.

my boyfriend is an amazing photographer. but what amazes me most, is his passion for it. i went over to his house to wake him up and the first thing he did after he got out of bed was get on the internet to look at some photography websites. he has a few that he looks at everyday. now granted this was after we laid in his bed, fading in and out of sleep for a few hours, but still, it was instinctive of him to look at them. and he did it again that same day. i’m completely amazed by his passion for it. i love having his complete attention; i don’t need it all the time, but somtimes, its nice just having him for me. so i’m like thinking, “why is he looking at these photos?” but it makes sense now. and photography is art without a doubt. but its so much different from other arts, from painting, from drawing. and i think i envy his ability to take pictures so quickly, since drawings cannot be rushed. but i admire his passion, and i want it to become a part of my life too.

growing up i was one of those kids who didn’t really have anything they loved to do. my sister was the smart and athletic one. i hadn’t found my thing yet.

senior year my grandfather died. i discovered art. he was an artist, but it took me dying to be one. i definitely consider art to be one of my passions. the problem is, i don’t dedicate enough time to it. how can i be so passionate about drawing and painting when i haven’t done either one of those for weeks? i’m in school to be an interior designer (which is nothing like hg tv or an interior decorator so don’t even ask), and that’s consuming my time.

but every day, at least every week, i should be painting in the bathroom and drawing buildings and people. i want my passion for art to be known. i want to be consumed by my desire to draw and paint and take photos and everything else. i know it’s just one thing, but for now, i’m going to work on being more passionate about art. about my art.

this is one of those goals that i’ll never know whether or not i fulfill it. when i say that i want to be passionate, does that mean for one day, one year, my lifetime or merely a moment? and does that mean that i’m passionate about life or about god or about love? can thisbe fulfilled in one moment of passion? one moment of passion for life? or one passionate kiss?

i think that i want this goal to be about more than lust and even more than love. i want it to be inspired by love but incorporated in everything i do. i want to be passionate for life and love and people. i want to approach the world without worry or fear, just love and trust. and i want to be spontaneous. i guess this passion can best be compared to that kiss. unplanned. spontaneous. excited. bold. unafraid. beautiful and motivated by love. hmm…i would love living a life with those few things inhabiting my every action.

i just love to be expressive inthe moment and for my life and others