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taking it back 9 hours ago

Ok so today and tomorrow at least I’m going to forget about all the nasty things I’ve ever had about insurance companies and working in the rat race to concentrate on giving the best impression I can of a good corporate slave worker for my job interview tomorrow!

According to the bank’s “why you want to work for us” literature, I should be a good fit And who knows I might be able to wing it for long enough to get myself out of the rather deep financial hole I’m in – assuming they want me – which of course they do, they just don’t know it yet ;)

To do now – find tights without holes, and try on a bazillion different options for what to wear tomorrow; fill out the bazillion forms they sent me, and practice my competency based interview questions and being confident.

Also banish with laughter any thoughts of being uncomfortable wearing a skirt in public since I don’t think I have anything else suitable.

I’m a bit nervous.



aagh! 1 week ago

Ok I really resisted doing this one, finaly booked my car in to get looked at, serviced and mot’d and arranged recovery. I wasn’t sure why I was resisting it until now. Anyway I just went out to confirm it wasn’t starting again – it still sounds sick. Ok recovery is going to cost my #50, another #50 just to look at it and 100 for the garage’s service & mot offer – as far as I’m concerned thats 200 pounds before it’s even fixed, shit and the recovery charge is in cash which I only have little of, hmm. hope they can sort it out without it costing a bomb. otoh I really need it running before the bank realises I’m insolvent and reposesses my house! ah it’s probably not really so bad yet, but I must avoid shoe shops in the mean time, except for those shoes and boots I really need, like the shoes I saw today which almost fit me, unfortunatly Gertie was with me and forbade me from buying them.

So my reluctance was due to financial avoidance. Must get-a-job soon!



aha! 3 weeks ago

GTD for the rest of us!

How To Set Goals That Don’t Paralyze You

  1. Get a handle on all your current obligations.
  2. Get a handle on all your goals.
  3. Begin optimising your obligations.
  4. Optimise your goals.
  5. Keep yourself working on steps 1-4.

Dave say’s it’s not a sexy strategy. But I disagree, rather it’s quite elegant.



refining list usage 3 weeks ago

Alright, I admit it – a list of stuff to do unnerves me at the most basic level. I get that it’s useful to organise plans, especially when it’s difficult to remember everything, but the main problem seems to be that having gotten it out there, I’m resisting re-internalising it and just getting on with it!

Yesterday, I tried – I really did. The only thing it succeeded with was in getting me to go to bed early, like at 4 in the afternoon!

Today I tried a different tack – prioritising! Having made a mark on the items most urgent/important I set to work, that is after I finished the things from Monday, collecting my meds, getting stamps to post something.

Well I managed three phone calls, I’ve got two apointments made, and I need to call my solicitor up again tomorrow morning. I don’t know why I find it so hard to make these calls – I know I could have gone through that entire list on monday, and I feel stupid for having to say to myself, just one thing every day.

So anyway, still need to get the car sorted, it’s not going to be urgent until next week but having got the rest of the list underway I guess I can focus my amazing powers of concentration and commitment to calling up the garage I’ve already identified as possibly able to help me and have my car available again in a week or two. (practicing optimistic thinking as well!)

Not sure if irony is the right word for this, but I had a good chat with my Personal Development Adviser, was uber-confident using my new name with him, they are going to help me with the job application form and send it in for me, which is for a job where the using the phone is so integral they have headsets.

I’ll probably need another list next week, but it can wait until Monday!



ok, so sometimes making a list helps 4 weeks ago

Did these things from my list today:

  • Doctor
  • Mortgage

Scary phone calls and forms heh!

Been filling out a job application form also. I’m going to draft out the hard part tonight, and finish it tomorrow, I need to phone up the Shaw Trust people for advice on some of it, like what to put for number of periods of absence since I’ve been sick all year. Also they should have called me about my cv and when I can go into the office by now. This is a bit tricky ‘cos they have my new name but also my old one. I really want to get things moving here because if I can get an interview somewhere before they reject my appeal I can get a grant towards interview clothing.

So tomorrow I’ll see how much of this list I can get done:

  • Job app
  • Car
  • Find a Notary
  • Make a laser appt. – not sure how many of these I can afford, but while I’ve got the credit…

My stupid car now has two flat tires, no exhaust pipe and refuses to start, I just paid an extra fifty quid to get it insured for another year and it’s mot is due. More phone calls.

  • Post

erm, I always seem to forget this one.



meta-dynamics of zonal parameters 2 months ago

So, I’ve been thinking about this problem I have, which basically amounts to letting my mind wander when I should be focusing one Just One Thing. Quite frankly, lists don’t work for me in that way, I do find them handy for organising my thoughts but if it’s something to be done, well there’s the next thing, and the thing after that, and is this the best order to do things in, and what is missing, and what in the end is the result and do I really want that anyway.

No! I say. This is a good tool for making a sequence of instructions and I’m pretty good at that, once I’ve figured out what needs to be done, I guess. And, no, it’s not like a computer program that I can run over and over until I get it working right, I mean I have one shot at it.

“Make a list!” my old boss used to say, how could I – I was the embodiment of that list . it wasn’t ever the lack of a list that was the problem, it was the constant interruptions and interruptions of interruptions that was always the real problem, even when I was teaching the list. No exception handling capability, no comprehension of the need for triage… (first of the first digression)

Well that’s the first digression, on to the second. See I’ve figured this out. I am gonna beat this, one baby step at a time. See, baby steps are not itemisable. They are by necessity experimental, testing, sometimes furtive or imperceptible, sometimes immodestly bold. Baby steps and semi-random walk. Maybe they have not always taken me where I expected to go, but they always took me someplace different.

And flow. There is a lot to be said about flow, and being in the groove, the Zone, but this is a digression from the second diversion and if I can stay in this little bit of not quite fully formed one to break the Zone barrier I might just get back onto track and in the groove I started out on.

This is how I make my lists. And you might wonder that they ever become with all this turbulance going on, but they do, they form a shape and the shape guides me right into the meta zone, but that’s not where I need to be! I need to be in the Zone! In the Zone there is Just One Thing. What you are doing is all there is, there is no list, no concept of the zone, because when you are the flow, everything moves, all is as one, here and now. No time no pressure just the moment.

I think I might be on a fatal diversion now, but there’s just one thing. The one is two. The Moment and the Vector. Now I could start of with the meta zone zone navigator in the absence of a well-rehearsed plan, but that would be besides the point up there in the meta-zone. When of course the point is: I’ve got to get something done.

Right here, right now, Zone focused. A monte-carlo waltz through the shape of the moment to test and probe and find the form of the singularity, to embody the point.

And not miss it completely.



don't think too much... just DO it, NOW! 14 months ago

It feels better to get it out of the way. Do it now! Not later, not tomorrow, NOW.



why do it later... 21 months ago

...when I can do it now and feel great about it?!




 

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