This goal is going to be a major focus.
I’ve always been a fixer. I do it with technological issues. I do it with financial issues. And I do it with relationships. It is driving me crazy, and I am ready to change it.
Case in point: A co-worker recently made a serious error in judgment that would’ve resulted in some serious setbacks & cost overuns, at the worst possible time.
I tried to convince him several times that we needed a contingency. Each time he would agree, then go back to his cubicle and change his mind.
This stalemate went on for weeks. It began to fester, so I decided to ask my boss to help settle it. We kept is as low-key as possible. However, when he was directed to incorporate my recommendations, he turned beet red. I tried to share some of the credit for my victory with him, and extend the olive branch, but he wasn’t having ANY of it.
After a week of the silent treatment, I decided to talk with him. I said it seemed that we were beginning to work at cross purposes & wondered if he thought the same. He said he did, but when I asked if we could try to resolve it he flatly refused. There was no where to go from there, so I said I was sorry we couldn’t work it out & left.
It’s been three weeks since then. He refuses to be cordial, while I treat him the same way I always have. He’s gossiping about me & his friends are starting to give me the cold shoulder too.
On the surface, I’m sure I’ve looked fine, but inside, this situation – added to a few more like it – was starting to get to me. I knew it was THEIR problem, but I still felt the compulsion to fix it. Thank goodness I knew better than to actually try!
Instead, I went to see my friend, Dr. Smooth, who always knows how to cut to the heart of a situation within minutes.
Dr. S said I was being too kind. I had given my co-worker several chances to compromise. When I won, I had been gracious about it. And when he was carrying a grudge, I went to him & tried to work it out, even though I wasn’t the one with the problem.
I’ll go on being professional, even if he isn’t. I’ll be as cordial and cooperative as possible. However, I won’t treat him with kid gloves, or let his sulking keep me from confronting him on technical issues.
The rest of the time, I’m going to focus my life – my work, my health, my dreams, my problems, etc. Being a little more self-centered might be a good thing.
Those of you who are not fixers are probably thinking, “DUH!”
But maybe some of you who are more like me will be able to relate. 3 years ago