become peaceful in life and happy with myself

I’ve been very unhappy and depro lately, for quite a few reasons. I just feel that live is extremely unfair – why do the people that just crush others have a fulfilling and happy life and the rest of us have to suffer and battle through life.

When I was growing up I didn’t want to be rich, I didn’t want smart cars etc. I just wanted to be happy, Is that too much to ask for?!

This is going good,I cut my hair in the beginning of they year as I’ve been having trouble with it. I permed it too much etc. So decided to cut everything off and start from scratch. My hair is now on my jawbone, and luckily for me it grows 2cm per month. So I’m well on my way :)

Wish me luck

So I decided to start a little diary. Not one full of my secrets but one for all my emotions. I cannot keep on holding everything in, making everyone around me myserable with all my depro-ness and moaning. So I started my little Emotional diary on Tuesday, and even after the 1st entry….a poem to start it off with I felt TONS better. I keep on making excuses to write in it. Its like my new best friend.

In this diary I stick to MY rules, If I want to make mistakes I do, if I want to cry and write nonsens. I do….my book doesn’t judge me….doesn’t hate me….won’t stab me in the back. It’s perfect…my little book of emotions ;)

P.s Try it – its fantastic!

How is it that we can’t forgive ourselves, how we hammer ourselves and constantly hate ourselves for things that happened in the past. God has forgiven me for all my sins – so why can’t I forgive myself??
I get so angry you know I really hate my personality and the way I am – why can’t I just NOT GIVE A DAMN like other people on the planet? Why do I always have to complicate my own life so much? :(

1. Allow myself to only be treated well by the people I choose to have friendships and relationships with. If they do not, I need to find the courage to move on without them.
2. Learn to use my past as compost
3. Live without fear
4. Stop stressing so much and put my trust in the Lord
5. Lose weight
6. Grow my hair long
7. Say no everytime I feel like it and not feel guilty
8. Stop Cursing
9. Figure out who I am