The more focus I put into saving the better I feel about this goal.
I really struggled with this for a long time. Mostly in relation to my husband who I know bought his ex wife expensive diamond earrings, had lavish holidays together etc. It wasn’t that I wanted those things neccesarily – although the hols do sound great – it was what that represented to me, about our relationship. Unfounded but messed with my head all the same.
The more confident I get in myself the more that feeling disipates – thank god – I mean, it was a real issue for me for some time. But also the more I think about my savings goals the more I feel like that urge to splurge is leaving me. Christmas this year I can’t think of one thing I want. I used to have huge lists always on the go, but now I would be happy with a massage voucher or something small like that. And that feels good. It takes pressure off of me, and pressure off of everyone else to live up to these standards in my head. 2 years ago
I like stuff – cute little things, beautiful art, pretty cup cakes and when I get passionate about stuff I tend to want it and want it right at that very moment. But i think I have that pretty much under control. I rarely buy stuff anymore. I get a kick out of all the wonderful things I have.
This goal is to do with things from my husband..God it sounds so stupid – for some reason I think that gifts equate to how much someone loves you – if you’ve read love languages one of my major love languages is receiving gifts – and that’s ok. It’s even better if your partner speaks the same language or chooses to relate to you in that specific way. But you see, my husband doesn’t always think this way. Pls don’t get me wrong – I have been showered with so many wonderful things during our relationship – but to him gifts don’t show love at all, or certainly not in the same way as spending time together for example. And I agree with that too but I can’t get past the gifts he has given to PREVIOUS partners!!! I know I know – it is bloody annoying for him and frustrating for me! But to me, the question that comes up for me, is ok if he doesn’t show love through gifts why did he buy such and such, a certain present?
I don’t want to sound greedy because it’s really not about that at all…it’s about feeling not as loved, not as special, not as important to him based solely on the things I know he has given other people as opposed to what I have rec.
It’s frustrating because like I said I am so lucky and very very grateful for the gifts I have from him – they are all beautiful, thoughtful and show a deep understanding of me as a person and the things I love. I have been given so much! So why do I keep going back over these things in my mind. Well for one, it doesn’t happen when things are rosey for me or between us – doesn’t cross my mind – even if he hasn’t given me anything for ages. But if I’m having a bad day, feeling ugly, feeling boring, feeling unlovable, or if we have had an argument, my mind instantly rushes and I mean literally rushes to all of the examples I have stored up in my head esp for times like that, to prove that I am not as loved as previously girls.
I guess all I can do is know how loved I am, know that my gifts do not represent how loved someone is and SLOW DOWN whenever these thoughts invade my tiny mind!It all sounds so petty and it is until my brain explodes… 4 years ago