keep my sense of wonder

Have you ever stared at something for so long that it seems as if you’ve never seen it before?

Sometimes, for me, it’s words. And sometimes, my fingers. :)

Or when your friend lays beside you and touches your face.

Seriously, i’ve wondered this for a while now. How designated a curse word to be a curse word…some of the words are so interesting…okay…I’ll shut up now.

Gosh…i love stars. They’re so beautiful. I love it when you can stand outside, stare at them and feel so lost and dizzy.

The smell of rain. Sometimes, i can smell it before it rains. It’s a consuming smell…It makes me feel delicious and heavy.

....makes you see everything with new eyes.

...was sitting on the windshield of my car when I went to go out yesterday. He hadn’t quite figured out yet that he should be afraid of people, so I was able to get about 6 inches away from him and look him in the eye for about 2 minutes. He must have been fresh from the nest - he fluttered more than he flew - but it was nice to get so close to such an innocent little creature.

What a great way to appreciate the miracles of nature. Also a tasty way to appreciate said miracles (mmmm….fresh spinach & radishes)! I can’t wait until the tomatoes and peas start coming!

...not psychotic messages, or anything, but my “theme songs” seem to pile up every time I turn on the radio during this busy and somewhat stressful time in my life. And I have to just sit back in my car and smile and laugh and cry and sing all at the same time because I have this immense feeling I’m being looked out for.

A recent case in point: the song “You’re Beautiful” by James Blunt echoes a particular experience I had in NYC a few years back, when my husband and I had been married only a year and a half.

If you’ve heard the song, you know it’s about a guy who falls in love with an “angel” that he sees on the subway, even though he knows he’ll never see her again.

Right after Christmas 2003, my husband and my parents and I went down to NYC for a few days to see the Rockettes and just enjoy NY. One day my husband and I walked down to the USS Intrepid Sea-Air-Space museum, and as we were touring the museum, this strikingly handsome man with black hair and stunning green eyes looked at me - I mean REALLY looked at me like I was a painting or a sculpture or something. And I felt….radiantly beautiful. I don’t know that anyone had looked at me that way before, even my husband - he’s more into my brains, I think. Even my husband noticed this guy - we had a good long laugh about it later - and I think, rather than getting jealous, my husband looked at me with more of that sense of awe, like he had rediscovered me all over again.

So, when I hear that song, I get flooded with wonder. For that one moment in my life, I was THAT girl. And it felt great.

My life is brilliant.My love is pure.I saw an angel.Of that I’m sure.She smiled at me on the subway.She was with another man.But I won’t lose no sleep on that,‘Cause I’ve got a plan.

You’re beautiful. You’re beautiful.You’re beautiful, it’s true.I saw your face in a crowded place,And I don’t know what to do,‘Cause I’ll never be with you.

_—James Blunt, “You’re Beautiful”_

It’s not a great goal, as there’s no obvious point that it’s achieved. But, I find myself stopping in mid-sentence to admire the quality of light in a winter sky, or smiling at a cat sunning himself, or being caught up in tales of adventures in comics.

I think I have a sense of wonder. And that’s rather cool.

This is something that I believe so strongly in, but I have a difficult time voicing exactly what it is. Here’s my best attempt:

• I always want to rush outside after a storm to check for rainbows.

• I never want to stop asking questions about how the world works

• I want to treat each day as a fresh page to write on

• I want to take more of my cues from children and fewer from grown-ups.