divorce

I am still working through the debris left over from a very contentious divorce.

In this case, the divorce went ‘final’ late last year.

The ruling was appealed because, supposedly, I should have paid my ex-wife more than 70 percent of my unemployment check in support each month (declines after a few years but the payments are for for life) and more than 105 percent (no that is not a misprint) of the total marital estate.

The appeals process ended in the middle of this year with the result that I do not owe more than the original ruling.

All well and fine.

As of today, my former wife has yet to sell the marital home I was ordered out of with the result that the foreclosure is on my credit.

To add insult to injury, because the loan is still unpaid, the bank drew down my accounts to zero in an attempt to get their funds, and after they got to zero, I am charged $14 a month per account for inactivity. I cannot close the accounts because there is an unsettled mortgage.

Too bad divorce orders are not enforceable in any other civil court.

The answer?

I am told (by the bank) to pay the late fees and settle the mortgage in full as the court order has no bearing.

If I sell the house, I go to jail for violation of the court order of divorce.

When an ex-wife violates a court order…

well…

The judge said it very well…

Women have a hard time after a divorce, and you need to make allowances.

Thanks!

The good thing about a divorce is that, akin to hitting yourself with a hammer, it feels so good to be through.

The bad thing is, all it takes to bring everything back in a death spiral of horror is a court filing.

Even a Final Ruling is not always truly final.

The things you thought were over and done can be brought back, Lazarus like, with a mere slip of paper headed by Motion to…

You’d think it was a dance.

Motion to the left.

Motion to the right.

But these are Motions to compel.

Motions to Appeal.

All candy coated words that mask the true intent.

Judge… Please force the other to do what I want and not what they did or what you told them to do…

And the return salvos…

Judge… Please make them cease and punish them for asking for my head

And the counter salvos…

Judge Please ignore the other sides views and punish them for asking that I be punished for asking what I requested you reconsider…

It gets to the point that you lose track of what everyone said if enough time passes.

No matter.

Hundreds of pages of transcript can be yours for a price.

What price peace?

Peace is Priceless.

sad that this is actually a goal now.

For Ian to agree to a quick divorce & agree to give me half his pension as part of the divorce. For the divorce to be fiunal by dec 2009.

“In order to arrive at what you are not
You must go through the way in which you are not.
And what you do not know is the only thing you know
And what you own is what you do not own
And where you are is where you are not.”
TS Eliot

Change can be scary. But not changing is terrifying. When it is the right thing to do, the choice is easy. But sometimes the choice is not as clear and that is when things are most painful. I was fortunate in the my ex and I both adopted a baseline of “first do no harm”, thus preserving our financial and mental health. I understand from others that that is a rare circumstance.

This journey has been one of years. the cost was high in dollars, it was high in stress, it was high in stakes.

I have made it to the other side, changed. much more appreciative of the value of friends and loved ones…

without a rib, this vessel would have been doomed.

so now, like the seasons, it is time to look forward to change…

and with it the chance to manifest what should have been true of a marriage and never was..

the ultimate act of faith is to love despite the horror of relations gone terribly awry in the past..

it is also the promise of the rainbow G_d granted Noah..

human i was.. human I am.. and human I will remain.

but it is through love you touch the face of the divine.. and it is in the perversion of love or its absence wherin hell stalks the waking dreams of mortal man.

There is often cause for pause during a protracted legal battle.

I have commented before regarding the race to the bottom wherein the remaining assets get frittered away in a maelstrom of legal wrangling to the benefit of nobody save the Admitted Members of the Bar.

But now that we have reached the bottom, the next move defies belief.

lets go to court to slap a lien against the assets that are gone and ask for jail time because the assets are gone when the court ordered all assets to be preserved and all new assets be divided pretax in half while showing cause why assets are going down when expenses go up, willfully paying bills is apparently a cause for action, even when the court was the one that ordered the bills be paid…

You cannot have it both ways…

Either assets are preserved.

Or assets are transfered.

If they are transferred there is NOTHING LEFT to preserve…

Meanwhile more legal fees.

_{No end in sight}

One of the issues you encounter in a protracted legal endeavor is posturing.

This is where each side gets to say I have something AWFUL against the OTHER side…

This is a game best played as the SECOND act.

The game gets entertaining when the first side threatens mayhem on a supposition…

Which you then respond to cubed with FACTS.

At the last the game never seems to end.

Because the simple fact is…

This is NOT a game

_{the pin was pulled a long time ago}

Is something that I had half expected.

It was something anticipated.

What I did not anticipate was how long…

The next round of court dates has came and gone. Most ignored or bypassed for various reasons.

The next date will be over a month hence….

And the clock continues to wind…

The legal bills continue to spiral…

and the alleged end game is reduced to a race to the bottom of a soon to be empty well…

Had this not involved someone near and dear to me… I would not have done anything except laugh and bring more popcorn.

As it was, there were other cases that delayed the start of what had been originally ordered as an exclusive event.

Then a series of objections to source documents as all parties who signed thenm were not present to swear that their signature appeared…

Then the kicker…

The judge had personal business that required he leave after 40 minutes.

So months after a special date was established, and minutes into that date, yet another delay…

you got it…

continuance

I am really starting to hate this word.

The judge appologized to the attorneys for requiring their presence and then sending them away.

What is missing here is the understanding of the following…

the lawyers are paid by the clients

any delays and theatrics cost the court nothing.

it is the clients who must pay this price too

and the personal business, while appreciated, is what this is all about anyway…

justice delayed, is justice denied….