incorporate this relationship into my life without seeing the collapse of both

that I’ve found someone I can commit to, someone I can trust, someone I can see myself building a life with (or rather building two lives side by side with) someone it makes life better to be with than being on my own (no small order, as it turns out).

Yup, maybe it’s crazy to say all of that within a month of meeting someone, but all lasting relationships have to start somewhere, and all life-long romances have to have a first month, whether you believe it’s going to last or not. We’ll see. The important thing is I feel I have a good, maintainable balance between enjoying being me, and enjoying being with him.

I slept right through the night for the first time since we met, totally dead to the world for ten hours (and then I went back for another three!) so maybe I am starting to relax with his being being around (or maybe I was just exhausted?!) We had a very good, useful chat this morning about the stress of changes and flexibility and adaptation and things of that nature.

It’s been a tough week on my side but I have to say today of all days I am very glad he is here, we are not doing anything special, planning a very exciting combined trip to the recycling centre and then Tesco’s (!!) but I know I would have been pretty miserable spending today on my own. It’s a big adjustment to make, letting someone in, learning to trust, not being able to control everything any more; but I know I am happier this way and the adjustment will be worth it.

Happy Valentine’s everyone :)

A lot of doubts this week, just a lot of stuff that was too soon and made me feel really uncomfortable. I don’t know for definite that it is sorted, there are some things that we are going to need to sort out over a longer period of time, and of course at three weeks the temptation is there to jack it all in and say it’s not worth it. But we did have a really lovely night last night, really a big dose of what we both needed.

On a more serious note, I left a postcard for him to find in his textbook, and he didn’t know what Paperchase was – ??!! – I fear this may qualify as systematic incompatibility!!!!

that a being in a real relationship is dead weird after living alone for so long.
Not bad.
But definitely weird.

was the most awesomely lovely day. We stayed in bed talking till about 10am, then I went out for a run and he started studying, then there was this huge chunk of time in the middle of the day when he was in bed studying (and napping, I suspect!) and I was pottering around journalling, doing some creative stuff, and playing the piano. Then at about 3.30pm we went out for long walk and then came home and cooked and spent the evening chatting. I don’t know how but it felt like we had so much time and fitted so much into one day – and it felt really awesome to have yet more time to do my own stuff.

I think basically this is what normal life will be like for us and if it continues I’ll be happy to mark the incorporation side of this goal done. I’ve been putting obstacles in our way by thinking we should have some dramatic honeymoon period where all we do is eat, sleep and breathe each other, but to be fair we have been together every day since we met, so I think the whirlwind-romance factor is there, however sensible, balanced and organised the time is that we spend together.

I think after we pass the 1-month period I’ll be more likely to trust this relationship as a permanent thing – a month seems to be a significant amount of time to me for some reason. And the fact that I can envisage that must mean I’m already feeling better about trusting it, I guess.

was a real challenge in terms of opening up and trusting, we came up against a load of quite thorny emotional issues all at once, and yet miraculously seem to have cleared them all (for now). Even when things are tough and things are hard to talk about, we seem to be on the same side, and we both really want to make this work. The weirdest thing for me out of all of this is the simple fact of having someone around all the time, and sharing literally everything – compared to how much time I’ve been spending on my own up until this point in my life it comes as quite a shock. It’s a challenge, but I believe he is going to stick around, I want to be with him, and I am prepared to adjust. Its just gonna take a bit of getting used to!!

luuurve to study!! Now he has his books he’s seriously obsessed! It’s so nice to see him getting into something. And for the first time in two weeks I finally feel comfortable being in the same room as him without interacting directly, just doing whatever I would be doing normally, which increases the time I get to spend writing, painting, playing the piano and all the other stuff about 400-fold!!

I think this is totally the key to keeping the relationship without seeing the collapse of the life – have a man who has life stuff of his own, and gets on with it of his own accord. I reckon this thing of ours has a looooong way to run. Super.

ago today I was on my way to work in excitement (and slight trepidation, admittedly) about a date I had (a date! An actual date!) with a guy I’d met online who sounded really nice.

That guy, it turns out, seems destined to change my life. I have seen him every day since we met, and woken up next to him for the past twelve mornings except one. I’m not at the point of not being able to imagine life without him (that takes longer than a fortnight!) and I don’t know if it’s even possible for something that becomes this right, this fast, to last, but it’s one heck of a romance, and I am so grateful for at least the renewed hope of having someone special to share life with.

ago today I was on my way to work in excitement (and slight trepidation, admittedly) about a date I had (a date! An actual date!) with a guy I’d met online who sounded really nice.

That guy, it turns out, seems destined to change my life. I have seen him every day since we met, and woken up next to him for the past twelve mornings except one. I’m not at the point of being able to imagine life without him (that takes longer than a fortnight!) and I don’t know if it’s even possible for something that becomes this right, this fast, to last, but it’s one heck of a romance, and I am so grateful for at least the renewed hope of having someone special to share life with.

Last night was great; B went shopping for food (I sat on the bus and gave remote instructions!) Then we cooked together and had about an hour of us-time, then just at the right time he went to sleep and I curled up next to him to watch the start of the new series of Grand Designs on Channel 4 (the only thing on TV, imho, apart from Eurovision, that is worth paying th license fee for!!) Then I went to sleep too with my new earplugs, we both slept much better than the night before, which meant we were conscious this morning rather than just flinging things at each other. Aceness.