Have a baby

I would love to have a baby even though i know the time isnt right…but i just cant stop thinking about it..

and I’m talking years this time. Husband decided to leave me recently because he decided his job was more important to him than our marriage. I’m fine though. I just need to put my life together and someday a guy will come into my life that will be worth making babies with.

After the wedding, we stopped using protection…

And now my period is 3 days late. Crossing our fingers!

I nearly cried in the practice, and I sobbed afterwards, I was so overwhelmed. You could see and hear his heart beating fast, and he also moved and swam around. It was amazing.

I know I am pregnant. I’ve done tests. I have some of the most obvious symptoms (but no morning sickness, knock on wood!). But seeing and hearing him is believing. So he is really there. Inside me. And moving around without me feeling it. So bizarre!

This is for Star Trek nerds only: In the TNG movie “First Contact”, Picard touches the Phoenix and explains to a surprised Data that it’s more real to him because he can feel it. It’s a little bit like that.

i posted this website a long time ago:

http://www.holodeck.com/pregnancy/chinese-cal.html

its an ancient chinese method of learning the sex of the baby based on your age and month you conceived.

we’ve got a bunch of new babies and pregnant ladies here on 43 things and i’d like some feedback to see if the chinese holodeck has been right or wrong for you!

its right for me!!

We are trying to get knocked up. It is fun and exhausting!
I am a little freaked out because what if I can’t get pregnant?
Oh well. Can’t worry about that yet.

people in long, successful marriages have said that they love their spouses more now than they did when they first got married. its a thought i could somewhat wrap my head around but knew i wouldn’t entirely be able to FEEL the knowledge of this till i started experiencing it. being pregnant and sharing the growth of my son and my own personal woes of pregnancy with my husband has brought us to a level of closeness that i knew existed but didn’t know if i’d attain it or when. his love and care for me and the baby has been unconditional, unwavering, steadfast, and potent. love grows stronger as we share experiences, both good and bad, over the years. but i can really feel it now. i do in fact love my husband more now than the day i married him. there were a few hesitant people in my life who didn’t want me to make the leap of marriage. mostly because i was young and, well, a select amount of people in my family are racist (which boggles my mind because much of my family isn’t white to begin with!) and suffer the idealisms of mainstream america. no, i wasn’t marrying a rich white catholic doctor at the age of 35 with me having a set and successful career already in place. but i made the leap with much faith and hope and aspirations of the future. i saw my husband as a partner in crime. and it wasn’t so much marrying him based entirely on the amount of love i had for him at the time, but i prayed and had mounds of faith that we could grow together and make it and we’d be able to support the people we are, and more importantly, the people we want to be.

awww, teehee, i just feel all sappy right now. perhaps its the hormones or the fact that my husband came to my rescue yesterday cuz i was really sick. but its made me think a lot recently on just how much we’ve grown. its so funny how intense and overwhelming love can feel in the beginning, how obsessive we can be as teenagers and what not, and yet, as intense as those feelings are, the love grown in marriage becomes so much more. and the obsessiveness goes away kind of, so it allows us to breathe in our love so much better. understand it, and use it for good. instead of feeding off of it like hungry and excited teenagers. hahaha! i’m glad its worked out like this, it will be good for the baby.

Due October 21. It’s a girl :)

i was really pumped about this idea today. thinking of all the interesting ways i could inform dennis that i was prego, when i become prego. then i thought to myself, i should probably wait for the ok from the CNM after my abnormal pap re-check, aye? damned cervix!!

I’ve been ttc for 3 long years now with no luck whatsoever. I have PCOS and have been taking ovulation tests for the last 5 months, and I’m not ovulating at all!!! So back to the Dr. I must go after we get some of my other medical bills payed off (I have a bad gallbladder).