be more joyful

1. I am grateful for my warm hat
2. I am grateful for the electricity to heat my hot water bottle
3. I am grateful for the realisation while i’m still young enough to do something about it, that preparation is key to carpe diem.
I think i forgot ‘how’ to prepare, I used to be the really organised one in the family and i think i kind of forgot to care that much about myself, it does require effort, which before was natural and unthinking, but after a difficult failure, I didn’t think i deserved to care, to put in the effort because somewhere inside I didn’t believe i deserved to succeed, so I allowed failure in. Preparation, organisation has been child’s play for me really, the trouble has been allowing myself the self-acceptance to care for myself again….it’s still a work in progress.

I think I am going to start by keeping a whiteboard or journal handy around the house and whenever I’m feeling discontent or sad I’ll try to write down as many things that I can think of that I’m thankful for. Then I can keep looking at that list and will see how blessed I am and will hopefully not be so sad and will be more joyful and content. I think the key to being more joyful is being more thankful even for the little things. If I can get in the habit of thanking God for all He’s given me maybe I won’t be so emotionally swayed by my circumstances. It’s worth a try!

The past several months have been kinda brutal. Even my body feels bad; waking up to tight muscles, like I’d been trounced in a fight the previous day. I don’t look glowing and happy, I look gray. I have more coping skills than I’ve ever had, so I need to brush off the rusty ones and put them all into action, stat.

The “I’ll eat rocks and razors” attitude may be great for getting me to class and work on time, but it’s not exactly the tip for keeping me in a positive mood. I think I can afford to expand my frame of view a little now that things are slightly calmer and the weather’s nicer.

temp. update: a sub-goal for the next 2 weeks is not completely imploding. I am doing pretty well, practically speaking, but I’m getting that stupid deja-vu-of-everything-awful feeling. [Finalz.]