run away to California

I don’t see the point in buying into the perfunctory system of attending college…wasting time in my rural/burb setting…and settling when I feel I will only reach true contentedness when I’m acting and emersed in a metropolis (I do well in that setting). I’v done mildly impulsive things before and would LOVE to make a move out to LA, Willmington, or NYC after I’m 18, attend auditions, and go from there.

I want to live where it’s warm, everyone’s a freak and weirdo. I need to get out of the dark. Out of the cold. Into the sun.

So yea…im only 13. I don’t care…every since i was little i’ve always wanted to run away to california. Even though i wouldn’t be able 2 get into clubs and stuff at this age…it still seems so fun. I feel like im missing out on life. My parents lived there for about 20 years, and they are devorced now, but i was suppose to be born there. They decided to move down here when my mom was a few months pregnant with me…what a drag. I would of loved life soo much more. Right now my dad’s family lives out there and are willing to buy me a ticket, but of course my mom doesn’t think its safe. I went out there in 5th grade but didn’t really get to explore. I wanna go back soo bad but mom wont budge. uhhh….i feel like im really missing out on life! the night life sees soo freaking fun! i wanna run away but thats not possible for different reasons.

I am 16 years old and feel like I’m being dragged down by the people around me in New Jersey, the weather is always bad, the cities are crappy and old looking, not many jobs, not so good beaches, and just straight up no money, but then of course I don’t want to be marked as a runway so I’ll jut wait till I’m 18, then I can sign in to a job, and look for acting or just live life as you wouldn’t in the east coast.

I feel like it’s calling me last time i was there i was like 6 years old! and for like a week. I haven’t the slightest memory of it! But I have this force inside me that’s just telling me to go!! I’m married, i go to school and work! but my mind is always in Cali…. thinking about dropping everything and just going…. but how? how does someone just drop their life and go on a whim? I admire those who can do so!

This still rings true:

“Made up my mind to make a new start,
Going to california with an aching in my heart.
Someone told me theres a girl out there
With love in her eyes and flowers in her hair.”
-Led Zeppelin

and I know one more 43T lady who lives there ;)

just a few weeks there oughta do me good.

There are days when all I can do to stop myself from jumping out my window is know that tomorrow could be better. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not depressed. No, I’m just so tied down. I’m stuck in norm of being a white, middle-class, 19 year old woman attending a private college on the East Coast.

I have dreams, so many dreams, of running away to California. “They say California is a recipe for a black hole/and i say i’ve got my best shoes on/i’m ready to go (ready to go)” (Rilo Kiley). I almost feel a tug to go there.

Some day, when people least expect it, I’ll buy a ticket and go to San Francisco; meet a couple of penpals, find a cheap motel, live an unpredictable life. That’s what I want… something unpredictable.