Speak my mind more often, and ask for what I deserve.

between being too nice and polite, and a bit too unpolite. It’s hard! I just yelled at another dog owner for the first time. His dog was rushing towards Cora off leash, not an aggressive dog, but just way too energetic and pushy for her. So I called to the guy to put his dog on leash, but he was using an ipod and didn’t hear me. I called several times, but he didn’t respond until he had passed me on the path, his dog still bothering us, and just said an uninterested “Baltus, come on” to his dog.The dog obviously ignored him. I really lost my temper and yelled at him to control his bloody dog.
In a way I feel bad, my reaction was probably a bit out of proportion to the situation. It also felt a bit liberating though. If you let your dog off leash, you need to turn the volume on your ipod down at least enough to hear if someone is trying to communicate with you. Other dogs can be sick, scared, in heat (his dog was male) or aggressive, and you can always run into people who are seriously terrified of dogs.
I’m quite happy with my progress on speaking my mind a bit more. I need to work on two things though.
- Pick my battles very carefully, just for my own sake.
- Find a good balance on how to express my opinions. I’ve always tried to say things very politely, thinking that people will appreciate my nice way of saying things, and try to be respectful in return. Some people do. Others though, seems to interpret that as an invitation to ignore me, apparently thinking “Right, I hear what you’re saying, but since you’re saying it nicely you probably don’t really mean it, so I’ll just ignore you and keep doing what I’m doing”. Which is really hurtful, when I’m trying to set some boundaries and be respectful of others at the same time, and they are just disrespectful in return. I probably need to be less concerned with being nice and polite all the time. But at the same time not cross the boundary and be unnecessarily rude. Not easy!

might not always be the best strategy. I ended up in a bit of a quarrel with a pretty big guy with a dog of a fighting dog breed yesterday, and I`m realizing that it might not have been very wise, since I will probably meet him again on my walks, and I walk my dogs alone in the evenings every day.
I just couldn`t hold my tongue though. I`m usually way too nice and polite, but this guy was just over the top.
I was walking the dogs, and another dogowner told me to avoid a group of guys who were barbequeing and drinking in the park, they had just yelled at her because her dogs had been trying to get food from them. I thought it wouldn`t be a big problem, my dogs have never tried to steal food, but I decided to walk as far away from them as I could when passing them. But then their dog came running up to us, off leash. The thing is, Cora is in heat, this was a male dog, and he was impossible to get rid of. Controlling my two dogs and keeping him at a distance was incredibly stressful, and it could have been dangerous for me, he could have bitten because I was in his way.
Finally, a guy came towards us, calling his dog. No reaction from the dog. So I called to the owner saying my dog was in heat, and told him to come get his dog. He walked over very slowly, saying, “he doesn`t usually bite”. And I said I don`t care, my dog is in heat, get your dog under control right now. And then the prize idiot said “Oh, you see, he`s a police dog, he can never be on a leash, he has to be in attack mode at all times”. WHAT?? You seriously expect me to believe that you have a police dog who doesn`t come when called?? And who can never be on a leash?? Who has to be in attack mode when being in the park with his drunk owner? That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. I didn`t say that, but I said I don`t care what his dog is, if he can`t control it, he needs to be on a leash. And then he started yelling things like “Oh yeah, so you think you can make your dogs come when called, do you? Let them off leash and call them then, I dare you, so you can see how easy it is!” OMG. I told him that as a matter of fact, I have trained my dogs, they do come when called, but I`m not letting a dog in heat off leash. especially around an out of control male dog, that is ridiculous. He kept yelling, so I just called him an idiot or something and left.
Sigh. I should have just ignore the idiot “he`s a police dog” thing and left, because there is now a guy in the area, clearly not completely sane who doesn`t like me. Crap.

I could get better at expressing my feelings. Today for instance, I picked up my dogs from my ex, who has watched them since yesterday. I`m really grateful to him for helping out. But I had very specifically told him not to let Agatha off leash at all, because she could get seriously hurt. And I explained that her pain episodes comes a day or two after she has had too much exercise or done sudden movements, so if she seems ok at the time, that doesn`t mean she`s ok. Then today I asked what they had been doing, and he said he had taken them to his parents house, and Agatha had been on several walks off leash, and spent a lot of time playing off leash in the garden. Argh!
Also,he had asked to borrow my car, and I said he could. But right before that, the car started making really loud noises, that doesn`t sound good. He`s much better with cars than me, so I gave him the keys and said he could have a look at it if he wanted, and if he found out what it was and that it wasn`t something serious, he could drive it, but if he didn`t figure it out, I didn`t want him to drive the car much. Today, I found out that he had no clue what the noise is, but he had driven the car to his parents house anyway, which is an hour of driving outside Oslo. What??

I wish I could express very clearly both that I so much appreciate his help with the dogs, but that I also that I wish he would listen to what I say to him and not risk my dogs health and risk serious damage to my car without asking me. Instead, I said vaguely thank you for watching the dogs, and just as vague things like “You drove my car all the way there? Hm, I`m worried about that noise”. Sigh. And I probably just seemed very grumpy.
There is clearly something wrong with my car, and he migh have made it worse now. And worse, Agatha could get awful pain episodes on tuesday, which is the first day she`s spending with the dogsitters friend, who offered to watch them this week. The dogsitters friend doesn`t know Agatha, and so it will be much harder for her to recognise changes in behaviour in Agatha that is a sign there`s a pain episode coming, and Agatha will feel less safe and comforted with her if it happens, since she`s a total stranger. Sigh. Crap.

Politeness is a curse. I really want to be nice to people and I want people to like me. But noone can be liked by everyone, and I need to start speaking my mind more. Today for instance, I had to take a taxi back from the dogsitters, because of Agathas back, she can`t walk far. The dogs were standing in the back of the car. But the driver wasn`t driving nicely at all, he made all sorts of sudden turns and stops, leaving the dogs struggling to stay on their feet. Which normally isn`t a big deal, but it`s the worst thing for Agathas back. Movements that she controls is generally not dangerous, but sudden movements that she`s not in control of could cause a lot of problems. So I looked to the back and must have looked worried, because the driver asked me if he had made a turn too sudden for the dogs. And I said yes, and told him that one of the dogs has a back problem, so I don`t want her to move suddenly like that. And he said oh, right, and started discussing dogs with me, and kept driving the same way. And I didn`t say anything more.
Argh! Why can`t I just speak up? I could have easily told the guy that I`m paying for him to drive me and I would like him to drive slower. But I didn`t. Argh.