Post the funny things my friends say!

Rach – Rab, what’s that on your shoelace?
Rab – Blood
Rach – Eaw why?!
Rab – I was fighting
Rach – Put them in the pocket of your jeans when you wash them
Rab – Why?
Rach – So the machine doesn’t eat them
Johanna – How big do you think his pockets are?!?

(She thought I meant to put his shoes in his pockets. Hilarity aplenty)

Johanna -Gumption!? Isn’t that a disease!?
Me – No…?
Johanna – Yes it is! Like, TB
Me – That’s consumption sweetie

Thomas-”You grind your teeth in your sleep! It’s really annoying! You should get a mouth guard!”
Rachel-”That would be deeply unnatractive!”
Thomas – “Yeah but it would mean that I could punch you in the face to wake you up and make you stop!!”

but it’s too funny not to share! Happy Birthday Pet!!

Describing why a huge plastic paintbrush makes her feel angry
“it’s like that time i ate polystyrene, because I thought they looked like wotsits, but they didn’t taste like wotsits, and when I told my mum, she asked me if i was on drugs!!”

Me- Can I have an icepole?! A Red one! No, a blue one!!
Mum- You’ll be up all night!
Me- I’m nineteen!
Mum- Yes, but you’re mental!

On the topic of weight loss drug Alli
“It makes you shit poo out of your bottom!”

Singing along to the Beastie Boys ‘Intergalactic Planetary’
(The lyric is “Another Dimension, Another Dimesnsion, Another Dimension “)

“I have an erection, I have an erection, I have an erection”

touching my face
“If I was blind, you’d still be pretty!”

Rach- Hey, your £20 note is the same as mine!
Sarah- Does yours have that woman on it too? You know, the Queen?