Keep in touch with old friends and make new friends

I found my cousin from NS on facebook and sent him a message. He wrote back right away. I know that I love my family in Nova Scotia, but I forgot how happy it makes me to hear from them.

I have offered to help plan our 15-year reunion next June. I haven’t gone to any of our reunions yet, so this should be interesting!

I started a Facebook account and re-connected with many of my old high school friends.

... with the exception of talking to my friend Jessica who is living across the country, so it can’t be avoided. This week I actually initiated 2 phone calls to old friends. I even enjoyed them, sort of. I also made another horse-obsessed friend. She’s going to adopt our retired race horse, and while getting to know him, she’s kind of become a fixture at the barn. It’s good to have her there, because she’s fun… and at some point I’ll get tired of her bullying me into riding and will actually learn how to do something other than shovel manure, clean harnesses, and bandage legs.

My granny called me this morning. We talked for a little while and then she asked me whether I was alright, she was afraid I might be lonely now that I’m living on my own and recent issues with my family have arisen.

And that hit home. I had the same thought popping up over and over again during the last couple of weeks. But it has an even bigger impact when someone else asks you. I don’t know whether I’d classify myself as lonely or whether it is the classification itself that scares me more than the actual fact, but this is scary business.

There was a time when I felt deeply rooted in myself and had no problems letting someone new enter my life but was excited about it. Now I simply feel scared. There’s times when I long for the intimacy of a relationship and long friendships but then again I get scared of letting someone in. Scared because I am afraid I might get hurt again like I did last year when my then-boyfriend of three years cheated on me and the world around me suddenly crumbled.

I don’t want to use this as an excuse and I don’t want it to even qualify as an excuse. The mere thought of that ‘experience’ still having an impact on my feelings infuriates and saddens me.

I still believe that there is a lot of love out there, be it in the form of friendships or relationships, but sometimes that belief waveres. And that’s when fear seeps in…

And at the moment I feel, I cannot do anything but observe. Maybe there’s a bit of another type of fear lurking as well. A fear that if I opened up and stepped out of the current known, I would be surprised by what awaits me and it could have the power to shake up my life. Maybe, just maybe…

I really miss having some female friends at the racetrack, like I did when I lived in Canada. I’m not sure if it’s because everyone is broke around here and in a terrible humor, or because the track is 100 years behind normal society when it comes to gender roles… for women, you basically are who you hook up with and unfortunately there aren’t very many attractive (let’s be honest, even bathed) males to go around… but the end result is that the women my age are vicious. However, there’s a very laid-back, hard-working, no-bullshit kind of girl named Ann that works at the track, and she offered to teach me to ride and help me jog if she starts working at Sam’s. Neither of us have proper riding horses, just some trotters that we hope won’t mind terribly… but it’s a start.

2 hours before the first strike to midnight and 1 second into the new year, i obliged on joining a barbecue party at newfoundfriend’s place. she was actually nice enough to pick me from home. so headed to chill at her place right after i arrived home from work.

it wasn’t much of a party actually since it was pretty much a last minute thing. she was suppose to head back to penang but plans had been canceled, so it was only the 8 of us, pasta, barbecued chicken, hotdogs, marshmallows, corn, artificial wine and a game of mafia. a different setting from what i would normally have chosen.

it would seem pretty ironic that i am spending the last moments with a bunch of people that were practically strangers to me – except for newfoundfriend, so yeah, i am glad that i did take up the offer to be there and that she had me in mind.

yet, looking back throughout this year, i managed to make a handful of new friends, as well as reconnect and meet up with a few of my old friends that i have not done so in several years.

it had been a good year of bonding and a difference that made 2008 a great one.

i had an extremely packed weekend!

which was awesome. tiring but awesome.

i attended a friend’s wedding – which was so beautiful. the best that i’ve ever been to, to date. it wasn’t just the ambiance, or the photography or video. it was just knowing that they were together for 8 years and still going strong and am now tying the knot together, the first and the last that makes it all just seem so wonderful!

i didn’t really expect to be invited, and i almost didn’t get my leave approved – but i’m really glad that all was well, and i was able to be part of the wedding – both the church service and the night dinner.

last night, i also gathered a few friends and meet up to celebrate a friend’s birthday. a good friend that i’ve not meet up for almost a year plus. a good friend whom i thought we had tension in between. but all was good once more and we all had our laughs and it was like old time once more.

i really feel great and looking back that now, it’s going to be a whole new year once more… i’m really glad that i actually made a point of reconnecting with different people once more.

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as they say, humans are creatures of habit and i’m really glad that i caught hold of this one and started to make a point to meet up with a few people that i’ve not met ever since i left college.

although i’ve not meet up with everyone yet, and at times it is not an easy option with us all busy with our own lives and everything… and people coming into our lives, us into theirs, maintaining friendship, putting aside our differences and accepting each other as who we are today and not stuck on how we were donkey years ago, at times can be draining.

sometimes the easy way out is burning bridges – that way we do not need to accommodate or care so much. i guess running away is not the best answer.

looking back, i’ve not only met and started keeping in touch with a handful of friends regularly, i’ve also realized that i’ve managed to let bygones be bygones, grudges and pains that i thought i could not let go is actually not there anymore.

yes, i made a point to forgive and i did not have the courage to meet up this person up front but i did so on wednesday and yeah, i realize all feelings have subsided and i’m actually liberated from past issues!