strive to eat in a way that honours my body

because in the last few days I’ve eaten too much junk – pizza, diet coke and chocolate/sugar… I feel like a zombie. I’m so tired I’m about to collapse. My head aches and I feel like I have a hangover. My mind is not very clear. This is awful. I blame PMT.
I’m so good most of the time. About 3 weeks out of every 4, I eat almost nothing bad. Lately I’ve been on a candida diet so I’ve been a real saint and I felt good about it. Maybe that’s why I react so strongly to all the junk as well.
Anyway, feeling like this got me thinking about this goal. I feel that every time I have one of this few day binges, I feel worse than I did the last time and every time it’s a little easier to avoid all the bad stuff because even the thought of it makes me sick. And, most of the time I feel so great, I feel healthy and full of energy so why would I want to make myself feel sick?

I’m going to really focus on this goal for the next few months because I feel I’m very close to reaching the stage where I won’t even miss the bad stuff, chocolate, pizza etc… I’m completely gone off it and I prefer the healthier alternatives.

So yesterday I went to have a massage again. I’ve found the most amazing massage therapist who is also a TCM practitioner, nutritionist and just a really fabulous, knowledgeable person. She totally fixed my sciatica with some electro acupuncture, which was amazing! I chat to her about other stuff too and she’s helped me balance my yin and yang (I’m all yang, not much yin, tis the source of all my problems, says she).
Yesterday I mentioned to her how I’ve been trying to lose weight for 4 weeks, counted calories in and out and I should’ve lost at least 4 pounds but have gained 1. I have no other thyroid symptoms, so I don’t think it’s that. I’ve been tired, but I’m out and about a lot, so that’s no wonder.
She asked me how many calories I eat a day, I told her around 1,500 to which she said that’s a little low with all my exercise, so maybe I should eat 200 more. OK, fair enough, I thought, I’m happy to try that, though I thought 1,500 is plenty, considering that I’m not huge and my thyroid is dodgy so I need less.
When I came back home, I went to look at my calorie deficit excel sheet ;) and I was quite shocked to find that most days, I don’t eat anywhere near 1,500 calories! In fact, most days I eat very little, though some days I’ve gone up to 1,800 or so. I’m shocked because I know for a fact that if I don’t eat enough, I put on weight, so I need to eat an absolute minimum of 1,200 calories and then some extra if I exercise. I know this from experience. Also, part of the reason I count calories is to make sure I eat enough. There are days when I’ve eaten around 800 calories and burnt 400.
I cannot believe that I’ve written these figures down and not realised it! I’m quite shocked. My mind is playing some crazy tricks on me.
I felt a little upset last night and strangely, I felt a bit anxious about having to eat more. It would be easy to make up the calories if I started eating junk, but I don’t want to do that, so it means I need to start eating loads more and it just feels weird, eating large quantities.

It’s ironic that this happens now because recently a friend of mine just opened up to me about her eating issues – which are the opposite of mine, she cannot stop eating and it’s definitely a psychological issue, so I’ve been helping her to find some info online about support etc and also to come up with strategies to make small changes. We now joke that we have to meet in the middle :).
Also, there was an interesting programme on the BBC the other night about diets and science. There was a very obese woman who thought she was the way she was because she had a slow metabolism. When they tested her, there was nothing wrong with her, so they did some test and monitored her and she also had to record everything she ate. She recorded 1,300 calories, but in reality she at 3,000 every day because she forgot half of what she ate! I mean, she genuinely forgot, somehow her mind made her block out the cakes and crisps and only remembered the healthy things! I thought that was just mad, but now I’m starting to think that you mind can play crazy tricks on you when it wants to.
I think in my case, though I know that I need to eat more to lose weight, still somewhere deep inside I think the less I eat the more weight I lose and that teeny part of my mind or brain or whatever is very powerful when it wants to.

So, today I upped my calorie target on WLR for basic of 1,600 + exercise. Today I’ve eaten 752 so far and I’m stuffed. I’ve burnt 300 and am going to burn another 300-ish later so I have to eat another 1,400!!! Yikes. WOuld be easy with a bag of minstrels and some crisps, but I don’t want to do that, that wouldn’t be any better, and I’ve been eating so well the last 4 weeks that I really don’t want to start eating badly now.

really challenging the way I think about food. He’s one of those totally no-nonsense, there’s-no-way-I’d-put-something-that-consists-solely-of-crap-in-my-body types. Not that he’s a health freak by any means, but he’s not hung up on food at all and doesn’t see treaty-food as a “treat” the way I do. I eat a lot less when I’m with him, although I have to admit I sneak off on my own for chocolate behind his back sometimes!!

He’s always said I am free to eat what I like, but I don’t like his disapproval and he’s very vocal about it – he has no problem with me ignoring what he says but I can’t stop him from saying it! And it’s frustrating to know that he is so right, there is no poritive argument I can make for chocolate and ice-cream and chips besides “I need it to make me feel better” which is just so lame. I guess he represents, in an unavoidable way, that logical side of my mind that knows it doesn’t make sense to be eating crap, that voice I’ve been trying to suppress. It sure seems weird to be living with someone so strict after being soft on myself for so long but to be fair it is probably just the kind of intervention I need. If I could take on his attitudes towards food we would both be a lot happier and I would be a lot healthier, and although I do feel a bit of attitude-jetlag, I know I am warming to the idea gradually. This is one way I really do want to let him influence me but man! I have some serious resistance to overcome!!

This was a lot easier than I thought! The hard part was First Lunch when I was proper hungry and craving carbs, I settled for a posh minimalist salad and a latte and it wasn’t too bad. But the joy when 4pm came round and I realised it was time for Second Lunch was immense!

Quite good fun all in all, and good to have limits to take the agonising out of lunchtime.

The reality is that I tend to eat five times a day – first and second breakfast have been standard for a while, usually a banana and/or some cereal before swimming (I used to skip this more often than I do but it’s probably better for my body to at least have the banana!) followed by something when I get to work and am ravenous.

I break for lunch early (usually at midday or thereabouts) just to break the monotony and because more often than not I’ll start work early so it’s about halfway – but of course am usually ravenous way before dinnertime which is usually about 7.30 because of when B comes home. So “second” lunch is now becoming a regular thing too.

So in theory all I need to so is make sure all those five meals comes in at about 300 cals or less. Also eating every 3-4 hours (5.30, 9, 12, 4, 7.30) should stop me hoarding and binging, as I know it’s not that long to go till the next meal, and also keep my energy levels stable so I’m less moody. Will need to reign in snacking but anyway five is a LOT of times to be eating in a day.

I can’t see any of those being difficult to keep to 300, especially now I’m not having carbs in the evening. The difficult ones will be first lunch and possibly second breakfast but I can always have a bit less for first breakfast and spread it around! I am also keen to try and have a portion of fruit or veg with each meal, if possible.

Wow, the more I think about this approach the more interested I am!!

with B, that we will make rice for evening meals just for him (we have a lot of rice-based meals!), and I will just go back to having whatever we make (curry or stir-fry or whatever) without rice, like I was before.
This will be easier once we have moved and he can warm up rice in the microwave for himself ;) Am feeling quite relieved, evening carbs were never really my thing.

Big chunks of processed sugar are going to make me want to binge. Best avoided from the start.

Walking mitigates cravings somewhat.

a tiny bit of research, after seeing the very succinct box on this page about the effects of binge-eating. I am going to make a concerted effort to increase my complex-carb consumption (good list here), especially when I’m hit by one of those big chocolate-flavoured sugar cravings. If I still need something sweet, then I’ll go for simple carbs, not reprocessed sugars. And if all of that fails, bananas are still the best option for feeling full and satisfying a sweet-tooth at the same time _{I just wish I liked them more!!} I am going to need to do something about the sugar in my tea, at some point – like find a natural (simple) substitute, or cut down progressively.

All this makes buckets of sense now, but there must be a hormonal effect – at other times of the month I am far less rational about what passes the cakehole. Have two or three weeks now to lay the basis for some better habits though, at least.

means respecting it as it is, with its own characteristics and limitations.

I mean this particularly with regard to the fact that, while some people can eat total crap all the time and not gain weight, I am not one of those people. Therefore I have to manage what I eat in a specific way to control my body weight, just like anyone else who has a condition or allergy affected by what they eat. There’s nothing I can do to change my body’s reaction to these foods – I just have to accept it, and eat in a way that works to my body’s advantage.

I am partially-quoting here, haven’t quite internalised all of that yet but I am working on it!

I’ve been trying to keep a stash of bananas at work and using them a bit like food closure – if I’m really in the mood to eat, then have a banana! I’m not the biggest banana fan and they’re pretty filling and so likely to put me off if I’m not really hungry – but they serve a multitude of purposes being sweet like chocolate (ish) and hefty like comfort-carbs (ish).

It’s not a genius, original plan, but it’s better than nothing.