be a better person

This is an on ongoing process.

I have changed so much in the last few years to a really manipulative, angry, and not much fun to be around person. I had all these friends from school days on fb that were telling me how much they really liked me and my personality. I hated school and did not remember it that way. I was people pleasing and had become whatever anyone wanted at the time. I eventually got walked on and became angry. This has been a real problem, I have lashed out at people, I have been cynical and the more I read it was all about me!! I am sick of me, I need to really work on being caring and considerate of others for nothing in return but to help people. I have just started this the last 2 days and already feel better. Prayer has helped alot.

I find it hard to get and keep friends. I want to be a better person and not be so lonely.

I have to…if not for anything else in the world…for the lil man who is so ridiculously in love with me. Mommy loves you RiRi, my monkey.

Compile a list of 43 (or so) facts about myself.

1. I have always been a quite, calm person.
2. I made a conscience choice in 3rd grade to speak only the truth (I used to tell great whoppers!)
3. I am ¾ Italian and ¼ Native American Indian – Pima/Gila Valley River Tribe, AZ. My son found this out through DNA testing, quite interesting.
4. I love all kinds of foods. But especially: pizza, vegetables, Mexican food, and the Rock-N-Roll Yummy Roll ;D
5. I drink one Starbucks Mocha Frappachino as my daily sinful indulgence.
6. I love animals, I connect with them. I wanted to be a veterinarian when I grew up.
7. I also wanted to be a Flight Attendant, and think I still do.
8. My friends say I have a claming effect on them.
9. I am a daughter, sister, wife, mother, and all that jazz, and friend to my friends.
10. I work as a Construction Co. Office Manager & Rental Property Manager, and Snow Board Instructor.

11. I taught Sunday School for many, many years.
12. I love to read.
13. I get cranky when I have to drive a crappy car, (Which, thankfully is almost never).
14. I believe staunchly in the “Golden Rule.”
15. I think I’d like to learn to golf.
16. I am too easily hurt by others and what they think of me.
17. I internalize pains and hurts and only share this with others if I know it will make a difference.
18. I value “alone” time.
19. I really like to sleep (if I can sleep well).
20. I have worn my right knee cap, to the point that I now have to learn how to live with bad knees. But I vow to remain active, fit and keep snowboarding.

22. I don’t feel like I’m a very creative, but when I try new things I often surprise myself to my delight.
23. I have always wanted to volunteer with the Peace Corps, and still might.
24. I hate gossip.
25. I like things clean, neat and tidy.
26. I’m not a great cook, but I can hold my own in the kitchen and I can also make one mean lasagna dish.
27. I have fallen in love and been broken hearted.
28. I like small places.
29. I hate to shop for clothes, but like a classy, well put together wardrobe.
30. I can be very timid, but I can act like I’m not.

31. I think I could live very happily without all this material stuff.
32. I would like to travel abroad, volunteer and teach english.
33. I believe there is no such thing as “bad weather.” I love both a beautifully wicked winter snowstorm and the warm and wild summer lightning storm.
34. I am presently at a very conflicting and emotional crossroad in my life. I am in search of the names of these roads, and contemplating which one to take, without burning all my bridges in the process….
35. I used to play the piano, and think I should pick it up again. It both soothes my soul and brings me joy…
36. I am very grateful for the opportunity and blessings of and love living in the mountains of SoCal.
37. I am a silent dreamer…

This is a work in progress….

“You must do the thing you think you cannot do”
Eleanor Roosevelt

Steps to becoming a Better Person.

5. Find my passions. Decide which path I want to take. Redefine, reconnect, and embrace the person I’m becoming. Find my new purpose in life.

1. I love to work with and give to others, so my short term volunteer work will be at the Loma Linda Children’s Hospital.

2. I love to be outdoors, and love snow sports, so I will continue to snowboard, ski and instruct.

3. I will pursue my goal to become a flight attendant, so I must get that resume done and start my application process.

4. I will volunteer 6 months at the Namaste Children’s Home in Pokhara, Nepal, so I must decide on my time frame, get my vaccinations and start my application process. I will not commit to any one organization. First I will familiarize myself with the city and its people. Then I will rove the city in search of the right opportunities both within the city and at the Tibetan Refugee Camps, and I will find my place…

5. I should also volunteer in Costa Rica, if only to learn Spanish, so maybe that will be summer of 2011.

I really really wanna try to stop letting people, especially perfect strangers piss me off. I can’t change the ignorant people around me, so there’s no reason to get upset but I can’t help it sometimes…they’re so annoying.

My problem is, I just don’t care about people, unless it effects me. There’s only one person I can genuinely say I care about, and it makes me feel terrible that I only give a shit about one person in my life. If somebody I knew died, I wouldn’t feel bad for the family. It’s life, get over it.

I need to change my attitude and my outlook on life, then hopefully I’ll become a better person. I hope.

Starting today, I’m going to live my life right. Not right by other people’s standards, like I was trying to do up until now, but by my own. I know what’s best for me and I’m going to do what I can do have everything I want in life.