So, go to church…I know that this is something that’s not going to happen overnight. For at least 6 or 7 years, I went to church..my whole family did. I went slightly before, all through high school, and slightly afterwards. I went, religiously, hardly ever missed a Sunday, pun intended. After just kind of phasing it out of my life, especially after moving out, I’ve been on extreme ends of the spectrum when it comes to religion, on both sides. I’ve convinced myself that there’s not even a higher power at times, though that was based on nothing but bitterness.
Anyways, after lots of thought on the subject, I came to realize that it was not God that I was upset with, but rather, it was organized religion. I don’t fit the mold of the ‘religious person’ as they’re viewed. I am incredibly liberal in many of the more ‘hot-stove’ issues, including gay marriage, abortion, alcohol and drug use, etc. That’s not to say I run around getting people pregnant and encouraging abortions, am a homosexual or a drug-addict. But, my views on the subjects go against pretty much all church views of them. That’s one snag I run into, when trying to convince myself to go, it’s not that I don’t want to go to a place of worship, it’s the fact that I fear my individual views on things like that will differ so greatly from those of the church, that I’ll be looked down upon. Add that to my intense dislike of being the ‘new guy’, that I really have a lot of mental hurdles I’ll have to overcome on this one.
I also have a very embittered viewpoint on ‘the church’. My biggest thing is, of the ones I went to while growing up, the focus seemed to be more on the church itself. Not God. It was…almost like a village, where everyone knew everyone else’s business, and felt the need to discuss it when they weren’t around. Something as simple as a food pantry, with canned goods and things for people in need was a sore subject. The new food pantry manager noticed on her first day of doing it, that numerous items were long-expired. Upon pointing it out to the pastor, the reply was to give it away anyway. Having thankfully never been so in need that I required food or money from a church, I can’t say as I know how that feels. However, my mom was, in her younger days, and hearing her account of how upsetting and hard of a thing it is to do…to literally go to someone, in one of your most down periods of life, and ask for their charity…the thought of them handing you a bunch of expired items just disgusts me. That someone could see someone else, so down on their luck that they’re unable to provide themself or their family with one of the 3 necessities of life, food, and not treat them with enough respect to give them something unexpired. I have no doubt that pastor wasn’t feeding that to his family.
So, that got rather lengthy…but it’s just one example of how my previous experience with religion has me very turned off from, not God, but church. I do want to go back…to find one that I don’t feel out of place in, and that does good deeds because they want to, not because they’re expected to. So…this is a goal that I could easily accomplish next Sunday…but it’s not going to come nearly that easy for me, or that quickly.
