lay my fears on the table so that they no longer have any power over my life.

that I am going to be stuck in a job that I don’t really want to do because I don’t know how to do anything else, I have to pay bills and can’t afford to work for less and I don’t know what I want to do when I grow up.

... that I am being greedy for thinking that there should be more to life than a stable job that provides you with a roof over your head and enough food to satisfy your hunger.

Things that go bump in the night!

Sleeping in the house on my own scares the crap out of me. Every little noise has me on edge. I can’t get to sleep at all without the TV on (really low volume) because it provides the illusion that I am not on my own and covers the noises outside.

That first impressions last, that people see what I see when I look in the mirror or at photos. That after spending so many years of self loathing and working hard to change how I feel about myself inside, and finally getting to a point that I am honesty quite happy with that, that it doesn’t matter because first impressions last and the me in the mirror looks nothing like who I feel I am.

That plagues me all day, every day. It scares the crap out of me and has done for the last 8 years or so. It’s the fear of being one of those people who dies alone in their house and nobody notices for months on end. They have such little impact on people in the world that there is no-one to notice they are gone.

Going to get started on this before I delete the goal. I am ok at the moment so I think I can get going with this. If I admit the things that plague me when I am down then theoretically (fingers crossed) I have nothing to hide behind next time it happens.

It’s probably a common one too…... not being a good enough person. When you are not good enough you don’t deserve anything or have no right to expect anything, so it makes complete sense that nothing comes your way because you have no right to anything more. After all if you were good enough then things would be vastly different. People would want to know you and take the time, if you were good enough then there would be a spark in your life.

.... This is going to be a tough one because it means I actually have to admit them to myself first. It will be opening up the proverbial can of worms about what controls me deep down. It will be self indulgent at times (probably more often than not). What it isn’t meant to be (though it may come across that way) is a cry for attention, I hope that it is simply a release ready for a new start.