Find the Man of MY Dreams, not just a good one that happens to come along!

he flipped out at me on Sun afternoon, completely irrational – made a personal attack on me & had no interest in listening to my view of the situation- completely jumped to conclusions & fabricated his own version!

Now how to tell him I don’t want to see him again!
(I’m afraid he’ll flip out again)

On Monday evening I met a guy I’d been chatting to online (Not a dating site) I really didn’t expect anything to happen between us, I’d pretty much decided that we weren’t compatible, but when I met him in person it was different.

He has apparently fallen head over heels in love with me- on Tuesday saying that he could see us being married! Although I’m not quite caught up in “love” as he is, i am really enjoying the affection- giving & receiving.

He lives 110miles away though…
He’s not a very good listener either…
He’s lovely though in many other ways & we can relate well, have a laugh etc.

We’ll see how things pan out..

I always seem te be attractive to man who aren’t good for me. I’ve had a relationship once with a married man, that didn’t went well, so I told myself I would never do that again, and guess what… I met a new guy… unfortunately, he’s also married. I knew he would never leave his wife, and still I’m falling for him. We see eachother almost everyday, because we are working together, what doesn’t make it any more easy. I already know that it isn’t going to last, because in a couple of months he’ll change workplace, perhaps even leave the country.
I think that will be for the best, because now I won’t date, because I always feel guilty.

I have not yet met.

I keep on getting sucked back into engaging with “Married Man” thankfully, not in person, only via IM but still it’s not really in my highest & best interests.

It’s completely addictive. I’ve asked the angels for help, because sometimes I seem incapable of helping myself in that regard. It’s such a strong pull, despite my knowing it’s not in my best interests in the slightest little bit!

On the plus side I’m meeting a guy I’ve emailed back & forth a few times this afternoon, so fingers crossed that will be nice. The worst that could happen is that I’ll have had a nice conversation with someone new (Hopefully!)

with a fresher perspective from me :)

I’ve processed and healed a lot of things over the last 6 months since becoming single again and I’ve come to the conclusion that I am not going to waste any time energy or effort with anyone that doesn’t have the potential to be that man.

Since January I’ve “dated” 3 different men, had sex with 2 of them and only 1 of them was available – and he lived in Texas!! Doh!! (And he only sent me one email when he returned home :(
I’m not avoiding the inevitable disappointments that will happen along the way, just deciding to minimise them as much as possible- trust myself

This means that I’m going to remain celibate until I meet that someone special, that I’m not going to settle for anything less than what I really want “until the right man comes along” because what happens is that I get emotionally attached even when I can see clearly that there’s no future in it… and I really do deserve the full package- someone who is willing and able to be in an emotionally intimate, loving, committed relationship & one that I have basic values in common with, and a few hobbies too :)

I had actually fallen in love, and that I’m grieving- I cried last night big huge sobs of grief.

I fell in love with someone that was unavailable, someone that wasn’t good enough for me- this I know but you know what it doesn’t make it any less painful even though I’m glad it’s over, because I deserve far more.

on friday I was out dancing & met a very nice american gentleman, I informed him quite early in the conversation that he didn’t qualify to become my husband, because “living in the same country as me” is on my list :)

We had a really good laugh, fast tracking the whole interview date thing & decided where we’d get married & go on honeymoon.
A bit of a sticking point was that I’m not prepared to move to Texas, although fair dues to him he did agree to move to London where he could still do his job & we’d have 2 homes- one in London, one in Dublin. ;)

He flew to London yesterday morning & will fly back to Texas on Thurs and we’ll keep in touch, it’s a shame about the location as I would like to get to know him.

What it showed me is that I have changed what i’m attracting; he was SINGLE :) financially stable, witty, good looking, good dress sense, intelligent, a good conversationalist, and a nice kisser ;)

He was also very respectful of boundaries which is something new for me.

I haven’t laughed so much & so hard on Friday in a long long time- it was fun :)

I’ve been kinda seeing someone the last few months but they’re in a relationship already. I don’t really understand what this is about to be honest. they obviously don’t fulfill the criteria I’ve set.
We have agreed that we’re not going to see each other again, yet last night i had a very long conversation with them, and we both said that we cared about each other.. it’s a strange one becuase at the same time i also coached him on how to have a healthier relationship with his partner.

update:

my whole thinking about this has shifted somewhat, I feel a lot more relaxed and accepting about being single but dating, rather than being desperate/longing to get into my next relaionship/fall in love as quickly as possible.

My whole outlook on myself in terms of self esteem has changed dramatically in the last few years. i was told years ago that i looked like gweneth paltrow and nicole kidman – i know they don’t look alike lol! but when i first heard that i completely dismissed it. friday night I was told that i looked like nicole kidman and you know what? that’s a compliment, and i liked it and I accepted the fact that i look as beautiful as she does :) that is not about ego, it’s about accept that it is nice that when others look at me they see something nice. Don’t get me wrong, i’m not that shallow to think that looks are everything but it does show how my own self worth has changed significantly :)

Last night I was on facebook and a girl who’d sent me a random friend request started chatting to me – and flirting with me. I found myself attracted to her. Today I saw another girl writing online aobut a subject that is close to my heart -I’d recently met her in person and it got me thinking maybe the man of my dreams is not a man at all.

This is not a new thought for me of course, one that i started to explore a couple of years ago, then I met my ex and stopped persuing that line of investigation. (I’m 100% loyal in relationships).

I went on a date with a girl & we kissed and it was lovely but circumstances meant we didn’t meet again. Then as I said I met my ex.

Interesting.

It’s time for me to stay open and explore all possibilities.