Be nicer to my mum

I bought my mum a jasmine/honey shower gel while I was out shopping today. I’m excited to see her reaction when she finds it in her room.

We’ve been spending a lot of time together lately – shopping, going out for meals, talking over coffee, driving, going to pretty places around the island, and even trying out a Taoist exercise class. I need to learn not to take my temper out on her and be a lot nicer to her when she’s feeling tired or sad. I can be pretty selfish like that, inconsiderate of others’ feelings and unwilling to let them confide in me, especially when it’s someone so close to me. Yet, that’s the person who should be able to rely on me. So I’m trying – I have three weeks left to at least get this right.

Gifts are nice but helping out is more thoughtful and useful. She’d had a long day – work, a meeting, having to rush in and out of the house, cooking – so I cleaned up the kitchen while she was taking a nap, washing and drying the stack of dishes and wiping the surfaces. When she woke up, she was pleasantly surprised to see that she could still relax a little.

I’ve been doing little things that actually make her day better and I’m trying to make these regular daily habits:

• Clean up in the kitchen (put away the food, wash the dishes) after dinner so she doesn’t have to do it
• Type up the presentations she’s prepared for work since I have so much free time
• Do the grocery shopping / put it away
• Leave notes wishing her a good day / with quotes she’ll like / surprise her with occasional gifts

For the last two years, I’ve faced some pretty serious problems at home, and our family’s only been getting weaker with time. It’s taken a toll on all of us, and also on our relationships with each other. I’ve made a vow not to let this difficult situation ruin my relationships with my mum and brother, even though it could easily happen since we’re all so unhappy. I decided that this summer, I would spend more time with my brother to strengthen our relationship (hence the goal dedicated to him) and be nicer to my mum, who is even more of a victim in this than I am, and who doesn’t deserve my misdirected anger in addition to all the pressure she’s already under.

• Stopped shouting at her
• Resisted the urge to take my temper out on her
• Bitten my tongue to stop insults that she would have had to take for another person
• Told her I was sorry
• Told her that I love her
• Told her that I know it’s not her fault and that I’m sorry that I act as if I blame her
• Told her that I know she’s doing what she feels is best for all of us
• Admitted my faults and incapacity to handle this situation
• Told her how much I hate the person responsible and blame him – NOT her
• Thanked her for being there

things have been super great!!!

Well, sometimes I behave like a complete asshole to her, screaming profanities at her etc..etc… sometimes deservedly, most of the time not.

I really do not want to be a typical angsty teenager, my mum really doesn’t deserve shit from me, and even if she acts bitchy sometimes, I really have no right to be downright mean to her. & I think I need to understand and acknowledge that even though she may sometimes say mean things like “you’re gaining weight”, “what’s happening with your skin?” etc… She’s doing it for my own benefit – as they say, “you gotta be cruel to be kind”.

So, anyways, these past few days have been pretty rad with her and me, and that’s good. But I still think she prefers my brother and sister to me, and I think that’s a feeling that’ll never go – and is probably the basis of why I resent my mother so much.

this is going well im going to mark this as done. all i need to do now is control my moods because that is why we always argue.