overcome my fear of heights

This will happen when I push my mom out of the plane, then my parachuting instructor pushes me.

Ahh karma.

So a couple years ago, when I was an avid junior girl scout, our troop leader thought it would be SO MUCH FUN to go to a high ropes course. I was pretty psyched myself, the brave one in my circle of friends. I had not yet encountered heights.

So we started off training on the ground, learning how to transfer our ropes. Looking up and seeing the tall wooden poles with wire ropes up so high in the air made my heart beat a little faster.

It was time to climb up the ladder and start exploring the aerial obstical course. I didn’t know why, but I did NOT want to go up. I like my feet on solid ground. But everyone else were shouting for me to come up, “Come on, it’s so much fun up here!”

I started climbing.

When I reached the landing, I forced myself to not look down, I would be fine. But when I started across the single wire bridge…well all was not well. I was terrified, only two ropes connecting me to the wire, my knees shaking furiously.

As soon as I got across, all I wanted to do was to get back down. I held on to the wooden pole like my life depended on it, I even believed my life DID depend on it. The scary thing was, it swayed a little in the wind. All I had to do was cross that rope bridge back…

But my fellow girl scout, Clara Wruck, was making her way over, and I couldn’t get back. My leader shouted from the ground to “Just relax. Nothings going to happen.” she looked so small from where I was.

So I kept my head up and forced myself to keep going. But by the time I had transferred my ropes and started out on the next rope obstical, 300 hundred feet in the air, I decided heights was not my thing. By the time I got to the next pool, I was practically in tears.

There was this girl above me, not from my troop about half way over her obstical when she lost her footing and fell. The ropes caught her, but seh was just dangling. I screamed. Her bandana fell loose from her hair in the comotion and fluttered to the ground. That might have been her. It seemed to fall forever. I began to cry.

So get this picture: Runty blonde ten year old with a turquose girl scout sash, 300 feet in the air, clutching to a shaky wooden pole, sobbing. Ergo my fear of heights.

I’m going into eighth grade, and I think it’s high time I get over my one, great fear. This July, I’m going to a residential Heights camp. Everything from climbing walls to hang gliding and even gulp high ropes courses.

My only hope is that I don’t reduce to tears.

Living life with fear is pointless

God is so good. I have been praying to be released from a spirit of fear and it seems I have. No more palpitations at the thought of being on a balcony or the third floor. Or Yosemite or the Grand Canyon. And I didn’t even realize it was happening. I wonder what other things I’ve lost my fear of…I should test myself.

Go on a hot air balloon ride in one year.

I went skydiving. Yes, me who is afraid of rollercoasters jumped out of an airplane and it was the coolest thing I had ever done. I watch the video of it all the time now and want to do it again once I save up enough money. Now, even though I still get sweaty hands a feet with heights, I just think about how cool skydiving was and I am not scared.

i was in the desert of Peru and got in a little putt putt plane to see the Nazca lines and remembered I was afraid of heights. i looked at the pilot and realized he didn’t want to die anymore than i did. If he wasn’t going to be afraid, i wouldn’t either. I remind myself of that every time i get on a plane or on a bus going up a steep hill. It helps a lot!

rock climbing. I did it on a wall, not on an actual rock. I just didn’t look down, I jut kept looking up at the next step I had to take and before I knew it I was twenty feet up. I have since worked my way up to sixty feet. Now I’m looking for a bigger wall. It really, really scary when you finally do look down, but then you’re getting ready to come down so its okay.

Today I stood on the fourth floor of the parking garage and looked over the railing to the cement floor four stories down. My anxiety peaked at about 70/100.

I stood there for an hour until my anxiety went down to about 50.

I’m supposed to do this every day for an hour until I’m used to being afraid and learn that anxiety won’t kill me. It will be a useful lesson in dealing with my fear of 100,000 other things as well. It all boils down to the same principle: the more you avoid the thing you fear, the more afraid you will become of it.

I am told of a beautiful cathedral in Rome where you climb a spiral staircase to the top of the domed roof and you can see the entire city.

I will be there in July… and I’m not missing that for the world!

My feet and hands tingle and get sweaty even when I think about heights. But I still want to go bungee jumping or sky diving to overcome my fear.