when i notice that i'm about to do something that involves copping out, avoidance tactics or a sudden attack of narcolepsy, make a different choice

This is part of my strategy to start being responsible for myself. I want to stop blaming others. I can only take responsibility, when I catch myself taking decisions to avoid conflict and confrontation i.e. I want to stop taking the easy way out.

Many people have told me that I need to question more.

I was conditioned by my father to think only in one direction. To survive his verbal thingy, I conditioned myself to think only about studies alone. Then he would leave me in peace, I used to explain to myself. I created fear in myself, fear of future, fear of low marks, fear of my father’s verbal thingy . I stopped myself in thinking in different along different lines.

But now I need to rewire, I need to question everything, look at different aspects.How it will affect me and my future. I need to think on multiple levels.

I borrowed this one from another member. Quite simply, it’s always a better thing to reach for the positive than continue in a downward spiral of negative.

these patterns are deeply entrenched. and it seems that my current means of counteracting them are to increase the number of commitments in my life- its the only way of ensuring that i actually do things- the fact that i’d be letting someone else down if i didnt.

why is it so hard to do things for myself?

at fooling myself