make more good friends

I need good girlfriends. i really don’t have any friends right now.
I have acquaintances and people I associate with but noone i really trust or that I feel trusts me.
It’s very very depressing and makes me suicidal. I am suicidal, but the thought that i have noone really caring about me, makes it worse.
I could go on and on about this.. but anyways,
I need more friends, less time worrying about boys, and more solid trustworthy girlfriends..

I’m back again, after some months (six?) of inactivity, to organize the mess of my goals, delete the old ones and add something new. Make more good friends is no longer one of my first aims, because something big has happened in these months: my work has become more socially interesting and, on the other hand, my baby is almost 1 and he’s a better company than many of our old so-called friends. I don’t need new friends or special friends anymore: some of them are still here, some others appear only rarely on our life, but it’s good for me. My soul (or whatever it is) is now very relaxed about this subject.

nothing

Good steps ahead in these weeks about friendship. Two guys, who are friends of mine since a long time, are recently became closer to me and my wife, and it seems to me that they are now more spontaneous than ever, more friendly. Maybe it depends only on how much time we’ve spent together, or maybe it’s simply a matter of confidence, but last days have been very interesting and funny and the need of more new friends seems now only a far thought.

Nice night last night with two couple of friends of our own. We have eaten, played with some games and chatted for a long time. Everything seemed to be ok, but it hasn’t been so. At the end, my wife and I spent some time speaking about these friends and their relationships with us: we have gone out with them almost every weekend for a year or more and we haven’t really linked our friendships yet. As my wife has rightly said: they stay with us only to fill their time. We are a good company, but we aren’t really special for them, we aren’t better or more important than any other of their friends. We aren’t special, and that’s what makes me sad. But it’s true: we aren’t special. For my great friends of the past, I’ve always been special: and it wasn’t important if we were really interesting or sympathetic, the only important thing was that we were linked together and we considered the other one a special person for us. I miss this feeling.

I think that the main problem with my actual friends is that we aren’t as linked as I would like to. I mean, we meet, we go out, we stay together but, for some strange reasons that I don’t understand, sometimes they just ignore us (me and my wife), they don’t call or they go out without us as it would be completely normal, as if they haven’t any duty towards us. And I think that duty is the right keyword: when you go out with the same people every weekend, you get a sort of link, of duty towards those people, and you can’t, one day, just simply act as if they don’t exist. For those reasons I need some new good friends, even just to depend less from the friends I have now, to have a sort of second chance for my weekend’s nights.

Thought of the day: if you want to have good friends, you need to establish with them a sort of face-to-face relationship. I mean, you can’t always meet friends in a group and pretend that one of them feels something special for you. Today, for example, I have been with a friend, a girl, for a lot of time (3 hours or so) and I think we have became closer, that our intimacy has been increased, and only because, maybe for the first time, we have been by ourselves, alone, without anyone else (and because I forced myself to speak). So: increase face-to-face relationships.