Stay single for a year

The guy I that I thought might change this goal turned out to be a jerk. Suprise.

Aside from Valentine’s day sucking a little being single is actually starting to feel good. And if it doesn’t always feel good to be single it at least feels natural and normal for me.

It sure feels like it’s been a year. 264 days to go.

It turns out, I’ve actually been single for almost two and a half years. Who knew that would happen.

This awesome guy who I’ve been crushing on for a good five months actually wants to hang out with me. He’s great so far, but I feel like I am totally betraying this goal. We’ve only hung out once, but it seems like he is going to keep asking me out. We’re going to lunch tomorrow. After that he’s going home for a few weeks, so I’ll get to think about this more. So far though, he’s meeting most all of the standards I created after I dumped my ex.

Ahhhhh. I think I was just built for companionship. Or at least my parents screwed me up enough so that I think that. Oh well, I will just see where this goes.

46 days…

I keep finding myself daydreaming about getting a new boyfriend just to help me get over my ex. I know if I did this, I would ultimately just be perpetuating the cycle. My most recent relationshit was a band-aid for my ex before him, so I’m ultimately screwing myself over.

Despite knowing this, I still want to fall in love with someone. I’m human! Someday. This stage of my life is about ME, so I will keep on (celibately) truckin’.

I adore the book Eat Pray Love because I identify with so much the author has gone through. Her writing perfectly captures every emotion I have gone through in my past relationships. A very insightful book. My favorite quotes are these (They explain SO much about me, and why I need to be single for a while.):

“So BE lonely. Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. But never again use another person’s body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings.”

“I dissapear into the person I love…If I love you, you can have everything. You can have my time, my devotion, my ass, my money, my dog, my dog’s money, my dog’s time—everything. If I love you, I will carry for you all of your pain, I will assume for you all of your debts, I will protect you from your own insecurity, I will project upon you all sorts of good qualities that you never actually cultivated in yourself…I will give you all this and more, until I become until I get so exhausted and depleted that the only way I can recover my energy is by becoming infatuated with someone else.”

All of this is just way to much responsibility for me to take on. I wouldn’t want someone to do all of this for ME, so maybe that’s why my last relationship went downhill. I gave him everything, demanded nothing, and got nothing.

I honestly do not want a relationship now, but I would still like to feel attractive. Go on a date perhaps. Just get asked on a date really. I could decline but still be happy someone asked. Eh. At least I have my quotes and girl power iPod playlist to get me through the next ten and a half months.

36 days so far!

24 Days! I’m on a roll.

I actually finished this a while ago, sometime in September. It was definitely worth it. Although it did cause a little drama (of course, it’s high school), it gave me a chance to have fun instead of worrying about a relationship. :)