help my daughter to become a healthy, happy, self confident, self reliant adult.

to worry about the lisp.

She’s seven, and missing teeth, for goodness sake!

We’ll deal with that when she’s eight if we have to.

Dec. 11.
(Now I feel a little better about my parenting.)

I feel like such a slacker.

In the past week, we’ve found out that Frogette has a lisp, and scoliosis.

(I felt so stupid that I was the only one who hadn’t noticed Frogette’s lisp- me, a reading specialist!)

Ugh.

The CAT scan was yesterday. I was told that it would be a fifteen minute test, and that I couldn’t go in the room with her. Frogette was NOT happy when I told her that she would have to stay perfectly still that long, and I was damned if I was going to make her go in the room without me. I’d rather take a few years off my lifespan from the radiation than make my child traumatized without me there to comfort her.

Luckily, when we got there, they told me it would be only five minutes, and they didn’t give me much grief about going in the room with her. They gave me an apron, which probably didn’t give me loads of protection, but hell- I’m going to probably have dementia in my old age anyway, so who cares about a little radiation?

Emma was terrified when we walked into the room and saw the size of the machine, but I joked that it looked like a big playground tunnel, and I wanted to climb into it. (The size actually startled me at first as well. It looked like a tank.) She stayed almost perfectly still, with only a minor flinch when the loud whirring started around her head, and was a real trooper.

I took her straight to school after. I worried whether I was being too callous about the experience, expecting her to be fine right afterwards, but she seemed fine going through the school doors with her friends and not even looking back at me. However, she was whiny and clingy when I picked her up that evening- the experience definitely took a toll on her.

Ah, motherhood. Always worrying whether you are doing it right. :)

are the hardest issues there are in parenting.

At her first grade school health screening, the school nurse noticed that Frogette had some trouble with the hearing test. We made an appointment with our pediatrician, who confirmed the hearing issues, as her hearing had been fine at her 6 year checkup, but now was missing the higher frequencies. She thought that it may be due to a few bad ear infections Frogette had had this year, and referred us to an ENT specialist.

The ENT specialist said that Frogette did have middle ear issues, and said that we may need a CAT scan to take a look at her sinuses, as well as allergy testing. We also saw an audiologist who confirmed the middle ear issues, but also informed us that the higher frequency loss was NOT due to middle ear damage. This worries us, because if the hearing loss is due to middle ear damage, it can be reversed. If it isn’t, the hearing loss is much more likely to be permanent- and it might get worse with time as well.

Poor Frogette is tired of all the doctor visits, and there are going to be a lot more in the near future. I wish I could make this all go away.

due to the tantrum she had last night.

She said, (in genuine surprise), “But you didn’t tell me that you were going to take TV away.” For a moment I was actually concerned- wouldn’t it have been more fair to warn her that she was in danger of losing her privileges when she started yelling?

Then I regained my sanity. :)

I really hope that this works. I rarely have to discipline Frogette, because she’s usually so well behaved. But these tantrums, despite my understanding why she’s having them, and despite the infrequency of them, have really got to stop.

is balancing my own needs and wants with my child’s needs and wants.

I have made it a priority to make time to go to my Israeli folk dancing class on Tuesday nights, because Israeli dancing makes me feel joyful. I have even gone to the expense and trouble of hiring a babysitter for the times when my parents aren’t in town and can’t watch Frogette. (Frog is at graduate school on Tuesdays.)This is definitely a priority for me.

Unfortunately, the graduate class that I teach started last Monday night, and that means that on Mondays through the end of March, I won’t see Frogette at all, except for getting her ready to catch the school bus in the morning, which is not exactly enjoyable or quality time. So if I go to my dance class on Tuesday nights, that’s 48 HOURS that I am depriving my six year old of seeing her mother with the exception of a harried morning of dressing, eating, tooth brushing, and hair brushing= not so much fun. I feel like that isn’t fair to her. (Well, the whole situation isn’t fair to her- even not taking into account the dance class, because this working mother/afterschool care crap is for the dogs!)

However, the dance class is certainly making a difficult situation even more difficult. However, I don’t think it’s a good idea to give up something that I love so much, because I think it is very important for a mother to take time out for herself and be a person, too. If you sacrifice too much, you do no good for anyone. I am torn, though, that on two consecutive days, I get home after she’s asleep.

Yuck. This is hard.

My goal is to be a councler and to achieve all the things that my family did not achieve such as graduating high school.I would also like to prove to people that im wourth something and that my life is also worth something. i would also like to build my moms trust back because i relieved that the mistakes ive made didnt just hurt or affect me there affecting my friends and family also. For example because i no longer have my moms trust i cant talk to my wife(my best friends) and it hurts me and i know it hurs her to because me and her would go to each other for every thing and now we cant even talk to each other.

As I write this, I am trying to ignore my baby’s cries. She is miserable because we are enforcing a new rule: we won’t stay with her in her room past 9:00 anymore.

We never Ferberized Frogette, because we knew that it wouldn’t be good for attachment issues after the adoption. As it is, Frogette has had real sleep issues her entire life.

When we first adopted her, she was so thrilled with the constant attention and getting her needs met that she never wanted to be put down. Which suited us just fine, because we were thrilled to have the easy attachment. But she would only sleep when forced by exhaustion, in 15 minute stretches, (possibly because she was afraid we would be gone if she went to sleep, it’s hard to say what a 10 month old thinks…), in our arms.

Well, things have gotten a lot better, with her finally sleeping in her own bed, and only really waking up now once in a night and calling for us, but the going to sleep part is still always tough for her. It makes her very anxious to go to sleep, and she fights it, and has become very adept at doing without. So she never wants to go to sleep, and her bedtime ritual is a long, involved process, with either Frog or I sitting with her as she finally goes to sleep.

The problem is, we never have any time to ourselves at night, because the time between lights out and when she finally falls asleep can be over an hour. So now that she’s getting older, we are putting our foot down, and telling her that after lights out (which is 8:30), we will only stay with her for half an hour, even if she is not asleep by then. We’ve been telling her this for a few days, but luckily, she’s been tired enough the last few nights to fall asleep by the time we are supposed to leave. But tonight, and yes, we knew this day would come, she didn’t fall asleep, and I had to leave her room, and she is angrily crying for the last 20 minutes.

It is taking all of my willpower not to go in there! I hate to ignore her crying. Hate it hate it hate it. But it’s this or spend hours every night waiting for her to fall asleep until she moves out. So I have to do it.

It is so hard. I think we are doing the right thing- she’s not a baby anymore, and we are sitting with her for a fair amount of time, but it is so hard to hold firm to our convictions, even when it’s for her own good.