Not be exhausted

it is 642 in the morning…i’ve not been to bed yet…can’t sleep. probably because i’m worried about the previous entry about the fiance…

unfortunately, this is not a new problem…nearly every week for the past 2 months, I’ve had at LEAST 1 night where i’ve been up all night.

sometimes, its because i’m afraid once i fall asleep, i won’t wake up when i need to. i know i’m tired, but i’m afraid i’ll oversleep. so if there is a day i have things early the next morning, i usually am afraid to oversleep and don’t get to sleep at all. i know its dumb but its true.

i’ve tried going to bed when my kids do at 9:00. Still…I can’t fall. I’ve done herbal tea, tylenol pm…nyquil, etc. Doc gave me RX to help me sleep but only works for a few days then nada. I HATE THIS!!!!

i’ve not been to sleep before 4:30 in about 2 weeks…its unbearable. i’m dead tired, but cant fall. AAAAAHHHHHHH

Seems like I cannot sleep, ever! The past few nights, I’ve not slept, almost at all. I slept an hour night before last and 30 min last night..THIS SUCKS!!! Im tired, but can’t fall asleep. Cant take anything cause of the meds Im on. UUUUUURRRRGGG. SO frustrating.

Seems like i’m never going to complete this goal. Last night, I set out to go to bed by 9. I really really need the rest. I’ve only slept about 6 hours in the past 4 days.

Anyways, I set out to go to bed by 9, I ended up going to bed around 12:30. Got more sleep last night than I have all week, but I still woke up at 3:30. URG.

This one is probably the farthest from being complete. I’m juggling work, school, kids, dr appointments, studying, taking care of my mom….i can barely keep my eyes open and I have to leave soon to take my son to school and get to an 8:30 meeting. That will last until noon, then I have class at 1:30-4:30. Then I have to meet my ex-husband at my mom’s to “trade kids.” Then, I think I’m done. Hopefully, I can go to bed early tonight. Doesn’t help that I have a cold and have been sick for almost 2 weeks. URG.

Ok, I’m done complaining. :-)

I know why, I know how to correct it. I know how to achieve this goal. But instead, I run. I run until I can’t see straight because I’m so exhausted. I don’t take care of my body and get the help I need. I have a good reason, but it’s an excuse all the same.

I need to go to the doctor. A real doctor. Get pain management so I’m not worn down from hurting so badly. I need to get pain management so I don’t have to have a drink on my lunch break just to finish the day at work. So I don’t wreck my car from an episode. So I don’t collapse in the store when I’m walking. It’s getting to be too much. I need healthy pain management so I don’t have to drink everynight just to get some form of relief.

Pain management, coupled with being able to sleep without being woken up from pain, not drinking so frequently to help manage the pain; these things would really help me to not be so exhausted. I have to be proactive. I have to stand up and say, “Hey, this is bullshit. If you won’t help me, I’ll find a doctor who will.”

Paying for it will be an entirely different issue.

Perhaps if I weren’t doing 31 things on 43things, I might have more energy. But what is the fun in that? This is my way to live my life as ME, not as mommy or ex-wife, or neice. This is my journal. My way to focus on who I want to be.

I’m thinking if I can reach this goal, I can reach the one above it. (have more sex.) :-) Or maybe if I reached that one, I would sleep better and not be so exhausted in the morning. hmmmm.

still working on it…still working on it.

This IS NOT going to happen…anyone who carries the load I do..3 jobs, 3 kids, PTA, committees at work is BOUND to be tired…lemme move this to ONGOING.