always be true to myself

This is the stupidest thing ever. My manager asked my opinion on price increases for sandwiches when she had already changed them. And when she told me the price increase was to pay 4 pounds for a sandwich I said that its scandalous and there is no way I would pay that for a sandwich and I dont thik anyone else would either, and she absolutely blew her lid off. She was giving me a dirty look and saying what you on about, thats scandalous? It isn’t and trying to make me look stupid and I said whatever, I wouldnt buy that without my discount so just wait and see your profit will go down. She was furious, I was like just chill out. I’m entitled to my opinion. She just always has to be right, she thinks. x x x

it’s amazing when you stick to your guns, how your life improves.

My love life with my dashing lad is really based on this and things are going great. My home life is better since the big D because I force myself to focus on my needs instead of everyone elses.

I’ve had to shift priorities, and that has made for some blips with my mom and sister, but I’m hoping that they eventually come around. I’m not perfect and can’t satisfy everyone all the time, but at this point I’m okay with that.

It’s actually odd to write this all down, it felt so acceptable to take on 100x more responsibility and never say “No, I can’t do that” and not look at my own needs.

But, now I think I have a much healthier perspective that is working for me and my wee family.

So I’ve been blocked by RNF, I thought it was a mistake at first, then I thought I had upset him when I came to the defense of another 43Ter in a post.

He told me that he didn’t want to “hurt my feelings”, but he doesn’t like me because I’m too “sexual” in my posts. Prior to this he NEVER told me he was offended, or that I had crossed ANY lines.

So I apologized, told him my side of the story.

The very next day he posts 4 mean and harassing things on my posts criticizing my integrity, my faith, my jokes, my judgement, my dating life, etc.

So I respond to 3 of them ^{(I somehow missed the 4th, but I would have responded had I seen it earlier)}.

Well, he responded angrily and then immediatley blocked me again.

Yesterday he rambles on about how:
~ he has “psychic abilities”
~ “last night I was deeply focusing on a person who will remain nameless, and it was so dark and sad, and painful, and I could really feel intensely some of feelings that I have no doubt at all that this person has the anguish, the grief, the anger, the need for approval, the feeling of a loack of unconditional love…”
~ “I don’t forsee much hope at the moment”
~ “I know there is nothing I can do for her”
~ “I feel sorry for her, she needs to find some better things for herself in life”
~ “I fear that she would want more than I could give, and when that need wasn’t met, it would just be too depressing for her, and that she could really be nasty to me”
~ “I don’t think she understands how I’m actually doing her a favor by avoiding her.”

WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Who gave the Pen of God to RNF and Why on Earth is he attacking me?

The ONLY reason I realized I was blocked was when I went to post a “thinking and praying for your mom” for his sick mother. I have no idea of how long I was blocked, I was just trying to get along with everyone.

I would have kept that goal had he not slammed my character repeatidly, blocked me again amd then talk about me in his threads on how he’s “trying to help me”. What a flipping backhanded compliment. How nice of him to try to make himself the hero in this crazy tale!

He has yet to explain what I’ve really done to annoy him, and if the above post was meant to… Well, all it meant to me is he needs to check himself into someplace that can offer heavy medication, because I don’t think reality can reach him.

But, I am looking to be lead a more authentic me life.

This past trip home I was much more of who I am in real life, which surprised them, but also brought out the disdain. I’m sorry, I don’t care anymore and am not looking for their approval…

I am the quiet type
Speak less observe more
I like to write but choose not to
To read my thoughts is a violation
Say it, write it, picture it
Express it or be mute
Otherwise how will they know.

!

Hmmm, this a kind of conflict cos I no hu I am and wot I want but if other people dont realise that theres nuthin i can do. Just av to live with it nd be my own person, wont let anyone get me down anymore.

i have never done anything but follow my heart…always.

do it & you won’t ever regret your life.

If you ain’t True to yourself you ain’t True to no body.

well… only time will tell how true I am being to myself – but at least I am just letting everything flop out. I’m finding it easier to engage from my feelings rather than from my head. I hope that my feelings are for real – I want to be so true always. I can’t bear the thought of being any other way – not after the life I’ve had up to now.