share more of myself with others

sometimes i wish that my only release was not just writing to people and sex. i wish talking was important to me to. so many times i am silent but want share but i cant. when i picture my family together again laughing and being so happy i become so hurt. when i see two people being married and having children i cant stand my lifestyle and the choices i have made and cannot change. i feel my soul is gone and i have nothing left. neither family nore friends. i cant understand what it is or what i did wrong. i am agry and frustrated. i have lost touch with my family whom dont wish to speek to me anymore. i cannot keep up with my friends like i should. i keep trying to set in a new life or a new person. i go to bed to bed thinking what i did is okay. justifiing it with experience and relationships. i hate myself for the the things ive done and the person i have become. i hate the fact that i cant ever have everything i always wanted. its not fair.

Nobody else does. I’d like to be appreciated, i’d like to be able to help more than just a few people out; but i just have a problem putting myself out there. It was a rough past two years, i drew inward some and lost the ability to really share myself with another. Unless somebody asks me a direct question, i’m not one to offer information… i mean, who cares right?? I feel that the closeness and affection i feel is lacking is directly related to my inability to share how i really feel, think, and desire. But how to breakout??