Seek out and put myself in situations where I might make some friends.

Dinner with Liz, Kristen, Paul, Carlene and others. Had a nice time. Liz could become a friend, maybe. Kristen, too?

One trouble I have with friend-making is that I have been an isolater and a socially phobic sort since I was little, and I never really FOUGHT that tendency very hard. So I don’t have a lot of practice at the process of building a friendship.

I understand that you don’t right away have to fall in friendship with someone. But, since I’ve never worked at making friends, and haven’t been a natural at just Being Around people… I don’t have a lot of experience with the process of friendship evolution, where because we are social, pack mammals, we simply hang around together and then over time form limbic bonds for no reason other than proximity and familiarity. I find myself wanting to pick out which woman will be my friend, so that I can start to work on being friends. But, I guess it doesn’t always work that way. Sometimes you just need to work on being in physical proximity to people for a while.

I really hope friendships will eventually start to blossom.

I think that will be the biggest miracle of all, if I can build myself a little social-support-network. Being able to say that I have some true friends, that will be the sign that my life has changed utterly.

The job is scary and the people are intimidating, but the more I think about it, the more I think it will be great for all my goals, including this one. I’ll have more exposure to people – and maybe make some friends! I’ll get out of the house more, at least.

to a dinner with a bunch of women I don’t know – this coming Friday.

I said I would go, even though the thought of it scares me. But, in the interest of putting some effort into this goal… I’ll go.

My craving for isolation comes from a diseased part of my brain! I need to fight it. It’s not good for me.

Just putting that out there…

I’m forcing myself to socialize a little with AA peeps. It’s called “fellowship.” I went out last night with the gang of them and then split off with two nice women and had a little dinner with them. It wasn’t bad. I just have to keep forcing it until it gets more comfortable. I used to think I just didn’t have enough opportunity to meet people, but now I realize I just honestly don’t feel all that comfortable around most people. Especially women.

My therapist says I have a lot of transference toward women. Negative transference, on account of crazy old mom.

So. Practice. Gotta get over it. NEED some good women friends.

I joined 2 meet-ups.

First, an Artist’s Way meet-up that’s starting in a couple of weeks, about which I’m very excited. I’ve been meaning to take up the book for 10 years, since the first time I did it, but I always get a chapter in and give up. A notice about a new group forming arrived in my inbox today and the photo of the woman starting it was very appealing – she looks like good friend material – AND she mentioned the Omega institute in her introduction, and I’ve been thinking a LOT the past couple weeks about how I wish I could do an Omega stint again. So, I think it was fate. I joined right up.

Also a little meet-up for crafter/cook/gardener types who want to do things like make yogurt and bake bread and grow food in window boxes on the porch and, make stuff – which seems quite fitting considering how much I’ve been thinking of doing all these things and hoping I’d get the mojo up to try them. The first meeting for that one is in a week.

This is a start.

(If you’re wondering about those OTHER two meetups I referred to in the first post on this subject, they didn’t work out. But I have faith these new ones will be a better fit.)

I’ve signed up for a bookclub in the Boston suburb I’m moving to, a writing support group (which is supposed to be about fostering writing of participants, not so much a critique group, more a mutual encouragement society), and a “goddess circle” for women who are into things like yoga, meditation, reiki, rituals and whatnot.

Have 2 meetups to go to the first week in my new apt. We’ll see how they go!