Improve my position at my job

Captain Awesome has stated that he “does not trust the feel of goal number 6. There is a miasma of roses and decay surrounding it. Perhaps this goal is haunted or a trap set by Captain Awesome’s enemies. He will tread very lightly around this goal and proceed to number 7.”

This goal has become my miasma of roses and decay. Its like squirting perfume on a dogpile and taking a deep whiff. When someone is trying to con me or feed me a line or in someway try to deceive me, one of my typical chef/kitchen responses is “Don’t shit in my soup and tell me its meatballs!” Graphic and crude, I know, but it often has the desired effect, which is to lay bare the feeble attempts of the deceiver.

Now I wonder if I am deceiving myself, or falling into a trap laid by my enemies. I do outstanding work. I am unfailingly reliable, I am profusely complimented for my skills, dedication and abilities to get the job done. I work well with everyone in my company (meatball soup remarks not withstanding). This goal was adopted with two people in mind, and I have come to the conclusion that there is simply no pleasing them. They are so absorbed with their own insecurites, hate, trust issues, honesty issues, character issues, and maturity issues that the very idea of recognizing any of the traits I describe above (which everyone else is my company has shared with me) would be like handing a rosetta stone to a chimp. Since they are my direct supervisors I have felt a need and desire to impress them and make them view me with value. I have come to know that they value nothing but themselves and are not impressed with talent and ambition, only intimidated. And they then seek every means to tear down the people around them. When the leader of your department starts off the weekly meetings with “the dumbest thing I heard someone say this week was”... the goal is not to get better and support the team.

What’s more I find this goal is coming into direct conflict with another of my 43T goals: “Make my life more important than my job”. I don’t mean my career or even my day to day working relationships. I mean I don’t want to spend years being ground under the wheels of a merciless and thankless workplace that compels me to put in 70-80 hours per week (on salary, not hourly, thank you!), makes me hire people I don’t want and fire people I do, seperates me from my wife, friends, family and the opportunities to do the things I want to do (like Dragon.Con).

So, after much soul searching and inspiration from Captain Awesome, I am marking this goal “done”. I believe I have improved my postion at my job, maybe not with the people I was aiming to impress, but I have succeeded. And anyway, do I really want to continue trying to demonstrate loyalty, teamwork, ideas, concepts and support to a pair of people whose only response will be to hinder my improvement?

I smell roses and decay…

Under normal circumstances this would be easy. I come in early, I work hard and smart, I sacrifice and save the company money, I work late and pull double shifts even with little or no notice. Everyone at my job loves me and is happy to see me and excited when they know I am working their events. Except my two immediate supervisors. Maybe they’re not happy with anyone or anything. Maybe it bothers them I don’t buy into their hate the world and everyone in it attitude. Maybe they cannot relate to my need for Goal #31. I often feel like I could do everything right and that would only make it worse for me with them. One openly admits she only remembers the things I do wrong (not an excellent source of motivation, by the way). But I have decided to stop taking their crap and start pushing my own points. I don’t know if this will really improve my position at my job but I don’t think it can hurt it with these two and I won’t spend as much time counting to 10 and walking away.

The first quarter is behind us and things are improving financially for the company. No one is safe, yet. But I am feeling more secure in the position I have. I am finding more ways to be productive, attending more off-site events, and contributing in new areas where no one else is putting forth effort. I still need more support from my bosses, which is lacking. Looking at ways to work around them, or through them.

Hard times abound. People around me are getting laid off left and right. I am doing a super job where I am and getting rave reviews and have the support of my co-workers and other higher ups. I hope it will be enough. If we can get through the next four months I will begin to breath more easily. I am definately better off than I was in my previous position, but not much safer. Fingers crossed this passes me over.